Fic: Lights Will Guide You Home (2/6 - COMPLETE)
Title: Lights Will Guide You Home (2/6 - COMPLETE)
Artist:
chosenfire28
Author:
cait_85
Rating (art/fic if different): G/PG13
Word Count: 32,807
Warnings (if any): OC character death (suicide, brief mention)
Beta(s): TBA
Fic Summary: Blaine has a big secret which he’s been hiding from everyone. Unfortunately, the thing about Secrets is that they have a tendency to come out sooner or later and when they do, someone has to pick up the pieces.
(Part 1)
Blaine closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and began his tale.
“It started with a phone call last night. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the name on the screen of my phone. I hadn’t spoken to Jess since the day her parents marched her out of our house in disgrace, but I never deleted her number. I guess I was just trying to keep hold of what I could. It sounds stupid, but as soon as I saw her name flashing up on the screen, I knew something was wrong. She didn’t sound herself when I spoke to her. She wasn’t making sense, just kept apologising over and over again. Then she told me Amelie was outside and begged me to look after her which was really confusing because the only Amelie I knew was the doll my I gave her for her fifth birthday that my Mom let me pick out when we vacationed in Paris. I couldn’t understand why the doll was outside or why I had to look after it for her but she was so worked up that I thought maybe if I just promised she would calm down and explain what was going on but before I could find out if that worked, there was a really loud bang and then the line went dead. I tried calling her back but she didn’t answer.”
Blaine was lost in the memories of the past 24 hours as he spoke, the whole story spilling out. He wrung his hands together nervously, eyes fixed downwards, afraid to see the look in his boyfriends eyes as he continued.
“I should have done something as soon as the phone went dead but I didn’t realise what was going on. If I’d just gone straight round there, maybe things would have been different. I could have saved her! But I thought she had just been caught talking to me by her parents and was busy being told off or something. So I finished packing for the trip to Cali and tidied up my room a bit and then I started getting ready for bed and by the time I had done all that I had practically forgotten the weird call from Jess. I was just getting into bed when my phone rang again. I didn’t recognise the number but I answered it any way. It was strange. Of all the things that phone call could have been, I would never have guessed it would be a paramedic telling me they were on the way to the emergency room with my daughter Amelie. I just went onto auto pilot. I didn’t even get dressed or tell my parents I was going out, just put some sneakers on with my pyjamas, grabbed my keys and my wallet, got in the car and drove. It wasn’t until I got to the hospital that I started to wonder why they called me. Then it clicked what they had said her name was and I remembered the strange call from Jess and suddenly it was just so cold and I was so scared. I didn’t even make it to the information desk. A Nurse was walking past and she realised something was wrong. I could barely speak. I just about managed to get out that I had had a call that my daughter had been brought in. By some amazing co-incidence, she was one of the nurses who had looked her over when she was bought in. She asked me if she could see some ID and as soon as she’d checked I was Blaine Anderson, she took me back to see Amelie.”
Blaine breathed deeply, tear filled eyes snapping up to look at Kurt.
“She looked so small, lying in an incubator in the emergency room. The nurse said she was fine, she was just a little cold when she was brought in so they were trying to warm her up a bit. I asked her why they called me, why they didn’t call Jess or her parents since it was their front yard she was in. She just went really quiet. She didn’t answer for a long time and that told me everything I needed to know. When she finally did speak, she told me there had been a fire. Jess’ parents weren’t there, they are in Europe on holiday or something, but Jess was inside the house, the doors and windows all locked. By the time the fire fighters got there it was too late. Jess hadn’t been lying when she told me Amelie was outside; they had found her under a bush in the front yard. She was in a car seat, wrapped tightly in blankets. There was a letter with her; it was addressed to me. The nurse explained that the paramedics had opened it which was how they got my contact details. As well as the letter and a sheet with my details on it naming me Amelie’s emergency contact, there was a copy of Amelie’s birth certificate and a few photos’s of her and Jess. I don’t know how she did it, but Jess managed to have my name put on Amelie’s birth certificate; she’s given her my last name and everything. I would love to know how she managed to get that past her parents. The nurse said Jess had obviously planned it because she had also included a copy of all her insurance documents and a will. The police had to keep all of the papers as evidence but they let me have the pictures and a copy of the letter she wrote me. I haven’t read it yet though. When they gave it to me, I just sat there for ages, going between watching Amelie and staring at the letter. I couldn’t bring myself to read it. After a couple of hours, a Doctor came in and announced that Amelie had the all clear and I could take her home. I thought they would have kept her in overnight at least but he said they didn’t have any beds available on the paediatric ward and since she was perfectly healthy and I was there any way, there was no reason to keep her. I tried to explain that I had nothing for her, not even a car seat for her to take her home in, but they produced the one she had been found in and the nurse who had told me about Jess offered to show me how to strap it into my car. I was freaking out the entire time. I just kept thinking it couldn’t be real; that I would wake up any moment and find it was all some crazy dream, but it never happened. I still don’t believe they just sent me off with her like that. Not one person stopped to question the fact that I so obviously didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t think it had occurred to any of them I’d never met my daughter until that night. After all, why would it? My name was on the birth certificate, they had a letter asking them to call me as her emergency contact and they were rushed off their feet. It probably never occurred to them to question it.”
Kurt smiled sadly, squeezing Blaine’s hand in a comforting gesture. “I’m sorry.” He said softly. “No matter what happened, Jess was your friend. I’m sorry you had to lose her like that.”
Blaine nodded his head gratefully, curving his lips into a wobbly smile.
“The rest of the night was so surreal. I decided I should call on the way home to pick up some formula and some diapers and a couple of changes of clothes for her which was a complete disaster. I never knew diapers came in so many sizes Kurt! How are you supposed to know which ones to get? And clothes are no better! She’s five and a half months old, so do you get things for 3-6 month olds which she’s going to grow out of in a matter of weeks, or do you go for the 6-9 month option which will all be too big for her?! I practically had a mental breakdown in the middle of the store - some old woman had to come and help me out and as soon as she found out Amelie was my daughter, not my sister, all she could do was look down her nose at me like I was the biggest screw up she had ever seen! Then she insisted on stuffing my cart full of every baby care product you could possibly think of and every time I asked whether something was completely necessary she just tutted at me and muttered something about facing up to responsibilities. When we finally got home I had to sneak Amelie in without my parents hearing us and then I stayed up all night watching her sleep because I was terrified that she would wake up, start crying and my parents would hear and fly off the handle at me. I changed my first diaper, which by the way is the most disgusting thing I have ever had to do, and then I just lay there with her resting on my chest, watching her sleep and trying to work out what I was going to say to my parents in the morning.”
Kurt watched his boyfriend getting riled up just thinking about everything with a sadness in his heart. He could understand where Blaine’s parents were coming from saying he couldn’t have anything to do with his daughter, after all, it was heartbreaking watching Blaine suffer like this. Blaine had been a teenage parent for less than 24 hours and already he was being judged and labelled by complete strangers. He didn’t deserve that. He could see how much re-living the previous night hurt Blaine and it saddened him to know that there was worse to come, after all, Blaine still hadn’t told him how he became homeless or what was in the letter from Jess. He adjusted Amelie in his arms, eliciting a small whimper before the little girl sighed and curled tighter to him, and leaned back into the couch, shoulder rubbing against Blaine’s as he continued his story.
“I stayed in my room as long as I thought I could get away with it the next morning but eventually I knew one of my parents would come looking for me if I didn’t go down to breakfast of my own accord. I dressed Amelie and myself, grabbed my bag that I had packed for LA along with the few things I had bothered to bring in from the car last night for Amelie and we went downstairs. I left everything by the front door in case we needed to make a quick getaway and then I took Amelie into the kitchen for breakfast. Both my parents were already there. They had their backs to the door and I could hear them talking about plans for the day; what time we were leaving for the airport, when our flights were, what time Cooper was picking us up at the other end, just the general things you talk about the morning you go on vacation. It all seemed so normal. Then my Mom looked around and saw me standing in the doorway holding Amelie and she just froze; stopped talking mid sentence and just sat there staring at us like we’d fallen from the sky or something. Her silence alerted my Dad to the fact that something wasn’t right and things just kind of snowballed from there.
They stayed pretty calm to start with. My Dad asked me to explain myself so I did. I told them everything, from that first phone call from Jess and the promise I made her to the call from the paramedics, going to the hospital, Jess’ letter and bringing Amelie home. My Dad asked me if I’d already phone Child Services and asked them to come get her. Just asked straight out with no emotion whatsoever, no recognition of the fact it was his granddaughter he was trying to get rid of like that. So I told him I hadn’t and that I wasn’t going to. He just went mad. He was talking so fast, getting louder and louder and not letting me get a word in. He kept telling me how irresponsible I was being, how I couldn’t keep her because I wasn’t old enough or mature enough. He said that if it was just because I’d promised Jess I’d look after her then I should think again, because Amelie would be far better off and looked after with someone who actually wanted her. I tried to stay calm, honest I did. I tried to tell him that I didn’t only want to keep her because of what I had said to Jess but because she was mine. The second I saw her in the hospital, I knew I would do anything for her. I love her and the thought of giving her up and never seeing her again just hurts too much to even think about it. When I said that to Dad, he told me I was being ridiculous, that I’d only met her 12 hours ago and I couldn’t possibly feel that strongly about her. So I asked him how he felt about me and Cooper. I asked him whether he could have given either of us away like that after having us for 12 hours and he didn’t have an answer to that. I think my Mom realised I was right, because she tried to persuade him to give me a chance. She suggested Amelie come to LA with us and that when we got back the three of us talk properly and decide what was best for both Amelie and I and have a look at our options.”
Kurt nodded his head, the idea sounding sensible to him. He quickly realised though that with Blaine sitting here in his living room claiming to be homeless, and his parents on their way to LA, this couldn’t be what had actually happened.
“My Dad didn’t agree.” Blaine continued, practically whispering.
“He told my Mom he wouldn’t condone it. That he wouldn’t allow such madness under his roof. Then he gave me a choice. He said I could call child services right then and ask them to come pick up Amelie straight away, or, I could take Amelie and leave. He said that if I wanted to raise my daughter myself then I could find somewhere else to do it because he refused to give me his blessing or support me in that decision. He also made it clear that if I decided to leave with Amelie, I could forget them paying tuition at Dalton for me for the next two years. He said he refused to throw good money away on school for me when I was just going to flunk out anyway because there was no way I could juggle parenting and the course load at Dalton.”
Blaine didn’t pause long enough for Kurt to react before he continued.
“So, I turned around, walked out of the kitchen, grabbed my bags from where I left them by the front door and walked out. I put Amelie in the car, got in myself and drove away. I didn’t look back and I didn’t say goodbye.
“I drove round in circles for ages before I ended up outside the park Jess and I used to play in when we were kids. There is this old tree just inside the fence which we used to climb. We used to spend hours sitting in that tree just doing nothing. I spent most of the day today sitting under it with Amelie, telling her stories about her Mom and me when we were little. I know she’s too young and she won’t understand or remember, but I just thought she deserved to hear stories. My Dad text me not long after I got there to say if I wasn’t home within an hour they were going to LA without me and would expect me to have moved my stuff out by the time they got home. My Mom text me just over an hour later to tell me they loved me but that my Dad was right. She said I can go home when I’m ready to give up Amelie.”
Kurt sat in silence after listening to Blaine’s tale. It was a lot to take in but his heart was breaking for Blaine. No one should have to go through any of those things in isolation but to have them all happen at once was unthinkable. Without speaking he got up and gently placed the once again sleeping Amelie in the basket on the table, kissing the crown of her head delicately as he did so. Once his arms were empty, he opened them wide, inviting Blaine in for a hug.
Blaine for his part didn’t need asking twice. The moment Kurt’s arms were empty and waiting for him, he flung himself forward, pulling Kurt in tight, burying his face in his neck and sobbing brokenly while Kurt whispered soothing words and sounds in his ear, much like he had done with Amelie earlier.
As Blaine drew strength from Kurt and Kurt quietly soothed his boyfriend’s broken heart, Kurt thought to himself. He couldn’t deny he was still hurt that Blaine had kept such a big secret from him and he was still worried about what else Blaine may be capable of keeping from him but he could see how much Blaine cared about his daughter, despite only having met her less than 24 hours ago. Kurt wasn’t naive. He knew what would happen if Blaine and Amelie had nowhere else to go. Blaine would end up with no choice but to follow his parents’ wishes and give up his daughter. Amelie would go into care and end up being adopted out and Blaine would go home to his parents where things would forever be strained between them because Blaine blamed them for the fact he lost his daughter. Blaine would never see Amelie again and yes, he probably would move on in the end but that didn’t mean it would hurt him any less. Kurt had seen the heartbreak that came with giving up a child. Both Puck and Quinn, for all they claimed to be fine about having given Beth away, missed the daughter they had given up. It wasn’t always noticeable but there were times, particularly if the subject of children came up, when the sadness was evident in their eyes. Kurt didn’t want Blaine to suffer the same fate. But what was the alternative? If it was just Blaine, Kurt would ask his Dad to let him stay with them, but there was no way his Dad and Carole would ever agree to having Blaine and his daughter move in. Besides, even if by some miracle they did, there were so many other things to consider. They both had school, although as well as finding somewhere to live, Blaine now also had to find a school to go to too. There was child care to consider; who would look after Amelie while Blaine was in school? Where would the money come from for him to feed and clothe her? How would he explain her to his friends and teachers? Blaine evidently loved his daughter and wanted to keep her, but the more Kurt thought about it the harder he realised it would be. But one thing was certain to Kurt. He loved Blaine. And because he loved Blaine, he had to do his best to support him in this. He didn’t know how, but he was going to do everything he could to help Blaine keep Amelie with him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carole stood outside the family room door blinking back tears. She hadn’t intended to listen to Kurt and Blaine’s conversation however she had heard the baby crying and came to see if she could help. By the time she had pushed open the door however Kurt had already managed to calm the little girl and Carole didn’t want to interrupt the moment happening between the two boys. She knew she should have just left quietly then but something kept her feet rooted to the spot on which she stood, listening to Blaine’s retelling of the past 24 hours. She had so many mixed emotions over everything she had heard that she didn’t know where to begin processing them. There was shock that anyone could ever treat their child the way Jess’ parents had treated her, horror that a teenage girl could feel so lost she couldn’t see any other way out, compassion for Blaine who had been forced to grow up literally overnight, anger that Blaine’s parents would rather see him living in a shop doorway somewhere than have him at home with his daughter. It was the last one that she had the most trouble processing. By no means did she believe herself to be the perfect parent however she knew for certain that neither Finn nor Kurt could ever do anything that would result in her kicking either of them out, especially if neither of them had anywhere else to go.
Standing in the hallway and watching Kurt and Blaine through the gap in the door, Carole knew what she had to do. She wouldn’t see Blaine and Amelie torn apart; they had both lost too much already, and she couldn’t see them out on the street, the two wouldn’t last five minutes. Somehow, she had to talk Burt into letting the two of them stay.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kurt wasn’t sure how long he sat with Blaine, holding his boyfriend tight, but eventually their quiet time was broken by a loud yawn from Blaine. He blushed slightly as Kurt pulled back to look at him.
“I’m sorry, it’s just been a really long day.”
Kurt nodded in understanding, remembering what Blaine had said about how he had spent the previous night.
“You must be exhausted, especially since you didn’t sleep last night.”
“I feel like I could sleep for a week.” Blaine sighed softly, suppressing another yawn, “but there is so much going on in my head, I won’t be able to sleep yet.”
Kurt stood and held a hand out to his younger boyfriend. “You think that now, but you’ll be out like a light the second your head hits the pillow. Come on, I’ll set you up in the guest room for the night.”
Blaine shrugged, quietly thinking to himself that Kurt might be right. Slowly, he held up has hand, letting Kurt pull him to his feet before his brain caught up with the second thing Kurt just said.
“Shouldn’t you check with Carole and your Dad before you send me to bed in the guest room? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if it was just me but I can’t just expect them to be okay with Amelie staying here.”
Kurt fixed his boyfriend with a harsh glare. “It’s late and there is no way I’m letting you drive anywhere when you are this tired. I’m sure they will both be fine with you staying for one night, just leave them to me. Okay?”
Blaine sighed, not having the energy to argue. “Okay, just one night. Tomorrow I can take Amelie back to my parents for a few days while I try and work out what to do in the long term. At least I know they won’t be there for a couple of weeks so I don’t have to find somewhere else straight away.”
“Don’t worry about that for now. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” Kurt answered him firmly. “Did you need to get anything from the car?”
Blaine nodded his head tiredly before looking down at Amelie, a puzzled expression on his face. Kurt noticed Blaine’s silent struggle and decided to help him out.
“Why don’t you go and get what you need and take it up to the guest room? I’ll take Amelie and let Carole know you’re both staying and we’ll meet you up there.”
Blaine smiled gratefully; glad that after everything he could still count on Kurt to know what he was thinking at any given time, and kissed him gently before walking out of the room and slipping out of the front door. Kurt was just picking Amelie up to go looking for Carole when the woman in question walked into the family room.
“Where did Blaine go?” she asked, concern in her voice.
Kurt smiled reassuringly. “He’s just gone to the car to get a few things for him and Amelie.” He paused, suddenly not sure how to ask if it was ok for his boyfriend and his daughter to stay the night. He didn’t think Carole would say no, but suddenly he realised what a big ask it was. Luckily Carole beat him to the punch.
“He’s staying here tonight I assume?”
Kurt breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at Carole hopefully. “Is that okay? I can drive them back to his parents if it’s not.”
Carole just smiled at him. “Of course it’s okay sweetie. It’s obviously been a long day for him. I’d feel far happier knowing him and Amelie are here tonight rather than in that big house on their own. They’re staying in the guest room though, right?” She asked, smiling at him knowingly.
Kurt blushed, knowing that Carole was alluding to the fact she had caught Blaine sneaking out of Kurt’s room at 4am the last time he slept over. It had all been completely innocent; the boys had just fallen asleep watching a DVD on Kurt’s bed, but Carole seemed to enjoy teasing them like only a mother could. “Yes Carole, they will stay in the guest room, I’ll stay in my room, everyone will be where they are supposed to be with no inappropriate behaviour at all.” He answered her, trying really hard not to roll his eyes at her.
Carole just laughed good naturedly as they heard the front door open again, Blaine coming back inside. Kurt followed Carole out into the hallway meeting Blaine at the bottom of the stairs. Carole took both of them by surprise as she pulled Blaine into a tight hug. Blaine felt his chest tighten and his eyes prickle as she hugged him tight, suddenly hit with the realisation that his own mother hadn’t hugged him in over a year; not since before she found out he’d managed to get his best friend pregnant. Carole pulled back and looked Blaine in the eye, speaking to him sternly.
“No matter what, you are always welcome here. Understand me?” She asked him firmly.
Blaine just nodded his head, smiling weakly. “Thanks Carole.” He answered her softly.
She ruffled his hair affectionately. “No need to thank me. Now, go to bed. You’re exhausted. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Blaine and Kurt bid Carole goodnight and headed upstairs together, Kurt following Blaine into the guest room and finally realising how much stuff Blaine had with him. He watched in fascination as Blaine opened up a travel cot and put it in the corner of the room.
“You weren’t kidding when you said that woman made you buy everything they had were you?” He laughed softly.
Blaine shook his head. “Nope. The back seat of my car looks like I’ve burgled mothercare. There’s a stroller, play mats, bottles, pacifiers, diapers, a bouncer, more toys than she could possibly ever need. My parents will freak when they get their next credit card bill but what are they going to do about it? It’s not like they can kick me out or anything.” He added bitterly.
Kurt put a comforting hand on his shoulder before handing Amelie to him.
“I’m going to leave you and Amelie to settle in. I’ll be in my room getting ready for bed if you want to come say goodnight when you’ve put her down.”
Blaine smiled gratefully, glad once again that Kurt understood him and realised he needed to put Amelie to bed by himself this first time. “I’ll be there soon.” He told him as Kurt walked to the door.
Kurt just smiled. “I’ll see you soon then.” He paused before adding, “I love you.”
Blaine let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding in.
“Love you too.” He replied as Kurt stepped out of the room into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
20 minutes later there was a quiet knock on Kurt’s door as it creaked slowly open. Kurt looked up from where he was sitting at his vanity finishing off his evening skincare routine and smiled softly as he saw Blaine standing in the door way.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t going to come.” He told him, only half joking. “I thought you might have fallen asleep.”
Blaine shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the ground while fidgeting nervously with a walkie-talkie like device he held in his hand.
“I’ve put Amelie down. I couldn’t make my brain stop thinking though. I needed to see you again.” He paused, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m scared you won’t be here when I wake up. Or you’ll realise you don’t want me here and kick me out.” He finally confessed softly. His voice sounding so young with those few words that Kurt felt his heart break a little.
Kurt got up from his vanity and walked to the bed, sitting down against the headboard and patting the space next to him, inviting Blaine to sit with him. Blaine went gladly, placing the device in his hand on Kurt’s bedside table before sinking into Kurt’s arms gratefully.
“What’s that?” Kurt asked him, indicating the device Blaine had just put down.
Blaine smiled softly. “It’s a baby monitor. They come in pairs - you leave one with the baby and keep the other one with you and when the baby cries, you can hear them.” Blaine blushed. “I told you that woman in the store made me get everything they had. I guess she knew what she was talking about though.”
Kurt hummed quietly, gently carding his fingers through Blaine’s gel free hair. He could sense Blaine was working up to saying something and he didn’t want to throw him off track so he figured non-committal sounds were the best way to go. He wasn’t disappointed as Blaine suddenly began to speak, his thoughts and fears flowing out of him without any control.
“I’m scared Kurt. I’m scared I’m going to screw up with Amelie and that she’ll grow up to hate me, that my parents will never talk to me again, that your Dad will ban you from seeing me once he finds out I’m just another screw up teenage parent with no prospects. I’m scared that I’ll lose touch with all my friends, now I can’t go to Dalton with them anymore and won’t be able to drop everything to visit them at evenings and on weekends because I’ll have to worry about child care. I’m scared of what I’ll see when I open that letter from Jess, I’m scared it will tarnish my memories of her when I should be able to remember her the way we were before all this. Before we went to that party and got stupidly drunk and did the most idiotic thing in the history of idiocy. I’m scared that I won’t be able to find anywhere for me and Amelie to live and that I’ll end up losing her. But most of all, I’m scared that you’ll wake up in the morning and realise you hate me for this and that you’ll leave me and I’ll have lost the best thing that ever happened to me, my best friend and the man I honestly see myself spending forever with.”
Blaine fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt, not daring to look up at Kurt as he continued speaking.
“I’m not going to ask you to help me with Amelie, because she’s not your problem and you shouldn’t have to, you’re dating me not her. You shouldn’t have to plan your life around a baby that you never asked for. I remember, when you told me about Quinn and Puck and their baby drama, you said you were glad you were gay because at least you would never have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t want to force this on you Kurt. I know it’s not something you want. And I don’t want to get in the way of your future. We had big plans for all the things we were going to do together. We were going to move to New York, you next September and I was going to follow the year after. We were going to get an amazing apartment just for us, have awesome Broadway careers, become big names, get married. We were going to live our dream.”
Blaine trailed off, blinking back tears as he tried to summon the words and the strength to continue.
“I’m not going to be able to come to New York any more Kurt. I have to worry about her now. I was thinking about it when I was putting her to bed, if my parents won’t support me financially then I can’t afford day care for her. If I can’t afford day care then I can’t go to school. I figure I can drop out now, find a job I can do from home while I look after her, nothing special, just something to pay the bills. Then when she’s a bit older, maybe when she starts school, I can get my GED, perhaps even take some college classes at OSU if I’m lucky. And then maybe, if I’m really lucky and all the guys in New York are blind, when Amelie is old enough and I have enough money saved that the two of us can move to New York, we can move in down the hall from you, and you’ll still be single, or at least be single again because I’d never think of asking you to wait all that time for me, and if we’re lucky, there will still be a spark between us.”
Kurt felt tears leaking from his eyes and flowing down his cheeks as Blaine spoke. He had really mixed feelings about Blaine’s daughter however hearing Blaine talk, laying his soul bare like he had before doing what Kurt thought sounded suspiciously like trying to break up with him, he realised that none of it mattered. Yes he was hurt and yes he wished Blaine had told him, but it wasn’t like Blaine had cheated on him. He slept with Jess before he even met Kurt so as much as he wanted to Kurt couldn’t take issue with that, not fairly any way. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine his life in five years time, a game he had played with himself so many times. For the past few months, whenever he had played this game he saw what Blaine had described of their plan. The two of them, living in a cosy New York flat near Central Park, going out every night to perform on Broadway and coming home to each other, wedding rings on their fingers. But now, he was almost scared by the changes he was imagining. Instead of a one bed flat, it was now a two bed. A toy box sat in the corner and a little blonde girl sat enraptured by a doll which Kurt recognised as one of his own, one he had inherited from his Mom. The little girl smiling at him toothily and begging him to come play with her.
He was brought back to reality by Blaine sniffling quietly and realised he’d been quiet for quite a while. He looked at Blaine, seeing the despair in his eyes.
“No.” He said firmly, gripping Blaine’s chin and pulling his face up so he could look him in the eyes. “I’m not letting you break up with me.”
Blaine looked up at him, a mix of hope and awe in his face. He opened his mouth to speak however Kurt placed a finger over his lips, quieting him while Kurt finished talking.
“I won’t deny that this is all a little overwhelming and I’ll admit that its taking all my self control not to completely freak out right now. I don’t know how to deal with this and there is a huge part of me that just wants to scream at you for keeping this from me. But that won’t help anyone. I can’t change all this, not without causing even more problems. So I’ll learn to deal with it. I love you and I don’t want this to be what splits us up. I don’t want anything to split us up, not ever.”
He paused, trying to work out what else he needed to say and what Blaine needed to hear. Blaine knew there was something he needed to say however so he took the opportunity to start talking while Kurt was quiet.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to be a second father to her.” He said softly. “She’s my mistake, not yours. You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for her.”
Kurt looked up, glaring heatedly at Blaine.
“That’s the last time you talk about her like that Blaine Anderson.” He growled out. “Do you know how many times you’ve called her a problem or a mistake this evening? No matter how she came to be, you don’t talk about her like that. Imagine how she will feel when she’s older, if someone tells her you used to refer to her as a mistake? How would you feel if you heard your parents talking about you that way?”
His voice softened and he squeezed Blaine’s hand comfortingly as he watched remorse come over Blaine’s face as he realised just what he had said.
“I’m not offering to be a second father to her. It’s not my place to do it and even if it was, I really don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I’m happy to be her Uncle Kurt and to be her Daddy’s boyfriend but right now, that’s all I can be. As for the future? Don’t worry about it right now. We’ve still got a couple of months before I have to start with college applications so for now, let’s focus on getting you and Amelie sorted, then we can start worrying about the future. And as for all those other things you’re stressing over. Don’t. The fact you’re worrying about screwing up with her tells me that you’re going to be an amazing Dad and she will grow up to love you so much. Your parents will come round when they realise you’re serious about raising Amelie yourself and my Dad will be proud of you for doing the right thing and taking responsibility for your actions. Your friends will just have to visit you on evenings and at the weekends or meet up with you at baby friendly venues. Or you could get someone to babysit for you; I’m sure I can find you plenty of willing sitters. I’ve already told you that I’m not going anywhere, although I suppose the only proof of that will be when I’m still here in the morning. You’ll find somewhere to live, I’ll help you. And the only way to know what is in that letter from Jess is to read it. So you need to decide; do you want to know what she has to say and risk destroying some of your memories, or would you rather not know?”
Blaine nodded, understanding what Kurt was saying even if it didn’t help to calm his fears.
“What would you do?” He asked quietly, wishing Kurt would make the decision for him. Kurt however just shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter what I would do.” Kurt answered firmly, leaving no room for debate. “You need to do what you think will be best for you.”
“Will you read it with me?” Blaine asked after a few moments.
Kurt just shook his head. “No. What’s in that letter is between you and Jess. I’ll be here when you’ve read it with all the sympathy you need but it’s private; you should read it yourself. If you still want me to know what it says after you’ve read it, you can tell me.”
Blaine nodded his head, yawning loudly as he did so, suddenly feeling completely exhausted.
“I think I should probably get some sleep” he finally decided, hating the thought of having to go back to the guest room by himself but knowing better than to try and sleep in here with Kurt when he knew Burt was due back before too much longer and would be checking both boys were in the right rooms on his way to bed.
Kurt rose to his feet, walking hand in hand to his bedroom door with Blaine.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He told his boyfriend pointedly, once again affirming to him that he wasn’t going anywhere. Blaine just nodded before leaning in to kiss Kurt good night. The boys finally parted reluctantly, neither really wanting to be separated. Blaine stepped back into the hallway, blowing Kurt one final kiss before retreating the few steps down the hall to the guest room and sealing himself inside.
Kurt stood in his doorway for a while after Blaine had gone. Staring at the closed guest room door and trying to calm the raging storm of thoughts swirling round in his head. He knew he should go to bed too, but like Blaine earlier, he realised there was no way he would sleep. He needed to work through everything he was feeling. He needed to talk to someone about it. Ordinarily he would have gone to Blaine or Mercedes or possibly even Rachel and talked to them but on this occasion he realised he didn’t have those options. He couldn’t talk to Blaine for obvious reasons and he couldn’t talk to Mercedes or Rachel because as much as he loved his girls they couldn’t keep a secret if their lives depended on it and he couldn’t have Blaine’s situation becoming the next big piece of McKinley High gossip. It wasn’t until he heard movement downstairs that he realised he did have someone he could talk to. He and Carole were slowly becoming closer and he knew she would listen to him without judging. She may even be able to give him some good advice. Feeling lighter already just from the prospect of being able to talk things through, Kurt headed back down to the kitchen in the hopes of finding a hot drink and a caring ear.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carole was just making herself a cup of tea when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around and smiled when she saw Kurt.
“Can’t sleep sweetie?” she asked him.
Kurt shrugged his shoulders silently, dropping into a seat at the table.
“You want a cup of tea? She asked again, wanting to hear him talk, to know he was ok.
Kurt nodded his head. “Yes please.” He answered quietly.
Carole finished making the tea quickly and came over to sit with him, handing him a steaming mug as she passed.
Kurt smiled gratefully and took a sip, moaning in pleasure as he did.
“You make the best tea Carole.” He told her with a smile on his face. “Your tea always makes me feel better.”
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Carole asked him, cutting straight to the chase.
Kurt looked down at the table. Suddenly very interested in the grain of the wood.
“Blaine just tried to break up with me.” He finally told her, his voice no louder than a whisper.
Carole for her part did not act surprised. She merely took his hand in hers and asked him a question.
“Why do you think he did that?”
On hearing her words a dam broke in Kurt and he found himself telling her everything. All that Blaine had told him that evening about Jess and Amelie and his parents. Everything they had discussed upstairs when Blaine confessed all his fears to Kurt. After he’d given her a summary of the evening, he told her how he was feeling. How he felt bad for Blaine and he loved him but how part of him wanted to shout at him for lying and keeping secrets. He talked for what felt like forever, confiding in Carole about how worried he was that this would end badly and Blaine or Amelie or both would get hurt.
“He says he doesn’t want to ask me to be Amelie’s second Father.” Kurt drew to a close with the one thing that was worrying him more than anything else, “But is it bad that I think I might want to be?” He didn’t look up at Carole as he spoke, not wanting to see the look on her face. “I don’t want him to put his life on hold and he shouldn’t have to. I know I’m not ready to be a father right now, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to help him be one. I want to help him with this Carole. I love him, I can’t let him do this alone.”
Carole listened to her step son talk, in awe of how grown up and mature he was being about all this. She remembered vividly the day Finn told her his girlfriend was having a baby; how lost he was and the fear in his eyes. For all Kurt was obviously scared, it was also obvious that he was being very practical about this. Without warning, Carole got up and walked round the table, pulling Kurt into a tight hug.
“I’m so proud of you.” She mumbled into his hair.
Kurt beamed on hearing her words, amazed she could say something like that in a situation like this. He was going to ask for clarification on exactly what she was proud of when she carried on talking.
“Most kids your age, heck, even most adults would have run a mile if their boyfriend or girlfriend turned up one day with their six month old child who they had never even mentioned existed. But you looked after Blaine and listened to him. You helped him calm Amelie when she cried. You said all the things he needed to hear in order to reassure him. Why wouldn’t I be proud of you?” she asked him, running her fingers through his hair soothingly.
Kurt sniffed softly. “Thanks Carole.” He answered eventually, not really knowing what else to say.
Carole pulled back, taking Kurt’s hands in her own. “You’re welcome. Now. As to you wanting to help Blaine, before you make any decisions I want you to go to bed and sleep on it. Deciding to raise a baby with someone is a big decision to make. Even if you aren’t ready to be her father, if you help Blaine you’ll be becoming part of her life and once you’ve done that you can’t walk away; it’s not fair on any one. So go to bed, sleep on it, maybe even take a few days to think if you need to. Then sit down with Blaine and talk like grownups about what you want to do and how you feel. I know you’ll do the right thing.”
She dropped Kurt’s hands, picking up their tea cups and putting them in the dishwasher. Before turning back to see Kurt getting to his feet.
“Good night Kurt, I’ll see you in the morning.” She told him.
Kurt just nodded. “Good night Carole. And thank you.” He smiled sleepily before turning and walking from the room.
(Part 3)
Artist:
chosenfire28
Author:
cait_85
Rating (art/fic if different): G/PG13
Word Count: 32,807
Warnings (if any): OC character death (suicide, brief mention)
Beta(s): TBA
Fic Summary: Blaine has a big secret which he’s been hiding from everyone. Unfortunately, the thing about Secrets is that they have a tendency to come out sooner or later and when they do, someone has to pick up the pieces.
(Part 1)
Blaine closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and began his tale.
“It started with a phone call last night. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the name on the screen of my phone. I hadn’t spoken to Jess since the day her parents marched her out of our house in disgrace, but I never deleted her number. I guess I was just trying to keep hold of what I could. It sounds stupid, but as soon as I saw her name flashing up on the screen, I knew something was wrong. She didn’t sound herself when I spoke to her. She wasn’t making sense, just kept apologising over and over again. Then she told me Amelie was outside and begged me to look after her which was really confusing because the only Amelie I knew was the doll my I gave her for her fifth birthday that my Mom let me pick out when we vacationed in Paris. I couldn’t understand why the doll was outside or why I had to look after it for her but she was so worked up that I thought maybe if I just promised she would calm down and explain what was going on but before I could find out if that worked, there was a really loud bang and then the line went dead. I tried calling her back but she didn’t answer.”
Blaine was lost in the memories of the past 24 hours as he spoke, the whole story spilling out. He wrung his hands together nervously, eyes fixed downwards, afraid to see the look in his boyfriends eyes as he continued.
“I should have done something as soon as the phone went dead but I didn’t realise what was going on. If I’d just gone straight round there, maybe things would have been different. I could have saved her! But I thought she had just been caught talking to me by her parents and was busy being told off or something. So I finished packing for the trip to Cali and tidied up my room a bit and then I started getting ready for bed and by the time I had done all that I had practically forgotten the weird call from Jess. I was just getting into bed when my phone rang again. I didn’t recognise the number but I answered it any way. It was strange. Of all the things that phone call could have been, I would never have guessed it would be a paramedic telling me they were on the way to the emergency room with my daughter Amelie. I just went onto auto pilot. I didn’t even get dressed or tell my parents I was going out, just put some sneakers on with my pyjamas, grabbed my keys and my wallet, got in the car and drove. It wasn’t until I got to the hospital that I started to wonder why they called me. Then it clicked what they had said her name was and I remembered the strange call from Jess and suddenly it was just so cold and I was so scared. I didn’t even make it to the information desk. A Nurse was walking past and she realised something was wrong. I could barely speak. I just about managed to get out that I had had a call that my daughter had been brought in. By some amazing co-incidence, she was one of the nurses who had looked her over when she was bought in. She asked me if she could see some ID and as soon as she’d checked I was Blaine Anderson, she took me back to see Amelie.”
Blaine breathed deeply, tear filled eyes snapping up to look at Kurt.
“She looked so small, lying in an incubator in the emergency room. The nurse said she was fine, she was just a little cold when she was brought in so they were trying to warm her up a bit. I asked her why they called me, why they didn’t call Jess or her parents since it was their front yard she was in. She just went really quiet. She didn’t answer for a long time and that told me everything I needed to know. When she finally did speak, she told me there had been a fire. Jess’ parents weren’t there, they are in Europe on holiday or something, but Jess was inside the house, the doors and windows all locked. By the time the fire fighters got there it was too late. Jess hadn’t been lying when she told me Amelie was outside; they had found her under a bush in the front yard. She was in a car seat, wrapped tightly in blankets. There was a letter with her; it was addressed to me. The nurse explained that the paramedics had opened it which was how they got my contact details. As well as the letter and a sheet with my details on it naming me Amelie’s emergency contact, there was a copy of Amelie’s birth certificate and a few photos’s of her and Jess. I don’t know how she did it, but Jess managed to have my name put on Amelie’s birth certificate; she’s given her my last name and everything. I would love to know how she managed to get that past her parents. The nurse said Jess had obviously planned it because she had also included a copy of all her insurance documents and a will. The police had to keep all of the papers as evidence but they let me have the pictures and a copy of the letter she wrote me. I haven’t read it yet though. When they gave it to me, I just sat there for ages, going between watching Amelie and staring at the letter. I couldn’t bring myself to read it. After a couple of hours, a Doctor came in and announced that Amelie had the all clear and I could take her home. I thought they would have kept her in overnight at least but he said they didn’t have any beds available on the paediatric ward and since she was perfectly healthy and I was there any way, there was no reason to keep her. I tried to explain that I had nothing for her, not even a car seat for her to take her home in, but they produced the one she had been found in and the nurse who had told me about Jess offered to show me how to strap it into my car. I was freaking out the entire time. I just kept thinking it couldn’t be real; that I would wake up any moment and find it was all some crazy dream, but it never happened. I still don’t believe they just sent me off with her like that. Not one person stopped to question the fact that I so obviously didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t think it had occurred to any of them I’d never met my daughter until that night. After all, why would it? My name was on the birth certificate, they had a letter asking them to call me as her emergency contact and they were rushed off their feet. It probably never occurred to them to question it.”
Kurt smiled sadly, squeezing Blaine’s hand in a comforting gesture. “I’m sorry.” He said softly. “No matter what happened, Jess was your friend. I’m sorry you had to lose her like that.”
Blaine nodded his head gratefully, curving his lips into a wobbly smile.
“The rest of the night was so surreal. I decided I should call on the way home to pick up some formula and some diapers and a couple of changes of clothes for her which was a complete disaster. I never knew diapers came in so many sizes Kurt! How are you supposed to know which ones to get? And clothes are no better! She’s five and a half months old, so do you get things for 3-6 month olds which she’s going to grow out of in a matter of weeks, or do you go for the 6-9 month option which will all be too big for her?! I practically had a mental breakdown in the middle of the store - some old woman had to come and help me out and as soon as she found out Amelie was my daughter, not my sister, all she could do was look down her nose at me like I was the biggest screw up she had ever seen! Then she insisted on stuffing my cart full of every baby care product you could possibly think of and every time I asked whether something was completely necessary she just tutted at me and muttered something about facing up to responsibilities. When we finally got home I had to sneak Amelie in without my parents hearing us and then I stayed up all night watching her sleep because I was terrified that she would wake up, start crying and my parents would hear and fly off the handle at me. I changed my first diaper, which by the way is the most disgusting thing I have ever had to do, and then I just lay there with her resting on my chest, watching her sleep and trying to work out what I was going to say to my parents in the morning.”
Kurt watched his boyfriend getting riled up just thinking about everything with a sadness in his heart. He could understand where Blaine’s parents were coming from saying he couldn’t have anything to do with his daughter, after all, it was heartbreaking watching Blaine suffer like this. Blaine had been a teenage parent for less than 24 hours and already he was being judged and labelled by complete strangers. He didn’t deserve that. He could see how much re-living the previous night hurt Blaine and it saddened him to know that there was worse to come, after all, Blaine still hadn’t told him how he became homeless or what was in the letter from Jess. He adjusted Amelie in his arms, eliciting a small whimper before the little girl sighed and curled tighter to him, and leaned back into the couch, shoulder rubbing against Blaine’s as he continued his story.
“I stayed in my room as long as I thought I could get away with it the next morning but eventually I knew one of my parents would come looking for me if I didn’t go down to breakfast of my own accord. I dressed Amelie and myself, grabbed my bag that I had packed for LA along with the few things I had bothered to bring in from the car last night for Amelie and we went downstairs. I left everything by the front door in case we needed to make a quick getaway and then I took Amelie into the kitchen for breakfast. Both my parents were already there. They had their backs to the door and I could hear them talking about plans for the day; what time we were leaving for the airport, when our flights were, what time Cooper was picking us up at the other end, just the general things you talk about the morning you go on vacation. It all seemed so normal. Then my Mom looked around and saw me standing in the doorway holding Amelie and she just froze; stopped talking mid sentence and just sat there staring at us like we’d fallen from the sky or something. Her silence alerted my Dad to the fact that something wasn’t right and things just kind of snowballed from there.
They stayed pretty calm to start with. My Dad asked me to explain myself so I did. I told them everything, from that first phone call from Jess and the promise I made her to the call from the paramedics, going to the hospital, Jess’ letter and bringing Amelie home. My Dad asked me if I’d already phone Child Services and asked them to come get her. Just asked straight out with no emotion whatsoever, no recognition of the fact it was his granddaughter he was trying to get rid of like that. So I told him I hadn’t and that I wasn’t going to. He just went mad. He was talking so fast, getting louder and louder and not letting me get a word in. He kept telling me how irresponsible I was being, how I couldn’t keep her because I wasn’t old enough or mature enough. He said that if it was just because I’d promised Jess I’d look after her then I should think again, because Amelie would be far better off and looked after with someone who actually wanted her. I tried to stay calm, honest I did. I tried to tell him that I didn’t only want to keep her because of what I had said to Jess but because she was mine. The second I saw her in the hospital, I knew I would do anything for her. I love her and the thought of giving her up and never seeing her again just hurts too much to even think about it. When I said that to Dad, he told me I was being ridiculous, that I’d only met her 12 hours ago and I couldn’t possibly feel that strongly about her. So I asked him how he felt about me and Cooper. I asked him whether he could have given either of us away like that after having us for 12 hours and he didn’t have an answer to that. I think my Mom realised I was right, because she tried to persuade him to give me a chance. She suggested Amelie come to LA with us and that when we got back the three of us talk properly and decide what was best for both Amelie and I and have a look at our options.”
Kurt nodded his head, the idea sounding sensible to him. He quickly realised though that with Blaine sitting here in his living room claiming to be homeless, and his parents on their way to LA, this couldn’t be what had actually happened.
“My Dad didn’t agree.” Blaine continued, practically whispering.
“He told my Mom he wouldn’t condone it. That he wouldn’t allow such madness under his roof. Then he gave me a choice. He said I could call child services right then and ask them to come pick up Amelie straight away, or, I could take Amelie and leave. He said that if I wanted to raise my daughter myself then I could find somewhere else to do it because he refused to give me his blessing or support me in that decision. He also made it clear that if I decided to leave with Amelie, I could forget them paying tuition at Dalton for me for the next two years. He said he refused to throw good money away on school for me when I was just going to flunk out anyway because there was no way I could juggle parenting and the course load at Dalton.”
Blaine didn’t pause long enough for Kurt to react before he continued.
“So, I turned around, walked out of the kitchen, grabbed my bags from where I left them by the front door and walked out. I put Amelie in the car, got in myself and drove away. I didn’t look back and I didn’t say goodbye.
“I drove round in circles for ages before I ended up outside the park Jess and I used to play in when we were kids. There is this old tree just inside the fence which we used to climb. We used to spend hours sitting in that tree just doing nothing. I spent most of the day today sitting under it with Amelie, telling her stories about her Mom and me when we were little. I know she’s too young and she won’t understand or remember, but I just thought she deserved to hear stories. My Dad text me not long after I got there to say if I wasn’t home within an hour they were going to LA without me and would expect me to have moved my stuff out by the time they got home. My Mom text me just over an hour later to tell me they loved me but that my Dad was right. She said I can go home when I’m ready to give up Amelie.”
Kurt sat in silence after listening to Blaine’s tale. It was a lot to take in but his heart was breaking for Blaine. No one should have to go through any of those things in isolation but to have them all happen at once was unthinkable. Without speaking he got up and gently placed the once again sleeping Amelie in the basket on the table, kissing the crown of her head delicately as he did so. Once his arms were empty, he opened them wide, inviting Blaine in for a hug.
Blaine for his part didn’t need asking twice. The moment Kurt’s arms were empty and waiting for him, he flung himself forward, pulling Kurt in tight, burying his face in his neck and sobbing brokenly while Kurt whispered soothing words and sounds in his ear, much like he had done with Amelie earlier.
As Blaine drew strength from Kurt and Kurt quietly soothed his boyfriend’s broken heart, Kurt thought to himself. He couldn’t deny he was still hurt that Blaine had kept such a big secret from him and he was still worried about what else Blaine may be capable of keeping from him but he could see how much Blaine cared about his daughter, despite only having met her less than 24 hours ago. Kurt wasn’t naive. He knew what would happen if Blaine and Amelie had nowhere else to go. Blaine would end up with no choice but to follow his parents’ wishes and give up his daughter. Amelie would go into care and end up being adopted out and Blaine would go home to his parents where things would forever be strained between them because Blaine blamed them for the fact he lost his daughter. Blaine would never see Amelie again and yes, he probably would move on in the end but that didn’t mean it would hurt him any less. Kurt had seen the heartbreak that came with giving up a child. Both Puck and Quinn, for all they claimed to be fine about having given Beth away, missed the daughter they had given up. It wasn’t always noticeable but there were times, particularly if the subject of children came up, when the sadness was evident in their eyes. Kurt didn’t want Blaine to suffer the same fate. But what was the alternative? If it was just Blaine, Kurt would ask his Dad to let him stay with them, but there was no way his Dad and Carole would ever agree to having Blaine and his daughter move in. Besides, even if by some miracle they did, there were so many other things to consider. They both had school, although as well as finding somewhere to live, Blaine now also had to find a school to go to too. There was child care to consider; who would look after Amelie while Blaine was in school? Where would the money come from for him to feed and clothe her? How would he explain her to his friends and teachers? Blaine evidently loved his daughter and wanted to keep her, but the more Kurt thought about it the harder he realised it would be. But one thing was certain to Kurt. He loved Blaine. And because he loved Blaine, he had to do his best to support him in this. He didn’t know how, but he was going to do everything he could to help Blaine keep Amelie with him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carole stood outside the family room door blinking back tears. She hadn’t intended to listen to Kurt and Blaine’s conversation however she had heard the baby crying and came to see if she could help. By the time she had pushed open the door however Kurt had already managed to calm the little girl and Carole didn’t want to interrupt the moment happening between the two boys. She knew she should have just left quietly then but something kept her feet rooted to the spot on which she stood, listening to Blaine’s retelling of the past 24 hours. She had so many mixed emotions over everything she had heard that she didn’t know where to begin processing them. There was shock that anyone could ever treat their child the way Jess’ parents had treated her, horror that a teenage girl could feel so lost she couldn’t see any other way out, compassion for Blaine who had been forced to grow up literally overnight, anger that Blaine’s parents would rather see him living in a shop doorway somewhere than have him at home with his daughter. It was the last one that she had the most trouble processing. By no means did she believe herself to be the perfect parent however she knew for certain that neither Finn nor Kurt could ever do anything that would result in her kicking either of them out, especially if neither of them had anywhere else to go.
Standing in the hallway and watching Kurt and Blaine through the gap in the door, Carole knew what she had to do. She wouldn’t see Blaine and Amelie torn apart; they had both lost too much already, and she couldn’t see them out on the street, the two wouldn’t last five minutes. Somehow, she had to talk Burt into letting the two of them stay.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kurt wasn’t sure how long he sat with Blaine, holding his boyfriend tight, but eventually their quiet time was broken by a loud yawn from Blaine. He blushed slightly as Kurt pulled back to look at him.
“I’m sorry, it’s just been a really long day.”
Kurt nodded in understanding, remembering what Blaine had said about how he had spent the previous night.
“You must be exhausted, especially since you didn’t sleep last night.”
“I feel like I could sleep for a week.” Blaine sighed softly, suppressing another yawn, “but there is so much going on in my head, I won’t be able to sleep yet.”
Kurt stood and held a hand out to his younger boyfriend. “You think that now, but you’ll be out like a light the second your head hits the pillow. Come on, I’ll set you up in the guest room for the night.”
Blaine shrugged, quietly thinking to himself that Kurt might be right. Slowly, he held up has hand, letting Kurt pull him to his feet before his brain caught up with the second thing Kurt just said.
“Shouldn’t you check with Carole and your Dad before you send me to bed in the guest room? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if it was just me but I can’t just expect them to be okay with Amelie staying here.”
Kurt fixed his boyfriend with a harsh glare. “It’s late and there is no way I’m letting you drive anywhere when you are this tired. I’m sure they will both be fine with you staying for one night, just leave them to me. Okay?”
Blaine sighed, not having the energy to argue. “Okay, just one night. Tomorrow I can take Amelie back to my parents for a few days while I try and work out what to do in the long term. At least I know they won’t be there for a couple of weeks so I don’t have to find somewhere else straight away.”
“Don’t worry about that for now. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” Kurt answered him firmly. “Did you need to get anything from the car?”
Blaine nodded his head tiredly before looking down at Amelie, a puzzled expression on his face. Kurt noticed Blaine’s silent struggle and decided to help him out.
“Why don’t you go and get what you need and take it up to the guest room? I’ll take Amelie and let Carole know you’re both staying and we’ll meet you up there.”
Blaine smiled gratefully; glad that after everything he could still count on Kurt to know what he was thinking at any given time, and kissed him gently before walking out of the room and slipping out of the front door. Kurt was just picking Amelie up to go looking for Carole when the woman in question walked into the family room.
“Where did Blaine go?” she asked, concern in her voice.
Kurt smiled reassuringly. “He’s just gone to the car to get a few things for him and Amelie.” He paused, suddenly not sure how to ask if it was ok for his boyfriend and his daughter to stay the night. He didn’t think Carole would say no, but suddenly he realised what a big ask it was. Luckily Carole beat him to the punch.
“He’s staying here tonight I assume?”
Kurt breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at Carole hopefully. “Is that okay? I can drive them back to his parents if it’s not.”
Carole just smiled at him. “Of course it’s okay sweetie. It’s obviously been a long day for him. I’d feel far happier knowing him and Amelie are here tonight rather than in that big house on their own. They’re staying in the guest room though, right?” She asked, smiling at him knowingly.
Kurt blushed, knowing that Carole was alluding to the fact she had caught Blaine sneaking out of Kurt’s room at 4am the last time he slept over. It had all been completely innocent; the boys had just fallen asleep watching a DVD on Kurt’s bed, but Carole seemed to enjoy teasing them like only a mother could. “Yes Carole, they will stay in the guest room, I’ll stay in my room, everyone will be where they are supposed to be with no inappropriate behaviour at all.” He answered her, trying really hard not to roll his eyes at her.
Carole just laughed good naturedly as they heard the front door open again, Blaine coming back inside. Kurt followed Carole out into the hallway meeting Blaine at the bottom of the stairs. Carole took both of them by surprise as she pulled Blaine into a tight hug. Blaine felt his chest tighten and his eyes prickle as she hugged him tight, suddenly hit with the realisation that his own mother hadn’t hugged him in over a year; not since before she found out he’d managed to get his best friend pregnant. Carole pulled back and looked Blaine in the eye, speaking to him sternly.
“No matter what, you are always welcome here. Understand me?” She asked him firmly.
Blaine just nodded his head, smiling weakly. “Thanks Carole.” He answered her softly.
She ruffled his hair affectionately. “No need to thank me. Now, go to bed. You’re exhausted. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Blaine and Kurt bid Carole goodnight and headed upstairs together, Kurt following Blaine into the guest room and finally realising how much stuff Blaine had with him. He watched in fascination as Blaine opened up a travel cot and put it in the corner of the room.
“You weren’t kidding when you said that woman made you buy everything they had were you?” He laughed softly.
Blaine shook his head. “Nope. The back seat of my car looks like I’ve burgled mothercare. There’s a stroller, play mats, bottles, pacifiers, diapers, a bouncer, more toys than she could possibly ever need. My parents will freak when they get their next credit card bill but what are they going to do about it? It’s not like they can kick me out or anything.” He added bitterly.
Kurt put a comforting hand on his shoulder before handing Amelie to him.
“I’m going to leave you and Amelie to settle in. I’ll be in my room getting ready for bed if you want to come say goodnight when you’ve put her down.”
Blaine smiled gratefully, glad once again that Kurt understood him and realised he needed to put Amelie to bed by himself this first time. “I’ll be there soon.” He told him as Kurt walked to the door.
Kurt just smiled. “I’ll see you soon then.” He paused before adding, “I love you.”
Blaine let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding in.
“Love you too.” He replied as Kurt stepped out of the room into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
20 minutes later there was a quiet knock on Kurt’s door as it creaked slowly open. Kurt looked up from where he was sitting at his vanity finishing off his evening skincare routine and smiled softly as he saw Blaine standing in the door way.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t going to come.” He told him, only half joking. “I thought you might have fallen asleep.”
Blaine shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the ground while fidgeting nervously with a walkie-talkie like device he held in his hand.
“I’ve put Amelie down. I couldn’t make my brain stop thinking though. I needed to see you again.” He paused, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m scared you won’t be here when I wake up. Or you’ll realise you don’t want me here and kick me out.” He finally confessed softly. His voice sounding so young with those few words that Kurt felt his heart break a little.
Kurt got up from his vanity and walked to the bed, sitting down against the headboard and patting the space next to him, inviting Blaine to sit with him. Blaine went gladly, placing the device in his hand on Kurt’s bedside table before sinking into Kurt’s arms gratefully.
“What’s that?” Kurt asked him, indicating the device Blaine had just put down.
Blaine smiled softly. “It’s a baby monitor. They come in pairs - you leave one with the baby and keep the other one with you and when the baby cries, you can hear them.” Blaine blushed. “I told you that woman in the store made me get everything they had. I guess she knew what she was talking about though.”
Kurt hummed quietly, gently carding his fingers through Blaine’s gel free hair. He could sense Blaine was working up to saying something and he didn’t want to throw him off track so he figured non-committal sounds were the best way to go. He wasn’t disappointed as Blaine suddenly began to speak, his thoughts and fears flowing out of him without any control.
“I’m scared Kurt. I’m scared I’m going to screw up with Amelie and that she’ll grow up to hate me, that my parents will never talk to me again, that your Dad will ban you from seeing me once he finds out I’m just another screw up teenage parent with no prospects. I’m scared that I’ll lose touch with all my friends, now I can’t go to Dalton with them anymore and won’t be able to drop everything to visit them at evenings and on weekends because I’ll have to worry about child care. I’m scared of what I’ll see when I open that letter from Jess, I’m scared it will tarnish my memories of her when I should be able to remember her the way we were before all this. Before we went to that party and got stupidly drunk and did the most idiotic thing in the history of idiocy. I’m scared that I won’t be able to find anywhere for me and Amelie to live and that I’ll end up losing her. But most of all, I’m scared that you’ll wake up in the morning and realise you hate me for this and that you’ll leave me and I’ll have lost the best thing that ever happened to me, my best friend and the man I honestly see myself spending forever with.”
Blaine fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt, not daring to look up at Kurt as he continued speaking.
“I’m not going to ask you to help me with Amelie, because she’s not your problem and you shouldn’t have to, you’re dating me not her. You shouldn’t have to plan your life around a baby that you never asked for. I remember, when you told me about Quinn and Puck and their baby drama, you said you were glad you were gay because at least you would never have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t want to force this on you Kurt. I know it’s not something you want. And I don’t want to get in the way of your future. We had big plans for all the things we were going to do together. We were going to move to New York, you next September and I was going to follow the year after. We were going to get an amazing apartment just for us, have awesome Broadway careers, become big names, get married. We were going to live our dream.”
Blaine trailed off, blinking back tears as he tried to summon the words and the strength to continue.
“I’m not going to be able to come to New York any more Kurt. I have to worry about her now. I was thinking about it when I was putting her to bed, if my parents won’t support me financially then I can’t afford day care for her. If I can’t afford day care then I can’t go to school. I figure I can drop out now, find a job I can do from home while I look after her, nothing special, just something to pay the bills. Then when she’s a bit older, maybe when she starts school, I can get my GED, perhaps even take some college classes at OSU if I’m lucky. And then maybe, if I’m really lucky and all the guys in New York are blind, when Amelie is old enough and I have enough money saved that the two of us can move to New York, we can move in down the hall from you, and you’ll still be single, or at least be single again because I’d never think of asking you to wait all that time for me, and if we’re lucky, there will still be a spark between us.”
Kurt felt tears leaking from his eyes and flowing down his cheeks as Blaine spoke. He had really mixed feelings about Blaine’s daughter however hearing Blaine talk, laying his soul bare like he had before doing what Kurt thought sounded suspiciously like trying to break up with him, he realised that none of it mattered. Yes he was hurt and yes he wished Blaine had told him, but it wasn’t like Blaine had cheated on him. He slept with Jess before he even met Kurt so as much as he wanted to Kurt couldn’t take issue with that, not fairly any way. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine his life in five years time, a game he had played with himself so many times. For the past few months, whenever he had played this game he saw what Blaine had described of their plan. The two of them, living in a cosy New York flat near Central Park, going out every night to perform on Broadway and coming home to each other, wedding rings on their fingers. But now, he was almost scared by the changes he was imagining. Instead of a one bed flat, it was now a two bed. A toy box sat in the corner and a little blonde girl sat enraptured by a doll which Kurt recognised as one of his own, one he had inherited from his Mom. The little girl smiling at him toothily and begging him to come play with her.
He was brought back to reality by Blaine sniffling quietly and realised he’d been quiet for quite a while. He looked at Blaine, seeing the despair in his eyes.
“No.” He said firmly, gripping Blaine’s chin and pulling his face up so he could look him in the eyes. “I’m not letting you break up with me.”
Blaine looked up at him, a mix of hope and awe in his face. He opened his mouth to speak however Kurt placed a finger over his lips, quieting him while Kurt finished talking.
“I won’t deny that this is all a little overwhelming and I’ll admit that its taking all my self control not to completely freak out right now. I don’t know how to deal with this and there is a huge part of me that just wants to scream at you for keeping this from me. But that won’t help anyone. I can’t change all this, not without causing even more problems. So I’ll learn to deal with it. I love you and I don’t want this to be what splits us up. I don’t want anything to split us up, not ever.”
He paused, trying to work out what else he needed to say and what Blaine needed to hear. Blaine knew there was something he needed to say however so he took the opportunity to start talking while Kurt was quiet.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to be a second father to her.” He said softly. “She’s my mistake, not yours. You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for her.”
Kurt looked up, glaring heatedly at Blaine.
“That’s the last time you talk about her like that Blaine Anderson.” He growled out. “Do you know how many times you’ve called her a problem or a mistake this evening? No matter how she came to be, you don’t talk about her like that. Imagine how she will feel when she’s older, if someone tells her you used to refer to her as a mistake? How would you feel if you heard your parents talking about you that way?”
His voice softened and he squeezed Blaine’s hand comfortingly as he watched remorse come over Blaine’s face as he realised just what he had said.
“I’m not offering to be a second father to her. It’s not my place to do it and even if it was, I really don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I’m happy to be her Uncle Kurt and to be her Daddy’s boyfriend but right now, that’s all I can be. As for the future? Don’t worry about it right now. We’ve still got a couple of months before I have to start with college applications so for now, let’s focus on getting you and Amelie sorted, then we can start worrying about the future. And as for all those other things you’re stressing over. Don’t. The fact you’re worrying about screwing up with her tells me that you’re going to be an amazing Dad and she will grow up to love you so much. Your parents will come round when they realise you’re serious about raising Amelie yourself and my Dad will be proud of you for doing the right thing and taking responsibility for your actions. Your friends will just have to visit you on evenings and at the weekends or meet up with you at baby friendly venues. Or you could get someone to babysit for you; I’m sure I can find you plenty of willing sitters. I’ve already told you that I’m not going anywhere, although I suppose the only proof of that will be when I’m still here in the morning. You’ll find somewhere to live, I’ll help you. And the only way to know what is in that letter from Jess is to read it. So you need to decide; do you want to know what she has to say and risk destroying some of your memories, or would you rather not know?”
Blaine nodded, understanding what Kurt was saying even if it didn’t help to calm his fears.
“What would you do?” He asked quietly, wishing Kurt would make the decision for him. Kurt however just shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter what I would do.” Kurt answered firmly, leaving no room for debate. “You need to do what you think will be best for you.”
“Will you read it with me?” Blaine asked after a few moments.
Kurt just shook his head. “No. What’s in that letter is between you and Jess. I’ll be here when you’ve read it with all the sympathy you need but it’s private; you should read it yourself. If you still want me to know what it says after you’ve read it, you can tell me.”
Blaine nodded his head, yawning loudly as he did so, suddenly feeling completely exhausted.
“I think I should probably get some sleep” he finally decided, hating the thought of having to go back to the guest room by himself but knowing better than to try and sleep in here with Kurt when he knew Burt was due back before too much longer and would be checking both boys were in the right rooms on his way to bed.
Kurt rose to his feet, walking hand in hand to his bedroom door with Blaine.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He told his boyfriend pointedly, once again affirming to him that he wasn’t going anywhere. Blaine just nodded before leaning in to kiss Kurt good night. The boys finally parted reluctantly, neither really wanting to be separated. Blaine stepped back into the hallway, blowing Kurt one final kiss before retreating the few steps down the hall to the guest room and sealing himself inside.
Kurt stood in his doorway for a while after Blaine had gone. Staring at the closed guest room door and trying to calm the raging storm of thoughts swirling round in his head. He knew he should go to bed too, but like Blaine earlier, he realised there was no way he would sleep. He needed to work through everything he was feeling. He needed to talk to someone about it. Ordinarily he would have gone to Blaine or Mercedes or possibly even Rachel and talked to them but on this occasion he realised he didn’t have those options. He couldn’t talk to Blaine for obvious reasons and he couldn’t talk to Mercedes or Rachel because as much as he loved his girls they couldn’t keep a secret if their lives depended on it and he couldn’t have Blaine’s situation becoming the next big piece of McKinley High gossip. It wasn’t until he heard movement downstairs that he realised he did have someone he could talk to. He and Carole were slowly becoming closer and he knew she would listen to him without judging. She may even be able to give him some good advice. Feeling lighter already just from the prospect of being able to talk things through, Kurt headed back down to the kitchen in the hopes of finding a hot drink and a caring ear.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carole was just making herself a cup of tea when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around and smiled when she saw Kurt.
“Can’t sleep sweetie?” she asked him.
Kurt shrugged his shoulders silently, dropping into a seat at the table.
“You want a cup of tea? She asked again, wanting to hear him talk, to know he was ok.
Kurt nodded his head. “Yes please.” He answered quietly.
Carole finished making the tea quickly and came over to sit with him, handing him a steaming mug as she passed.
Kurt smiled gratefully and took a sip, moaning in pleasure as he did.
“You make the best tea Carole.” He told her with a smile on his face. “Your tea always makes me feel better.”
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Carole asked him, cutting straight to the chase.
Kurt looked down at the table. Suddenly very interested in the grain of the wood.
“Blaine just tried to break up with me.” He finally told her, his voice no louder than a whisper.
Carole for her part did not act surprised. She merely took his hand in hers and asked him a question.
“Why do you think he did that?”
On hearing her words a dam broke in Kurt and he found himself telling her everything. All that Blaine had told him that evening about Jess and Amelie and his parents. Everything they had discussed upstairs when Blaine confessed all his fears to Kurt. After he’d given her a summary of the evening, he told her how he was feeling. How he felt bad for Blaine and he loved him but how part of him wanted to shout at him for lying and keeping secrets. He talked for what felt like forever, confiding in Carole about how worried he was that this would end badly and Blaine or Amelie or both would get hurt.
“He says he doesn’t want to ask me to be Amelie’s second Father.” Kurt drew to a close with the one thing that was worrying him more than anything else, “But is it bad that I think I might want to be?” He didn’t look up at Carole as he spoke, not wanting to see the look on her face. “I don’t want him to put his life on hold and he shouldn’t have to. I know I’m not ready to be a father right now, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to help him be one. I want to help him with this Carole. I love him, I can’t let him do this alone.”
Carole listened to her step son talk, in awe of how grown up and mature he was being about all this. She remembered vividly the day Finn told her his girlfriend was having a baby; how lost he was and the fear in his eyes. For all Kurt was obviously scared, it was also obvious that he was being very practical about this. Without warning, Carole got up and walked round the table, pulling Kurt into a tight hug.
“I’m so proud of you.” She mumbled into his hair.
Kurt beamed on hearing her words, amazed she could say something like that in a situation like this. He was going to ask for clarification on exactly what she was proud of when she carried on talking.
“Most kids your age, heck, even most adults would have run a mile if their boyfriend or girlfriend turned up one day with their six month old child who they had never even mentioned existed. But you looked after Blaine and listened to him. You helped him calm Amelie when she cried. You said all the things he needed to hear in order to reassure him. Why wouldn’t I be proud of you?” she asked him, running her fingers through his hair soothingly.
Kurt sniffed softly. “Thanks Carole.” He answered eventually, not really knowing what else to say.
Carole pulled back, taking Kurt’s hands in her own. “You’re welcome. Now. As to you wanting to help Blaine, before you make any decisions I want you to go to bed and sleep on it. Deciding to raise a baby with someone is a big decision to make. Even if you aren’t ready to be her father, if you help Blaine you’ll be becoming part of her life and once you’ve done that you can’t walk away; it’s not fair on any one. So go to bed, sleep on it, maybe even take a few days to think if you need to. Then sit down with Blaine and talk like grownups about what you want to do and how you feel. I know you’ll do the right thing.”
She dropped Kurt’s hands, picking up their tea cups and putting them in the dishwasher. Before turning back to see Kurt getting to his feet.
“Good night Kurt, I’ll see you in the morning.” She told him.
Kurt just nodded. “Good night Carole. And thank you.” He smiled sleepily before turning and walking from the room.
(Part 3)