Fic: Get Up, Get In, or Get Out
At the end of the day it was surprising she lasted as long as she did. Jessica isn't known for her even temper and she'd lived in a state of near constant duress since James had explained their visitor. Not visitor, that implied she would leave someday. Immigrant. Transplant. Refugee. Daughter.
The situation was a slap in the face to Luke, Jess understood that. Their relationship was good, solid, twenty years strong but as steady as he is in everything else, relationships brought out his insecurity. Only visible to the people close enough it'd matter if he lost them, but that's the whole thing, right? Their good, solid, twenty years strong relationship didn't negate the tiny nagging idea that her close, comfortable relationship with James wouldn't be just as good. Wouldn't be better. That she could have made a life with him.
And then living proof walked in. Slap.
Jess wasn't mad at Luke. Or Dani. She wasn't mad at James or Lindy. And she wasn't mad at Natasha. She was kind of scared of Natasha but that's a whole other twenty years strong relationship and it wasn't because of Lindy, or even James. Natasha just is scary.
Everybody else she was mad at.
"Okay I'm done." She hadn't heard what Danny had said but she'd seen his look. She'd felt his eyes -- accusing -- as she had for days. Weeks. She hadn't heard what he'd said now but she'd heard it. And she was tired of it. "If you have something to say to me, say it. If you have something to say about me, say it. I'm not going to put up with the back talk and the mumbles and the murmurs and the -- the -- " She shook her head. "I'm just not."
Danny, truth be told, was almost as tightly wound as Jessica at this point. Truth be told, at this point, nearly everyone was. "Oh, is this hard on you?"
Jessica's angry eyes grew wider. But no less angry. "Are you kidding me with this. What gives you the right to treat me like a criminal in my own home?"
Honestly, even if she was some kind of home wrecker or man eater or whatever -- which she's not! -- take a step back and see what is going on here. Surprise! You have a daughter from another universe would really be enough to expect some sympathy but this girl is from somewhere out of one of Carol's sci-fi dramas, some post-apocalyptic horror world that probably doesn't exist anymore the way we understand existence. And she's damaged. She was tortured and brainwashed and experimented on and taught to murder other children and and and the way she looks at Jessica is both terrifying and heart breaking and what is she supposed to do?
What can she do?
And if Danny or Luke or anyone would just pay attention they'd see that Lindy was far more James and Natasha's daughter than hers. Just like Dani was more Luke and Carol's. Nobody is like Jessica. Nobody would want to be.
Everyone's eyes were always watching -- full of anger, pity, worry, and so many unanswered, unasked questions. As if she was supposed to know. Lindy looked at her with eyes full of both hope and fear. Luke's eyes were full of pain and Dani's accusation. James' eyes echoed her own loneliness and apprehension.
There was no comfort to be found anywhere.
"Yes. Yes, you idiot this is hard on me!"
Danny didn't see any of it. He saw Luke hurting, and his household under strain. He saw it as her fault. "Am I supposed to be feeling sorry for you?
"Yes!"
He laughed at that. A harsh laugh with no humor at all. "Well, I'm sorry but no."
She couldn't find her voice to respond.
"No. No, Jessica, no. I do not feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for Luke. I feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for--"
Oh, there it was. "You feel sorry for you?!"
"Yeah, I do. Because every time you hurt him Luke ends up on my door step."
She wanted to punch him. "So all this anger is because you're too lazy to be a good friend?"
"No all this anger is because you're too selfish to be a good wife."
She really wanted to punch him. But crossed her arms instead. "Oh please explain what a good wife is."
He didn't actually have an answer. "It's not sleeping around I'll tell you that."
"I do not sleep around." Danny's lips flattened in response. "I don't!"
"You're right, what you do is worse. You fling your little relationship in his face every chance you get."
At the growing noise, others had started to join them, but neither noticed nor cared who.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You probably think it's real romantic, don't you? This beautiful passionate affair but you can't be together, kept apart by some misguided sense of devotion and duty. You're your own heroine in a Victorian novel, the mansion is your estate and everyone is a character in your drama." Danny leaned in close. "Do you hear violins? When you picture yourself trapped in your empty marriage, pining for your lover--"
She punched him square in the jaw to stop him talking. Carol grabbed Jessica from behind and pulled away, though she glared steadily at Danny while doing it. Jessica fought but was no match for her friend. She settled for shouting and clawing at the air where Danny used to be.
"You are fucking insane!"
"Lovely." He rubbed his jaw and turned to leave. Jessica tried again to pull away from Carol.
"Don't walk away from me!"
He turned back shouting, "Do you deny it?"
"Deny what?"
"You're in love with him! You have been for years!"
"Yes!" she screeched.
"Ha!" Danny pointed at her in victory. Jessica tried to bite his finger.
"Yes you deny it?" Peter piped up, attempting to help.
"Yes!" Jess answered then hesitated, turning toward Peter. "... No." She shook her head furiously to clear it. "... What?"
Danny stepped close again, though still just out of her clawing sphere. He spoke very calmly, enunciating every word. "Are you, Jessica Jones, in love with James Barnes?"
"Yes!" she said again, and without hesitation. Danny pointed to Jess again, then to Peter. Carol closed her eyes. "... So?"
Danny blinked. "...So?"
"Yeah, so. So what? That's what friends do, they fall in love! I love Carol, too, is that a problem?" In opposition to her words she jerked away from Carol, who let go when Jess didn't immediately return to attacking Danny.
For his part, Danny looked completely floored. "I said in love."
"It's the same thing!"
No one had a response to that.
"Are you going to leave him?"
Jessica turned; she hadn't realized Misty was there. At least Lucy was out with Vincent. Kid shouldn't see this. "Who?" she asked with exasperation.
"Luke!" said Danny.
"What? No! Why would I leave Luke?"
"You're in love with another man." Danny thought she really might have lost her mind.
"So?"
No one had a response to that, either. Jessica rolled her eyes.
"You just said it! I have been for years. It's good. And it's not news to anyone so I honestly do not understand why everyone is so --" Words failed her so she gestured at him wildly.
"Are you ..." Words failed him, too.
"What?!"
He sat down. Like he just couldn't stand up anymore. "I thought you would deny it."
"When have I ever denied anything?"
"Maybe you should," mused Carol.
Jessica turned on her, glaring. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Carol shook her head.
Misty tried again, "Does Luke know?"
"Do you think he'd be acting the way he is if he didn't?"
"Do you hear how selfish you are?" Danny asked from the couch.
Jessica looked like she was going to rush him again and Carol didn't look like she was going to stop her. Peter took a step closer and there was movement on the stairs but Misty intervened first.
"That's not what I was asking! Does Luke know that's what marriage means to you?"
"Oh please, none of you know what marriage means."
Peter frowned. "That's not fair, Jess. We're just as married as you."
She rounded on him. "No you're not! You're as good as, but it's not the same!" Peter opened his mouth to protest. "For better or worse it's not the same."
Peter raised his hand but Misty jumped in again. "Would you feel differently about ...this... if you weren't married?"
Jess threw her hands up. "No but that's not the point."
"What is the point?" asked Danny in a tired voice.
"That you feel differently about 'this' because I'm married."
Peter lowered his hand. "I am so confused right now."
Jessica stomped her feet. "I've been married forever and it is still weird. Little girls don't dream of marriage, they dream of weddings. And love I guess. But marriage is work. Relationships are work. Yours and mine but I'm not judging you for being unmarried. You are all judging me for being married."
"But..." Peter protested weakly. Jess ignored him.
"I didn't get married for fun. Or on a whim. Or whatever. I decided. Okay?"
No one answered.
"I'm just as stubborn as you are, you know!" This to Carol. "And I am just as scared! But it's what Luke wanted. For Dani. And that's mattered more than any of it. And you all sit there in judgment from the cheap seats clanging for a score when we're out on the ice trying not to fall down. You hate me because I love too much? Not the right way? You don't get a say. You don't get to tell me who to love or how to love them or what words to use to describe it. You get no say."
More silence. Danny and Misty were watching again, but their eyes were not cruel. Carol blinked at inexplicable tears and turned to stare at the floor. Peter sighed.
"I love my husband!" shouted Jessica. "Why don't you care about that?"
"We do care, Jess!" Peter shouted back. "But we all -- all --" he repeated to the room at large, "need to stop shouting at each other. We can discuss this. Like the family we are."
The others shifted in place. Receptive maybe. Embarrassed maybe. Still angry maybe. Danny took a breath.
"Does Luke get a say?"
Jess stared. It's like she's speaking a foreign language. "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me even when I am screaming?" she shouted (screamed).
Peter looked like he wanted to answer but was watching someone behind her. Luke, James, Dani, Lindy, Jake, Natasha, Amelia, Lucy... the number of people who might inspire the look in his eyes went on. Carol was still glaring at the floor in anger. Jess' shoulders deflated as all the fight went out of her. What's the point if nobody is listening?
"They underestimate you, Mom. Always have."
Jess whirled around to meet Dani's eyes. She didn't fully understand what she'd said. But she understood that she'd said it. She understood that she'd listened. And that mattered more than any of it.
The situation was a slap in the face to Luke, Jess understood that. Their relationship was good, solid, twenty years strong but as steady as he is in everything else, relationships brought out his insecurity. Only visible to the people close enough it'd matter if he lost them, but that's the whole thing, right? Their good, solid, twenty years strong relationship didn't negate the tiny nagging idea that her close, comfortable relationship with James wouldn't be just as good. Wouldn't be better. That she could have made a life with him.
And then living proof walked in. Slap.
Jess wasn't mad at Luke. Or Dani. She wasn't mad at James or Lindy. And she wasn't mad at Natasha. She was kind of scared of Natasha but that's a whole other twenty years strong relationship and it wasn't because of Lindy, or even James. Natasha just is scary.
Everybody else she was mad at.
"Okay I'm done." She hadn't heard what Danny had said but she'd seen his look. She'd felt his eyes -- accusing -- as she had for days. Weeks. She hadn't heard what he'd said now but she'd heard it. And she was tired of it. "If you have something to say to me, say it. If you have something to say about me, say it. I'm not going to put up with the back talk and the mumbles and the murmurs and the -- the -- " She shook her head. "I'm just not."
Danny, truth be told, was almost as tightly wound as Jessica at this point. Truth be told, at this point, nearly everyone was. "Oh, is this hard on you?"
Jessica's angry eyes grew wider. But no less angry. "Are you kidding me with this. What gives you the right to treat me like a criminal in my own home?"
Honestly, even if she was some kind of home wrecker or man eater or whatever -- which she's not! -- take a step back and see what is going on here. Surprise! You have a daughter from another universe would really be enough to expect some sympathy but this girl is from somewhere out of one of Carol's sci-fi dramas, some post-apocalyptic horror world that probably doesn't exist anymore the way we understand existence. And she's damaged. She was tortured and brainwashed and experimented on and taught to murder other children and and and the way she looks at Jessica is both terrifying and heart breaking and what is she supposed to do?
What can she do?
And if Danny or Luke or anyone would just pay attention they'd see that Lindy was far more James and Natasha's daughter than hers. Just like Dani was more Luke and Carol's. Nobody is like Jessica. Nobody would want to be.
Everyone's eyes were always watching -- full of anger, pity, worry, and so many unanswered, unasked questions. As if she was supposed to know. Lindy looked at her with eyes full of both hope and fear. Luke's eyes were full of pain and Dani's accusation. James' eyes echoed her own loneliness and apprehension.
There was no comfort to be found anywhere.
"Yes. Yes, you idiot this is hard on me!"
Danny didn't see any of it. He saw Luke hurting, and his household under strain. He saw it as her fault. "Am I supposed to be feeling sorry for you?
"Yes!"
He laughed at that. A harsh laugh with no humor at all. "Well, I'm sorry but no."
She couldn't find her voice to respond.
"No. No, Jessica, no. I do not feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for Luke. I feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for--"
Oh, there it was. "You feel sorry for you?!"
"Yeah, I do. Because every time you hurt him Luke ends up on my door step."
She wanted to punch him. "So all this anger is because you're too lazy to be a good friend?"
"No all this anger is because you're too selfish to be a good wife."
She really wanted to punch him. But crossed her arms instead. "Oh please explain what a good wife is."
He didn't actually have an answer. "It's not sleeping around I'll tell you that."
"I do not sleep around." Danny's lips flattened in response. "I don't!"
"You're right, what you do is worse. You fling your little relationship in his face every chance you get."
At the growing noise, others had started to join them, but neither noticed nor cared who.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You probably think it's real romantic, don't you? This beautiful passionate affair but you can't be together, kept apart by some misguided sense of devotion and duty. You're your own heroine in a Victorian novel, the mansion is your estate and everyone is a character in your drama." Danny leaned in close. "Do you hear violins? When you picture yourself trapped in your empty marriage, pining for your lover--"
She punched him square in the jaw to stop him talking. Carol grabbed Jessica from behind and pulled away, though she glared steadily at Danny while doing it. Jessica fought but was no match for her friend. She settled for shouting and clawing at the air where Danny used to be.
"You are fucking insane!"
"Lovely." He rubbed his jaw and turned to leave. Jessica tried again to pull away from Carol.
"Don't walk away from me!"
He turned back shouting, "Do you deny it?"
"Deny what?"
"You're in love with him! You have been for years!"
"Yes!" she screeched.
"Ha!" Danny pointed at her in victory. Jessica tried to bite his finger.
"Yes you deny it?" Peter piped up, attempting to help.
"Yes!" Jess answered then hesitated, turning toward Peter. "... No." She shook her head furiously to clear it. "... What?"
Danny stepped close again, though still just out of her clawing sphere. He spoke very calmly, enunciating every word. "Are you, Jessica Jones, in love with James Barnes?"
"Yes!" she said again, and without hesitation. Danny pointed to Jess again, then to Peter. Carol closed her eyes. "... So?"
Danny blinked. "...So?"
"Yeah, so. So what? That's what friends do, they fall in love! I love Carol, too, is that a problem?" In opposition to her words she jerked away from Carol, who let go when Jess didn't immediately return to attacking Danny.
For his part, Danny looked completely floored. "I said in love."
"It's the same thing!"
No one had a response to that.
"Are you going to leave him?"
Jessica turned; she hadn't realized Misty was there. At least Lucy was out with Vincent. Kid shouldn't see this. "Who?" she asked with exasperation.
"Luke!" said Danny.
"What? No! Why would I leave Luke?"
"You're in love with another man." Danny thought she really might have lost her mind.
"So?"
No one had a response to that, either. Jessica rolled her eyes.
"You just said it! I have been for years. It's good. And it's not news to anyone so I honestly do not understand why everyone is so --" Words failed her so she gestured at him wildly.
"Are you ..." Words failed him, too.
"What?!"
He sat down. Like he just couldn't stand up anymore. "I thought you would deny it."
"When have I ever denied anything?"
"Maybe you should," mused Carol.
Jessica turned on her, glaring. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Carol shook her head.
Misty tried again, "Does Luke know?"
"Do you think he'd be acting the way he is if he didn't?"
"Do you hear how selfish you are?" Danny asked from the couch.
Jessica looked like she was going to rush him again and Carol didn't look like she was going to stop her. Peter took a step closer and there was movement on the stairs but Misty intervened first.
"That's not what I was asking! Does Luke know that's what marriage means to you?"
"Oh please, none of you know what marriage means."
Peter frowned. "That's not fair, Jess. We're just as married as you."
She rounded on him. "No you're not! You're as good as, but it's not the same!" Peter opened his mouth to protest. "For better or worse it's not the same."
Peter raised his hand but Misty jumped in again. "Would you feel differently about ...this... if you weren't married?"
Jess threw her hands up. "No but that's not the point."
"What is the point?" asked Danny in a tired voice.
"That you feel differently about 'this' because I'm married."
Peter lowered his hand. "I am so confused right now."
Jessica stomped her feet. "I've been married forever and it is still weird. Little girls don't dream of marriage, they dream of weddings. And love I guess. But marriage is work. Relationships are work. Yours and mine but I'm not judging you for being unmarried. You are all judging me for being married."
"But..." Peter protested weakly. Jess ignored him.
"I didn't get married for fun. Or on a whim. Or whatever. I decided. Okay?"
No one answered.
"I'm just as stubborn as you are, you know!" This to Carol. "And I am just as scared! But it's what Luke wanted. For Dani. And that's mattered more than any of it. And you all sit there in judgment from the cheap seats clanging for a score when we're out on the ice trying not to fall down. You hate me because I love too much? Not the right way? You don't get a say. You don't get to tell me who to love or how to love them or what words to use to describe it. You get no say."
More silence. Danny and Misty were watching again, but their eyes were not cruel. Carol blinked at inexplicable tears and turned to stare at the floor. Peter sighed.
"I love my husband!" shouted Jessica. "Why don't you care about that?"
"We do care, Jess!" Peter shouted back. "But we all -- all --" he repeated to the room at large, "need to stop shouting at each other. We can discuss this. Like the family we are."
The others shifted in place. Receptive maybe. Embarrassed maybe. Still angry maybe. Danny took a breath.
"Does Luke get a say?"
Jess stared. It's like she's speaking a foreign language. "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me even when I am screaming?" she shouted (screamed).
Peter looked like he wanted to answer but was watching someone behind her. Luke, James, Dani, Lindy, Jake, Natasha, Amelia, Lucy... the number of people who might inspire the look in his eyes went on. Carol was still glaring at the floor in anger. Jess' shoulders deflated as all the fight went out of her. What's the point if nobody is listening?
"They underestimate you, Mom. Always have."
Jess whirled around to meet Dani's eyes. She didn't fully understand what she'd said. But she understood that she'd said it. She understood that she'd listened. And that mattered more than any of it.