Slow Motion Suicide
A sardonic mental applause sounded when I checked my phone this afternoon and realised I didn't make it for class today. Again. I actually enjoy going for class, contrary to the world's belief. Because in class you are more or less absorbed within the boundaries and you haven't much to care for the world beyond.
The world beyond contains issues such as money, friendship, family, working relationships, and making relationships work. Somehow the stars above manage to navigate enough to plot all the trouble dots together to form a choking perimeter around me. Myself. One person. Against so many.
I picture my ego to be like King Kong climbing up the building and sweeping the helicopters with my big furry arms/paws around to the ground. But I know some anti-climax net of ropes will eventually capture my ego and bring me back to ground. I try.
There are many things I regret doing, many people I regret hurting, many lessons I have unlearned. And when I reflect, I know why. Because I always tell myself life is too short to care much about the things I'm doing, the people I'm hurting and the consequences I'll be having. It is like a linear dash towards self-gratification. I don't know if I should still work my life this way, I am selfish and I am having fun that way.
Drink-to-drunk kind of reckless abandon, carpe diem kind of motif, carousels littered with sober realisations and the eventual fuck-its; the collaterals are actually quite impactful. Oh god, I hate myself.
The world beyond contains issues such as money, friendship, family, working relationships, and making relationships work. Somehow the stars above manage to navigate enough to plot all the trouble dots together to form a choking perimeter around me. Myself. One person. Against so many.
I picture my ego to be like King Kong climbing up the building and sweeping the helicopters with my big furry arms/paws around to the ground. But I know some anti-climax net of ropes will eventually capture my ego and bring me back to ground. I try.
There are many things I regret doing, many people I regret hurting, many lessons I have unlearned. And when I reflect, I know why. Because I always tell myself life is too short to care much about the things I'm doing, the people I'm hurting and the consequences I'll be having. It is like a linear dash towards self-gratification. I don't know if I should still work my life this way, I am selfish and I am having fun that way.
Drink-to-drunk kind of reckless abandon, carpe diem kind of motif, carousels littered with sober realisations and the eventual fuck-its; the collaterals are actually quite impactful. Oh god, I hate myself.