(no subject)
Strangely enough, I've been getting more and more looks from him. Especially the 17. You'd think I'd feel something. I always just look away. If I really liked him I'd be jealous right? Whenever they're kissing I should be jealous. Yet I only get that uncomfortable feeling I get when anyone makes out that close to me. I guess it's only a light attraction.
All the guys basically cornered me at the ledge and asked me what kind of guy I liked and why I had no one. My brain went blank.I forgot everything about the guy I wanted. Sometime through it all Fujitaka's image came to mind and it stuck. I considered telling them he was my dream guy but figured it was too childish (im proly too old 2 say somthn lik dat anyway). My sis wasn't any help making stupid comments. I felt really bad about her. I noticed the group wasn't interacting with her earlier en las tarimas and I felt so bad. She was just being that way to get attention. I've been feeling guilty about her a lot ever since I got back. When I was over there I re-realized our relationship was too american. I hope this trip boost her self-esteem. I'm going to talk about it as much as possible.
I bumped into g yesterday. Of course I never did when I was looking hot for v-day or the 17. It was only when I 'reverted back' like cameo put it that I bumped into him. At least my hair was loose and pretty. He was talking with some ?colombian? guy who i think called him over and they both walked to each other in spanish who wasn't too shabby looking himself. It was funny cuz he tried climbing over wheelchair bars to get to me on the other side and almost fell. The other guy reacted faster than me and said something like cuidado. I just watched as I do until I realized I should probably say something. i think i said don't fall. i think it all happened quickly but seemed slow. he HUGGED ME. like really HUGGED ME. I guess it's just a big contrast to the fake hugs I'd been getting from pink and I think some other girl too. It made me really happy and warm inside even now when i remember though not as strong. Just a nice small warm feeling and a teary like sensation in the very isolated middle of my closed eyes. I think I was feeling a little depressed but since I don't always seem to feel what I feel I didn't realize it until the hug. Because of it I followed him when he went in the other direction of my class. the other guy left and waved good bye. I didn't even say a word to him, i felt bad. we spoke a little in spanish which is strange. I noticed he did have an accent after all. I'd always wanted to because i felt i had to prove i could to him. no clue why. he said he wanted to telk to me because we never really ever did get a chance to talk. i told him i couldn't because i had a class. he had like an aw reaction. i think this happened after but i'm not sure but i asked him something like why he always why do u always look at me like that why do you always give me that look while covering the bottom part of my face with my new turquoise sweater with the long corners in the front. he said something about him laughing and i asked him why he was always laughing at me. interestingly enough he didn't deny it like i expected. it was an interesting interaction. maybe i'll finish it later since i'm really sleepy now. lights out. for now.
All the guys basically cornered me at the ledge and asked me what kind of guy I liked and why I had no one. My brain went blank.I forgot everything about the guy I wanted. Sometime through it all Fujitaka's image came to mind and it stuck. I considered telling them he was my dream guy but figured it was too childish (im proly too old 2 say somthn lik dat anyway). My sis wasn't any help making stupid comments. I felt really bad about her. I noticed the group wasn't interacting with her earlier en las tarimas and I felt so bad. She was just being that way to get attention. I've been feeling guilty about her a lot ever since I got back. When I was over there I re-realized our relationship was too american. I hope this trip boost her self-esteem. I'm going to talk about it as much as possible.
I bumped into g yesterday. Of course I never did when I was looking hot for v-day or the 17. It was only when I 'reverted back' like cameo put it that I bumped into him. At least my hair was loose and pretty. He was talking with some ?colombian? guy who i think called him over and they both walked to each other in spanish who wasn't too shabby looking himself. It was funny cuz he tried climbing over wheelchair bars to get to me on the other side and almost fell. The other guy reacted faster than me and said something like cuidado. I just watched as I do until I realized I should probably say something. i think i said don't fall. i think it all happened quickly but seemed slow. he HUGGED ME. like really HUGGED ME. I guess it's just a big contrast to the fake hugs I'd been getting from pink and I think some other girl too. It made me really happy and warm inside even now when i remember though not as strong. Just a nice small warm feeling and a teary like sensation in the very isolated middle of my closed eyes. I think I was feeling a little depressed but since I don't always seem to feel what I feel I didn't realize it until the hug. Because of it I followed him when he went in the other direction of my class. the other guy left and waved good bye. I didn't even say a word to him, i felt bad. we spoke a little in spanish which is strange. I noticed he did have an accent after all. I'd always wanted to because i felt i had to prove i could to him. no clue why. he said he wanted to telk to me because we never really ever did get a chance to talk. i told him i couldn't because i had a class. he had like an aw reaction. i think this happened after but i'm not sure but i asked him something like why he always why do u always look at me like that why do you always give me that look while covering the bottom part of my face with my new turquoise sweater with the long corners in the front. he said something about him laughing and i asked him why he was always laughing at me. interestingly enough he didn't deny it like i expected. it was an interesting interaction. maybe i'll finish it later since i'm really sleepy now. lights out. for now.