Good day, good day
......an interesting day to say the least.
So, I just learned that Bubasti takes a peek every now and again at this. It's not just Sam. Boy, don't I feel a little embarrassed. Heh. But it feels kinda good to know something I wrote is able to connect with someone else. I try to speak plainly without being too vulgar, too vague. I just try to lay it out exactly the way it is. Sometimes I'm right, more often than not, I'm wrong.
And, as a note to Bubasti (or anyone else), you can take a look at www.dyingdays.com/collier.html for some other things I wrote several years ago. I think that's the page, anyway. Sam's read them and she kinda likes them, so.. oh, and also, not sure if you know this or not. I was the one that wrote Coda's/Lohr's background on Denver. I'm glad you liked it. You should see how his first "shadowrun" is going. Sam's turning him into a fricking -father-, for fuck's sake. I can't wait to play some more tomorrow.
Which is why this journal entry will be relatively short. I tend to go crazy when I write. Just go out and write as hard and as honestly as I can. Lay it all out. I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. If someone has a problem with me, then that person has a problem. Not my deal. Not my situation. Just glad I don't have to deal with other people's problems.
So, it looks like I might be moving again. I can't wait to hear what my parents say to this. I've been pacing around all day. My hands are cold, my heart is beating fast.
I might have to tell you later, Bubasti, about how things work out. It may be that I've been both right and wrong all along. Being friends first is a must, yes, but perhaps the time isn't needed, which is going to bring me to tonight's little "rant", and that's about people that are on the "rebound" out of a bad relationship.
Mostly, this happens to guys. A guy will walk up to a girl that appears to be having a rough time and say, "Hi.. sorry if I'm bothering, but I noticed you didn't look all that happy and I thought I could cheer you up. My name's , by the way..", to which she responds, "I'm sorry, I just got out of a really bad relationship and I don't want a guy on the rebound."
What amazes me is that people even stay together as long as they do. When you are hurting, seething, angry, and a hundred other emotions, you are more -you- than at any other time. You are down, your protection is gone. Your masks have faded away. More of the real you is visible, and it comes to the surface quite easily. So maybe, just maybe, that guy (or girl even) that came over to talk to you liked what they saw when they saw the real you, and wanted to get to know the real you. Wouldn't you want someone interested in the real you? It feels so much better when you don't have to hide things, or put on masks that cover up who you really are.
Don't people understand that the ones that go up and offer to cheer them up are the good ones? Okay, sure, yeah, you were just in a bad relationship. Everyone has had one or two of those, and any good person can understand that and accept it. What I want to know is what's so bad about cheering someone up? What's so god-awful about a conversation between two people? It's not like the guy came up to you and said, "I bet I can fuck that frown right off your face." It's just -talking-. And who knows? Maybe you'll end up liking the person. Maybe they can cheer you up. Maybe it's worth it.
It is worth it. I might be living proof of it. Yeah, life sucks and it hurts like a bitch, but if you just be yourself and forget about what others might think or feel, you might find that one person that might just accept you for who you are, and go further and decide they want you. There is so much in life. The colors, the music, the smells, the life of life.. all of it just sitting out there, waiting. Most people walk right on by without taking the moment to enjoy the brief moment they are truly here. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't slow down every once in a while, you might just miss it altogether.
What a day. It's 1:17am. I need to get to sleep so I can run with Sam and Bubasti. I have a feeling we're gonna end up running together a little more often. So, off to bed I go. Just remember..
No matter what, just be yourself. It might take a day, a week, or a decade, but eventually either someone will decide that your true self is the one the way, or you'll end up having a string of relationships that will teach you more about yourself and bring you to perfect peace.
Today's song lyric, from a song that sends chills through my body each time I hear it:
I alone am the one you don't know you need, take heed, feed your ego
make me blind when your eyes close, sink when you get close, tie me to the bed post
I alone am the one you don't know you need, you don't know you need me
make me blind when your eyes close, tie me to the bedpost
So, I just learned that Bubasti takes a peek every now and again at this. It's not just Sam. Boy, don't I feel a little embarrassed. Heh. But it feels kinda good to know something I wrote is able to connect with someone else. I try to speak plainly without being too vulgar, too vague. I just try to lay it out exactly the way it is. Sometimes I'm right, more often than not, I'm wrong.
And, as a note to Bubasti (or anyone else), you can take a look at www.dyingdays.com/collier.html for some other things I wrote several years ago. I think that's the page, anyway. Sam's read them and she kinda likes them, so.. oh, and also, not sure if you know this or not. I was the one that wrote Coda's/Lohr's background on Denver. I'm glad you liked it. You should see how his first "shadowrun" is going. Sam's turning him into a fricking -father-, for fuck's sake. I can't wait to play some more tomorrow.
Which is why this journal entry will be relatively short. I tend to go crazy when I write. Just go out and write as hard and as honestly as I can. Lay it all out. I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. If someone has a problem with me, then that person has a problem. Not my deal. Not my situation. Just glad I don't have to deal with other people's problems.
So, it looks like I might be moving again. I can't wait to hear what my parents say to this. I've been pacing around all day. My hands are cold, my heart is beating fast.
I might have to tell you later, Bubasti, about how things work out. It may be that I've been both right and wrong all along. Being friends first is a must, yes, but perhaps the time isn't needed, which is going to bring me to tonight's little "rant", and that's about people that are on the "rebound" out of a bad relationship.
Mostly, this happens to guys. A guy will walk up to a girl that appears to be having a rough time and say, "Hi.. sorry if I'm bothering, but I noticed you didn't look all that happy and I thought I could cheer you up. My name's , by the way..", to which she responds, "I'm sorry, I just got out of a really bad relationship and I don't want a guy on the rebound."
What amazes me is that people even stay together as long as they do. When you are hurting, seething, angry, and a hundred other emotions, you are more -you- than at any other time. You are down, your protection is gone. Your masks have faded away. More of the real you is visible, and it comes to the surface quite easily. So maybe, just maybe, that guy (or girl even) that came over to talk to you liked what they saw when they saw the real you, and wanted to get to know the real you. Wouldn't you want someone interested in the real you? It feels so much better when you don't have to hide things, or put on masks that cover up who you really are.
Don't people understand that the ones that go up and offer to cheer them up are the good ones? Okay, sure, yeah, you were just in a bad relationship. Everyone has had one or two of those, and any good person can understand that and accept it. What I want to know is what's so bad about cheering someone up? What's so god-awful about a conversation between two people? It's not like the guy came up to you and said, "I bet I can fuck that frown right off your face." It's just -talking-. And who knows? Maybe you'll end up liking the person. Maybe they can cheer you up. Maybe it's worth it.
It is worth it. I might be living proof of it. Yeah, life sucks and it hurts like a bitch, but if you just be yourself and forget about what others might think or feel, you might find that one person that might just accept you for who you are, and go further and decide they want you. There is so much in life. The colors, the music, the smells, the life of life.. all of it just sitting out there, waiting. Most people walk right on by without taking the moment to enjoy the brief moment they are truly here. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't slow down every once in a while, you might just miss it altogether.
What a day. It's 1:17am. I need to get to sleep so I can run with Sam and Bubasti. I have a feeling we're gonna end up running together a little more often. So, off to bed I go. Just remember..
No matter what, just be yourself. It might take a day, a week, or a decade, but eventually either someone will decide that your true self is the one the way, or you'll end up having a string of relationships that will teach you more about yourself and bring you to perfect peace.
Today's song lyric, from a song that sends chills through my body each time I hear it:
I alone am the one you don't know you need, take heed, feed your ego
make me blind when your eyes close, sink when you get close, tie me to the bed post
I alone am the one you don't know you need, you don't know you need me
make me blind when your eyes close, tie me to the bedpost