(no subject)
I check LJ almost every day. So why can't I make myself update? I don't knoooow. Maybe because so much crap keeps piling up, so many events and feelings happen that becomes just too much to explain or dealt with. I will try better.
For example: a month ago right now, I was home. And now I'll never be able to go there again. Melodramatic? Sure. But no matter how much I hated Florida, I loved that home. My dad, uncle, and my dad's friend built it together in 1983. It's weird to think about the strangers living in the place where I built my memories. So I try not to. Instead I think about the way the tile crackled underfoot in the dining room, how the door to the garage never closed on the first try, how clean and fresh and good it always smelled.
(And stupid me, sometimes I can't help but think about our last night there and how me and my sister cried on my mom's shoulder in the hallway and how my dad pretty much held it together until we were pulling out of the driveway for the last time, me in my car, my parents in theirs; we got on the main road just outside the subdivision and my dad suddenly did a u-turn and pulled back in. We drove back into our driveway, and my dad opens the door to the car, nearly in tears, and says, "I can't, I can't leave without saying one last goodbye to the neighbor." This sweet, older man lived next to us the whole time we lived there, and even though it was 10:30 at night, my parents went to his door. Later, my mom told me that my dad just sobbed while talking with him, he was so emotionally and physically drained. And it punches me right in the fucking grief bone to think about.)
But. My parents are really excited to be in north Georgia now, looking for a house. It's all they've ever wanted to do since they've retired, and now they've done it. I'm hoping finding a new house to put all our old belongings will let me leave the past in the past and move on with just good memories.
See what happens when I update? Emotional word vomit. Bleh.
Job hunting is another fun story right now. I think I've pretty much clinched another freelance proofreader position with a legit publishing company, so that's exciting! Aaaand I have a second interview with Apple on Friday, which I'm also excited about. So fingers crossed for good things! And being an adult!
And for old time's sake, LET ME TELL U A THING: still can't deal with this.
For example: a month ago right now, I was home. And now I'll never be able to go there again. Melodramatic? Sure. But no matter how much I hated Florida, I loved that home. My dad, uncle, and my dad's friend built it together in 1983. It's weird to think about the strangers living in the place where I built my memories. So I try not to. Instead I think about the way the tile crackled underfoot in the dining room, how the door to the garage never closed on the first try, how clean and fresh and good it always smelled.
(And stupid me, sometimes I can't help but think about our last night there and how me and my sister cried on my mom's shoulder in the hallway and how my dad pretty much held it together until we were pulling out of the driveway for the last time, me in my car, my parents in theirs; we got on the main road just outside the subdivision and my dad suddenly did a u-turn and pulled back in. We drove back into our driveway, and my dad opens the door to the car, nearly in tears, and says, "I can't, I can't leave without saying one last goodbye to the neighbor." This sweet, older man lived next to us the whole time we lived there, and even though it was 10:30 at night, my parents went to his door. Later, my mom told me that my dad just sobbed while talking with him, he was so emotionally and physically drained. And it punches me right in the fucking grief bone to think about.)
But. My parents are really excited to be in north Georgia now, looking for a house. It's all they've ever wanted to do since they've retired, and now they've done it. I'm hoping finding a new house to put all our old belongings will let me leave the past in the past and move on with just good memories.
See what happens when I update? Emotional word vomit. Bleh.
Job hunting is another fun story right now. I think I've pretty much clinched another freelance proofreader position with a legit publishing company, so that's exciting! Aaaand I have a second interview with Apple on Friday, which I'm also excited about. So fingers crossed for good things! And being an adult!
And for old time's sake, LET ME TELL U A THING: still can't deal with this.
