Weed n corona
Well I got the medical marijuana but it was all false hope.
When I take it, I get chest pains, I start shaking, and get really cold.
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck. I can't even get high anymore. FUCKKK.
so in desperation I'm trying Zoloft again.
It hasn't done anything.
I've been sick for a few weeks with a cold, but that cold has turned into corona. It's a weird sickness.
At first it was a bad sore throat and some head pressure. Then it moved into the back of my sinuses but not my sinuses. Then it went into deep into my lungs, coughing up mucus. Now it's gone into my nose, and this morning I was fine besides my nose, but then a flip switched randomly and my muscles are all sore. Particularly in my shoulders, side, and stomach.
I keep blowing my nose, and it keeps running, and I am sore.
I don't lose any taste or smell.
I begged for corona for 2 years to take me, but man if this is what dying is, it's not that bad.
Watch, corona won't kill me and I'll be forced to deal with this POS life some more.
I actually think im in hell right now because this is never ending.
I haven't written in awhile because it's pointless. Even venting doesn't make me feel better anymore.
I just figured you all might want an update in case I do kick the bucket, you know why.
Oh, and This depression is to the point I have lost the one thing I had left - food.
For the past month, Nothing tastes good anymore. KFC was meh the other day. There's no appeal. I've stopped eating for the most part. I might have a single hot dog in a day.
It's crazy how much I don't have to buy groceries anymore when a pack of hotdogs can literally last me a whole week.
I'm not hungry. I don't want food.
I've lost 20lbs! Maybe I'll finally be skinny.
I look forward to sleep nowadays. It doesn't come easily. Melatonin and trazedone don't cut it anymore. NyQuil is the only thing that works.
I dream of my dad's house. I dream of tornados. I dream of unloading truck.
I miss having adults that's even though it wasn't very well, cared for me on some level. I miss being able to work in a team and be successful. I miss wheezy and Travis and snoop and whitey. I miss human connection.
I miss having goals and wishes and dreams.
I miss playing video games. I miss watching anime. I miss my art teacher. I miss parent teacher conferences. I miss having the world figured out.
Everything is so alien and foreign to me, and I am so scared all the time.
I just want to help people and have people like me.
I also miss not having diarrhea. Fuck gallbladders.
I just want the end.