Understanding is the true path to wisdom.
I would like to step away from the introspective for a moment and take a look at what I consider to be the ultimate in chick logic holes. Allow me to preface this discussion by saying I only attribute this to women because there have been no reported cases among the male community for so long that such men are considered to be completely extinctAm ( Read more... )
You love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him
-PENDING- his ability and willingness to commit.
If marriage is a -requirement- for her (which it is for many) then it is her responsibility to ensure that her partner is willing to play in that arena. If she came to the conclusion that he's -not-, then she -should- break up with him. Why prolong the agony if -your- requirement for marriage is the limiting factor in the relationship? Likewise, if you feel the need to raise children and you know your (serious) partner doesn't - it's prolly time to fold.
The dangerous aspect is in the grey area of interpretation and the realm of manipulation. She could have been (mis)interpreting his lack of proposition as indicative that he didn't really love her or, more importantly, unwilling to give her what she feels that she needs. Or, she could be an manipulator who placed an ultimatum in order to force his hand. Now, the fact that he turned around and proposed says to me that he must have been either previously willing but in no rush or hesitant and, in effect, needed a check raise.
Personally, I'm no Bridezilla, but I probably am a Mom-zilla. It's always been an important priority for me to have the option to raise kids. So, -serious- relationships have to be with people who are okay with me doing that. I don't want to end up seriously involved with someone a few years from now and then be placed in a situation where either I can't do what I want (have kids), they are pressured into doing what they don't want (have kids) or there's heartbreak due to those irreconcilable priorities.
imprinted into every girl from childhood that causes her to do whatever it takes to get to the altar
Whoa whoa whoa, not all of us! But let me just say that, even in my experience, there -is- a LOT of social and (often) familial pressure on women to be wives. A ring is a status symbol and a indicator of security and the nightmare lack thereof leads to the images of the crone spinster. There are stupid statistics (cuz, you know, it's good to lead your life based on statistics. There's a reason Han Solo says "Never tell me the odds!") that say that a girl who isn't married by 30 will never be married. Plus there's a -biiiig- theme in our society that women are attractive when young and grow more unattractive as they age. Put those things together and they add up to a fear of being left, not just unmarried, but -alone-.
Personally, I say fuck all that. I plan on always being an interesting catch, regardless of my age or appearance. I also strongly think that it's always a poor idea to coerce (even if innocently) someone into making promises they don't particularly want to make. That often leads to -broken- promises and their associated hurt. Personally, I -tend- to shy away from speaking in universals (always, forever) since I'm not Cassandra and can't predict the future.
Child of divorce? *raises hand* :)
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