Broccoli (Sam/Jack kind of crack Fic)
I can't honestly remember why I wrote this but it's dated August 2009. The broccoli is an obvious reference to any Ship family GWers, particularly the Shippy Hippies and Woohoos. Aside from that though, it's fairly self explanatory.
I'll give it a mild warning for suggestive innuendo:
Broccoli
~~~~~~
Jack pushed the floral green vegetable around his plate with a look of disdain on his face and sighed.
Sam glanced over, “What?” She asked as she chewed around her own greenery.
“It’s just wrong I tell ya.”
“Just eat it.” Sam replied turning her attention momentarily back to spearing another morsel and popping it into her mouth.
“Vegetables should not look like a bunch of flowers. It’s just plain wrong!” Jack complained.
Sam placed her knife and fork down deliberately and paused a moment, like a mother gathering her composure with an errant child. “We’ve been over this. Just eat it.” She spoke, letting the irritation creep into her tone.
“I told ya I don’t like the stuff.” He whined petulantly.
“Well then don’t eat it, I don’t care.” She blew out an exasperated breath.
“But you said…”
“Yes, I know. The shippers will be very disappointed but,” She sighed and threw up her arms. “If you don’t wanna give ‘em what they want, well. I guess they’re used to disappointment what with waiting this long for confirmation after all.”
“Hey!” he shot back. “That’s not my fault, it was scripted like that. And, anyway…we were just… biding our time.” He gave a smug smile but she wasn’t buying it.
She chewed on her lip. “You telling me, all that angst, UST, near misses? Other…lovers...” She pulled a face and viciously speared a boiled potato, popping it in her mouth and chewing hard. “…that was all to, what? Keep ‘em hooked? For ratings?” She asked incredulous.
“UST sells, Carter.” He had that silly smug smile again.
“So does actual romance.” She countered. “Jane Austin case in point.”
Jack pulled a face clearly indicating his feelings about period dramas. “So does actual sex.” He responded then grinned hopefully.
She rolled her eyes. “This is a PG forum.” She added.
“Yeah. So?” He replied looking defiant.
“So no chance of…” She made the kind of hand gesture he never realised she even knew.
“Ah, no, sorry. Believe me, I’m as upset about that as you but, y’gotta respect them rules.” He added ruefully.
“Pity.” She said with a hint of a mischievous smile.
“Why?” He asked suspicious.
“Well, getting back to the uh, vegetable you don’t want to eat for a moment…”
“What?” He asked his own exasperation evident now.
“You know that stuff is a great source of folic acid and selenium. And you know what that’s good for of course?”
“Er, no.” He added sarcastically.
“Well, women take folic acid as a pre-natal supplement…”
“Oh!” He added with a flash of panic.
“And selenium is well known to uh, increase virility…” She continued, seemingly oblivious to his uncomfortable look.
He sat up a bit straighter and took notice. Then he glanced at the offending vegetable, contemplating it in a new light. “Really?”
“Oh yeah. It’s…great for that. So, um, I, well, no pressure and I’m not suggesting we actually have the ultimate pro-creationary end goal in sight, well not just yet, because, uh, um, well…we can have fun practising.” She looked hopefully at him.
“Really?” He asked again, completely confused by her babbling but starting to like the direction this was going.
“And, not that I want to suggest you need any help in that department but…” She gestured with her fork to his plate full of green stuff.
“But?” He frowned and wondered if he’d regret asking.
“Well, I thought you’d take any help you could. Um, not that I’m suggesting you’re too old or…not capable or…” She trailed off with a shrug and an apologetic look.
“Oh.” Jack responded, and because he was completely at a loss as to what else to say, added, “But this is a PG forum.”
“Yeah.” She added sadly, “So no chance of that anyway, even if you could…y’know…” She added raising her fork into a suggestively vertical position and shrugging sadly.
He felt hot all of a sudden. Not to mention slightly offended and… a lot in need of proving a point. “You know, there’s always the old fade to the fire trick?”
“Huh?” She questioned, feigning confusion.
“You know, you see the couple start kissing and then the camera cuts to the fireplace while they, uh…” He jiggled his hands about to make his point.
“Oh.” She nodded, “Well, you know. That might work.” She had speculative look on her fact now. “But…”
“What?” He asked.
“What about the broccoli?” Her fork dipped slowly and ominously from vertical so it was pointed forlornly at her plate.
Jack glanced down at his own plate, to her limp fork, then to her expectant face and then back at the plate. It took him about a nanosecond to decide. He picked up the green stalk and popped it in his mouth with a grimace. “What broccoli?” He said, between chews.
Sam’s face broke into an evil grin. The things she’d do to make Jack eat his vegetables.
~End~
I'll give it a mild warning for suggestive innuendo:
Broccoli
~~~~~~
Jack pushed the floral green vegetable around his plate with a look of disdain on his face and sighed.
Sam glanced over, “What?” She asked as she chewed around her own greenery.
“It’s just wrong I tell ya.”
“Just eat it.” Sam replied turning her attention momentarily back to spearing another morsel and popping it into her mouth.
“Vegetables should not look like a bunch of flowers. It’s just plain wrong!” Jack complained.
Sam placed her knife and fork down deliberately and paused a moment, like a mother gathering her composure with an errant child. “We’ve been over this. Just eat it.” She spoke, letting the irritation creep into her tone.
“I told ya I don’t like the stuff.” He whined petulantly.
“Well then don’t eat it, I don’t care.” She blew out an exasperated breath.
“But you said…”
“Yes, I know. The shippers will be very disappointed but,” She sighed and threw up her arms. “If you don’t wanna give ‘em what they want, well. I guess they’re used to disappointment what with waiting this long for confirmation after all.”
“Hey!” he shot back. “That’s not my fault, it was scripted like that. And, anyway…we were just… biding our time.” He gave a smug smile but she wasn’t buying it.
She chewed on her lip. “You telling me, all that angst, UST, near misses? Other…lovers...” She pulled a face and viciously speared a boiled potato, popping it in her mouth and chewing hard. “…that was all to, what? Keep ‘em hooked? For ratings?” She asked incredulous.
“UST sells, Carter.” He had that silly smug smile again.
“So does actual romance.” She countered. “Jane Austin case in point.”
Jack pulled a face clearly indicating his feelings about period dramas. “So does actual sex.” He responded then grinned hopefully.
She rolled her eyes. “This is a PG forum.” She added.
“Yeah. So?” He replied looking defiant.
“So no chance of…” She made the kind of hand gesture he never realised she even knew.
“Ah, no, sorry. Believe me, I’m as upset about that as you but, y’gotta respect them rules.” He added ruefully.
“Pity.” She said with a hint of a mischievous smile.
“Why?” He asked suspicious.
“Well, getting back to the uh, vegetable you don’t want to eat for a moment…”
“What?” He asked his own exasperation evident now.
“You know that stuff is a great source of folic acid and selenium. And you know what that’s good for of course?”
“Er, no.” He added sarcastically.
“Well, women take folic acid as a pre-natal supplement…”
“Oh!” He added with a flash of panic.
“And selenium is well known to uh, increase virility…” She continued, seemingly oblivious to his uncomfortable look.
He sat up a bit straighter and took notice. Then he glanced at the offending vegetable, contemplating it in a new light. “Really?”
“Oh yeah. It’s…great for that. So, um, I, well, no pressure and I’m not suggesting we actually have the ultimate pro-creationary end goal in sight, well not just yet, because, uh, um, well…we can have fun practising.” She looked hopefully at him.
“Really?” He asked again, completely confused by her babbling but starting to like the direction this was going.
“And, not that I want to suggest you need any help in that department but…” She gestured with her fork to his plate full of green stuff.
“But?” He frowned and wondered if he’d regret asking.
“Well, I thought you’d take any help you could. Um, not that I’m suggesting you’re too old or…not capable or…” She trailed off with a shrug and an apologetic look.
“Oh.” Jack responded, and because he was completely at a loss as to what else to say, added, “But this is a PG forum.”
“Yeah.” She added sadly, “So no chance of that anyway, even if you could…y’know…” She added raising her fork into a suggestively vertical position and shrugging sadly.
He felt hot all of a sudden. Not to mention slightly offended and… a lot in need of proving a point. “You know, there’s always the old fade to the fire trick?”
“Huh?” She questioned, feigning confusion.
“You know, you see the couple start kissing and then the camera cuts to the fireplace while they, uh…” He jiggled his hands about to make his point.
“Oh.” She nodded, “Well, you know. That might work.” She had speculative look on her fact now. “But…”
“What?” He asked.
“What about the broccoli?” Her fork dipped slowly and ominously from vertical so it was pointed forlornly at her plate.
Jack glanced down at his own plate, to her limp fork, then to her expectant face and then back at the plate. It took him about a nanosecond to decide. He picked up the green stalk and popped it in his mouth with a grimace. “What broccoli?” He said, between chews.
Sam’s face broke into an evil grin. The things she’d do to make Jack eat his vegetables.
~End~