(no subject)
Tonight was the first time I'd seen anyone in town since I've been back. I was sort of dreading it. Most of all having to deal with everyone at once in a big ricokulous group situation. And that's what I thought I'd be thrown into as my first seeing everyone. And with the people here a big group can't help but be huge amounts of insane. And the first Christmas party would have been ick and too much to handle and mundane all at the same time tomorrow night. I'm still not looking forward to having the same conversations about the same events we always do. Or looking forward to justifying myself to people who are supposedly my friends. Hopefully it won't come to that and it will be a harmless dirty santa loving, pictionary playing (yawn) type of nonconfrontational party.
But anyway, the actual point of this post, is that I hung out with Brian tonight. And as angry as I thought I'd be with him. I really am not. And have no reason to be. And I had an excellent time this evening. Cause we talked. About stupid stuff and real stuff. And we drove around looking at Christmas lights and listening to carols. And we laughed. And most of the excellence of the night is because I feel like he's changed. He's different. Like he's really growing up. And like his mind is slowly but surely expanding. And that thrills me to no end. It's comforting too, because I was so prepared to hate him now that I've changed so much and he's become all frat boy. I thought surely we would get along less well and dislike each other more, and as sad as I was about it, I was ready for it. But oddly our changes seem to be coenciding and even allowing us to be better when together. And you know without trying he's the only person in the world who makes me feel almost beautiful. And I'm thankful I have that in my life if only for a couple months a year.
As far as Christmas party number two goes for tomorrow night: I'm looking forward to it more than number one. It's new people. Different people. People I don't know but who by default I find terribly fascinating. And despite my shyness and severe introvert personality I'm hoping to enjoy myself at party number two and maybe even have some interesting conversation and be even the least bit interesting myself.
But anyway, the actual point of this post, is that I hung out with Brian tonight. And as angry as I thought I'd be with him. I really am not. And have no reason to be. And I had an excellent time this evening. Cause we talked. About stupid stuff and real stuff. And we drove around looking at Christmas lights and listening to carols. And we laughed. And most of the excellence of the night is because I feel like he's changed. He's different. Like he's really growing up. And like his mind is slowly but surely expanding. And that thrills me to no end. It's comforting too, because I was so prepared to hate him now that I've changed so much and he's become all frat boy. I thought surely we would get along less well and dislike each other more, and as sad as I was about it, I was ready for it. But oddly our changes seem to be coenciding and even allowing us to be better when together. And you know without trying he's the only person in the world who makes me feel almost beautiful. And I'm thankful I have that in my life if only for a couple months a year.
As far as Christmas party number two goes for tomorrow night: I'm looking forward to it more than number one. It's new people. Different people. People I don't know but who by default I find terribly fascinating. And despite my shyness and severe introvert personality I'm hoping to enjoy myself at party number two and maybe even have some interesting conversation and be even the least bit interesting myself.