missing this.
This whole day has been a blast from the past, so i guess that's what this entry will be too.
It all started at 7:04 this morning and the day went downhill. I catch myself missing him, and it doesn't help when he texts me and tells me stuff that he knows will make me miss him even more. I hate when i get in these ruts. I'm aware of how much i hate him, so then why do i catch myself thinking about him and about 8th grade and about gay little things that happened soo long ago? I LOVE my life right now. I have been asking for all this for my whole like and now its finally here and how I'm unhappy? Louis gives me everything i could have ever wanted. Everything i have ever asked for is in this relationship we have. And it's weird, everything is great and amazing and couldn't get any better until someone brings -him- up and i start thinking about -him-. Its just hard not to talk to him when he's talking to me and i try and try and try to stop but its just like its no big deal because we're just talking but then why do i like it so much?
today i told louis what happened and like what all he said to me and stuff. when he gets mad he shakes. he was shaking pretty bad and at break he punched a locker as hard as i have ever seen. it was very scary. his hand started gushing out blood and it didnt even phase him. he was furious because nothing like that has ever happened to us; i cannot imagine what he would do and how he would react if something worse happened. if i cheated on him? i would never do that i would never make him feel like that but i just cant imagine what he would do.
in 4th block, now, i have been reading back through this journal. it's so neat. to like look and read what i was thinking years back. and like i read stuff that i wrote and i remember my exact mind state of when i was writing it.
I get a new phone today to take to disney. im excited but there are really none that i want hardcore.
running, running, running. that should be all im doing these days...its not.
well, best friend, i'll write more later.