PC/Life update
I might not have any more PC updates for a while. Four months before is the average of when they start processing the rest of my medkit. So I could potentially be waiting until February for more updates. I am hoping that I will be able to leave in January or December though. Pipe dream, I know.
School is overwhelming right now. My LitCrit professor is daunting by herself, not to mention my 6 other classes. ridiculous.
I was crazy to take 20 credit hours, when I know I have 15 hours worth of Literature courses.
Although, I definitely did not know my Literary Criticism prof would be crazyy. She assigns about 150 pages of reading a week. Plus, slideshows, youtube videos of a Yale professor (who she basically copies her course from), handouts, and study questions to be answered. overwhelming.
I have a paper due tomorrow, but I just can't get into it. I don't know why.
I am still debating the Peace Corps. I mean, it is definitely a great program, but sometimes, I think I want to be around my family more than I want to do it. I flip-flop constantly. It's all-consuming as well. I wrote in my private journal this:
"The great sufi poet and philosopher Rumi once advised his students to write down the three things they wanted most in life. If any item on the list clashes with any other item, Rumi warned that you are destined for unhappiness. Better to live a life of single-pointed focus, he taught." -eat pray love by elizabeth gilbert
so I wrote my three.
1. see the world in all extremes (poverty, wealth, happiness, despair)
2. to be a mother (have my own family)
3. to find a purpose, a calling, and live it.
I think I need to do the peace corps in order to accomplish the first, but it's hard to go when I know the second two could be fulfilled while I'm gone. I don't want to miss out on Doug's life, or my brothers' (and by this time, my sister's), or parents' lives either, or my friends. I love the friends I have. It's hard because I feel like I've never had real friends. No, I don't feel like that, I didn't until Mary. Mary has been the one consistent friend for the past 10 years. That's it. I didn't have any good friends outlast elementary school, and my "best friend" in middle and high school was a girl who I was a good friend to, but it was never returned. I have so much pain from having bad friends when I was younger. I don't always believe that people truly like me. I've had this thought about every one of my friends now. There is no exception, excepting my family. It's hard, and it sucks. I hate that I doubt my friends, because now I really do have amazing friends. Mary, Jen, Nicole, Natalie, Jessica, Brooke. I hate that this issue has so deeply entrenched itself in my heart and mind.
BUT now that I know the root cause, I will heal, I will persevere, I will win. I will win this battle, and I will continue on. I know that I can conquer this. I can overcome this. I WILL overcome this.
School is overwhelming right now. My LitCrit professor is daunting by herself, not to mention my 6 other classes. ridiculous.
I was crazy to take 20 credit hours, when I know I have 15 hours worth of Literature courses.
Although, I definitely did not know my Literary Criticism prof would be crazyy. She assigns about 150 pages of reading a week. Plus, slideshows, youtube videos of a Yale professor (who she basically copies her course from), handouts, and study questions to be answered. overwhelming.
I have a paper due tomorrow, but I just can't get into it. I don't know why.
I am still debating the Peace Corps. I mean, it is definitely a great program, but sometimes, I think I want to be around my family more than I want to do it. I flip-flop constantly. It's all-consuming as well. I wrote in my private journal this:
"The great sufi poet and philosopher Rumi once advised his students to write down the three things they wanted most in life. If any item on the list clashes with any other item, Rumi warned that you are destined for unhappiness. Better to live a life of single-pointed focus, he taught." -eat pray love by elizabeth gilbert
so I wrote my three.
1. see the world in all extremes (poverty, wealth, happiness, despair)
2. to be a mother (have my own family)
3. to find a purpose, a calling, and live it.
I think I need to do the peace corps in order to accomplish the first, but it's hard to go when I know the second two could be fulfilled while I'm gone. I don't want to miss out on Doug's life, or my brothers' (and by this time, my sister's), or parents' lives either, or my friends. I love the friends I have. It's hard because I feel like I've never had real friends. No, I don't feel like that, I didn't until Mary. Mary has been the one consistent friend for the past 10 years. That's it. I didn't have any good friends outlast elementary school, and my "best friend" in middle and high school was a girl who I was a good friend to, but it was never returned. I have so much pain from having bad friends when I was younger. I don't always believe that people truly like me. I've had this thought about every one of my friends now. There is no exception, excepting my family. It's hard, and it sucks. I hate that I doubt my friends, because now I really do have amazing friends. Mary, Jen, Nicole, Natalie, Jessica, Brooke. I hate that this issue has so deeply entrenched itself in my heart and mind.
BUT now that I know the root cause, I will heal, I will persevere, I will win. I will win this battle, and I will continue on. I know that I can conquer this. I can overcome this. I WILL overcome this.