All we need. . . is a Narco-elephant.
In my never ending attempts to win CLO of the year before the year is up, I have decided to plan a Local Staff Appreciation day. With all of the continuing resolutions, debt ceilings, and random congressional nonsense, I figured our local staff needed to know that we appreciate their standing by us as people thousands of miles away messed with their jobs.
Plus, I read an article about a successful consulate that did the same thing, and they got kudos for it. Hey, if lightning strikes more than once. . . then I want to be holding the rod.
But my spin on it -- since "Take your child to work day" was so successful, I want to do something where the staff can bring their kids. It is summer; it is hot; it is dry. Solution --Water Park!
I soon found out that there are varying degrees of water park-dom here. There is the expensive "we think we are the six flags of Juarez" so we can charge. For everything. They were going to charge us to rent inner tubes for their slides, to rent tables and chairs, to rent a space to hang out. . .Plus park admission and food. And they had a seal show that would last all of five minutes. It would take longer to get everyone in their seats! Plus, seals in the dessert? I can not even fathom. When I visited, one of the local radio stations was having a fan appreciation event; so it was all young people with 2% body fat, and all juiced up on the hormones. I immediately felt old, fat, and dried up.
Park two would be ideal, because it is smaller, has grass, has fewer people and they do not nickle and dime (or is that Peso Y Centavo) a group to death. But, they only have one day available this month. A day that conflicts with an event being run by Public Diplomacy (a Clean Up Juarez Campaign -- painting over graffiti, picking up weeds and garbage. . . something in which I want to participate). The only down side to park two is that you have to go down a dirt road to get there, since their usual paved entrance was closed down to make it more secure.
So, that brings us to my favorite park, and the least likely to host our event. At about a 20 minute drive away, San Jorge water park is what my parents would run if they ran a water park. First of all, three different dirt roads to get there. And each road is quite literally lined with abandonded tires. I mean, tires packed together touching, not randomly thrown on the side. There must be a reason. You then pass a dairy farm that has seen cleaner, and less crowded, days. But once you get to the park itself, you find paved parking and about 150 trees planted in an area about the size of Eddie's Parade, or two football fields. All around the outside of the park, you could see machinery and parts stacked up like a well organized junk yard. I guess the idea being that if something broke, the parts could be rigged together to make something workable--this is why it reminds me of my parent's house/farm/operation.
There is no grass, because the trees block the light. But the shade is nice,so what is a little dirt? The water slides wind through the trees, however, so I imagine the rides themselves are a lot of fun. When we toured (my assistant and I -- did I mention I have an assistant now!?! Will post more about that later), the park was making adjustments because the slides were going too fast. Not that the rest of the park was OSHA compliant, but it was nice that they were taking safety into consideration. Luckily, I had my assistant there to help translate, because our guide spoke without moving his lips--it was like he was in training to be a vantriloquist.
But now the excellent part -- they have a zoo attached to the park. They claim to have about 400 animals, but I would say 200 of them are some type of bird. I am not a fan of birds, so was scepticle. But, they had a herd of exotics, from peacocks to pigions, and all kinds of funny looking chickens. But most impressive: the lions, the tigers, the bears (oh my!), the lynxes, foxes, monkeys, emus, the jaguars, the buffalo, the gazelles--they had more animals than most real zoos!
I say real zoos, because these were not full on 'habitats;' even the crocodiles were in a pen. The pens had two series of chain link separating the guests from the animals -- no fingers going to be lost at this place--the fences were five feet apart making a no-man's land moat.
O.k. So let me get to the punch line. There is a giraffe in a pen in Parque Central (close to the consulate) that has become quite famous -- on our tour, the guide explained that they would love to 'invite' the giraffe to visit. I suggested that they find the giraffe a friend so he would not be lonely. Our guide responded, "Oh yeah! What we really want in an elephant. Hopefully we can get one if the Federal police are successful!" To which I responded: "Que?" It turns out that when the Mexican government raids Narco-compounds, they often find exotic animals. The seized property then is often given to zoos like this one, which take care of them, and I imagine the idea that you can go see a narco-peacock, or narco-lion, is a great draw. So all they need is a Narco-Elephant to pull in the big crowds.
Now, I am not a genius, but it seems to me that the Federal police have it all wrong. Don't bother trying to track down the drugs; track down the narco-elephants instead! I mean, if someone can afford an Elephant in Mexico, they must be doing some kind of business to support said elephant. I mean, if your local neighbor has a few elephants and giraffes stamping around in the back yard, you got to ask your self some questions. Especially if that back yard in question is in the middle of a freakin dessert.
So, park three is may favorite, because it is the least expensive, reminds me of home, is a death trap in the making, and they have narco-animals! But, since it is out in the middle of nowhere, you have to take three dirt roads to get there, and it is a death trap in the making, we have to rule it out.
But still. All I need to make CLO of the year, is a Narco-Elephant!
-K
Plus, I read an article about a successful consulate that did the same thing, and they got kudos for it. Hey, if lightning strikes more than once. . . then I want to be holding the rod.
But my spin on it -- since "Take your child to work day" was so successful, I want to do something where the staff can bring their kids. It is summer; it is hot; it is dry. Solution --Water Park!
I soon found out that there are varying degrees of water park-dom here. There is the expensive "we think we are the six flags of Juarez" so we can charge. For everything. They were going to charge us to rent inner tubes for their slides, to rent tables and chairs, to rent a space to hang out. . .Plus park admission and food. And they had a seal show that would last all of five minutes. It would take longer to get everyone in their seats! Plus, seals in the dessert? I can not even fathom. When I visited, one of the local radio stations was having a fan appreciation event; so it was all young people with 2% body fat, and all juiced up on the hormones. I immediately felt old, fat, and dried up.
Park two would be ideal, because it is smaller, has grass, has fewer people and they do not nickle and dime (or is that Peso Y Centavo) a group to death. But, they only have one day available this month. A day that conflicts with an event being run by Public Diplomacy (a Clean Up Juarez Campaign -- painting over graffiti, picking up weeds and garbage. . . something in which I want to participate). The only down side to park two is that you have to go down a dirt road to get there, since their usual paved entrance was closed down to make it more secure.
So, that brings us to my favorite park, and the least likely to host our event. At about a 20 minute drive away, San Jorge water park is what my parents would run if they ran a water park. First of all, three different dirt roads to get there. And each road is quite literally lined with abandonded tires. I mean, tires packed together touching, not randomly thrown on the side. There must be a reason. You then pass a dairy farm that has seen cleaner, and less crowded, days. But once you get to the park itself, you find paved parking and about 150 trees planted in an area about the size of Eddie's Parade, or two football fields. All around the outside of the park, you could see machinery and parts stacked up like a well organized junk yard. I guess the idea being that if something broke, the parts could be rigged together to make something workable--this is why it reminds me of my parent's house/farm/operation.
There is no grass, because the trees block the light. But the shade is nice,so what is a little dirt? The water slides wind through the trees, however, so I imagine the rides themselves are a lot of fun. When we toured (my assistant and I -- did I mention I have an assistant now!?! Will post more about that later), the park was making adjustments because the slides were going too fast. Not that the rest of the park was OSHA compliant, but it was nice that they were taking safety into consideration. Luckily, I had my assistant there to help translate, because our guide spoke without moving his lips--it was like he was in training to be a vantriloquist.
But now the excellent part -- they have a zoo attached to the park. They claim to have about 400 animals, but I would say 200 of them are some type of bird. I am not a fan of birds, so was scepticle. But, they had a herd of exotics, from peacocks to pigions, and all kinds of funny looking chickens. But most impressive: the lions, the tigers, the bears (oh my!), the lynxes, foxes, monkeys, emus, the jaguars, the buffalo, the gazelles--they had more animals than most real zoos!
I say real zoos, because these were not full on 'habitats;' even the crocodiles were in a pen. The pens had two series of chain link separating the guests from the animals -- no fingers going to be lost at this place--the fences were five feet apart making a no-man's land moat.
O.k. So let me get to the punch line. There is a giraffe in a pen in Parque Central (close to the consulate) that has become quite famous -- on our tour, the guide explained that they would love to 'invite' the giraffe to visit. I suggested that they find the giraffe a friend so he would not be lonely. Our guide responded, "Oh yeah! What we really want in an elephant. Hopefully we can get one if the Federal police are successful!" To which I responded: "Que?" It turns out that when the Mexican government raids Narco-compounds, they often find exotic animals. The seized property then is often given to zoos like this one, which take care of them, and I imagine the idea that you can go see a narco-peacock, or narco-lion, is a great draw. So all they need is a Narco-Elephant to pull in the big crowds.
Now, I am not a genius, but it seems to me that the Federal police have it all wrong. Don't bother trying to track down the drugs; track down the narco-elephants instead! I mean, if someone can afford an Elephant in Mexico, they must be doing some kind of business to support said elephant. I mean, if your local neighbor has a few elephants and giraffes stamping around in the back yard, you got to ask your self some questions. Especially if that back yard in question is in the middle of a freakin dessert.
So, park three is may favorite, because it is the least expensive, reminds me of home, is a death trap in the making, and they have narco-animals! But, since it is out in the middle of nowhere, you have to take three dirt roads to get there, and it is a death trap in the making, we have to rule it out.
But still. All I need to make CLO of the year, is a Narco-Elephant!
-K