my crazy weekend
A woman has a right to be the person that she wants to be. Relying on everybody else's judgment is what makes this society so sick." - Jenna Jameson
I had an eye-opening, inspiring weekend. But not a normal inspiring weekend, not like most people would imagine.
My weekend made me question and analyze traditional relationships even more than I already have. Already I hold a rather non-traditional view of romantic relationships. I was already leaning to one side of the continuum, but now I think I have been driven beyond the scope of the contemporary continuum.
First, I went to a party at a house in the woods. They only requirement was to wear whatever you wanted to. so, we did. We were some of the most conservatively dressed people at the house. It was wonderful seeing people express themselves comfortable in their choice of clothes.
I've met beautiful, loving, intriguing polyamorous couples, who couldn't be happier. I now have a real, non-stereotypical understanding of the sub/dom culture. First there was C and J (C being the girl, J being the boy, their names not included for privacy) J is a man of heroic proportions, standing almost 7 feet tall, but built with brawn, unlike most stick thin guys at that height. He had long pretty blond hair he wore in a ponytail. He was warm, welcoming, strong, confident and flirtatious. The kilt helped too I think. C was a tribal style belly dancer and his girlfriend. She was open, friendly, confident, cute and welcoming. They both flirted openly with various people, without being jealous or possessive. J flirted openly with me, warm and inviting. C flirted too, to compliment him. If I were ever a third in a relationship, I would want to be theirs. I would want to stay in their yurt at Pennsic. She danced in her costume in the living room. Then, there was the cute slim couple that tangoed in the living room. Their bond was obvious the moment they started to dance. They were so obviously in love and head over heels for each other. They have been together for 9 years, are married and still so in love. and guess what? They're poly too! I think these couples must have a level of understanding of each other and their needs that most couples never even approach even after years of marriage. Their communication has to be exceptional in order to keep from hurting each other, and a whole lot of maturity is needed to skirt possessiveness and understand that one person can't and shouldn't be expected to fulfill all of their partners needs wants and desires for their entire life. That's quite a burden, one that poly couples don't believe is fair. Upstairs was the BDSM area, which we (me and a friend) only ventured into when no one else was up there, no activity was going on. We went up there and looked around at what was lying on the floor and propped against the wall, and didn't really understand how that sub-culture functions. People expect me to know all about it because I make the leather stuff like collars and cuffs and harnesses and spanking straps when people order them, but just because I know people who do it, and make things they use, doesn't mean I understand.
Then, there was the Temptation event at Volume 11. I had no idea what to expect and I learned a WHOLE LOT. At first, I was there with my female friend and we met up with my best friend from high school and her boyfriend, C and J were there, and then I ran into tons of people I am friend with from my college, an hour away. My best friend, her boyfriend, C, J and I had a big discussion on the dance floor about the BDSM culture. They helped me understand the sub/dom thing, and the hitting, pain/pleasure thing. Although I have known about it for a very long time, due to my parent's shop, I didn't understand how everything worked. I hadn't stepped into the culture. I have made lots of bondage collars and cuffs for groups, individuals and couples, but never truly understood. I had this blurry and stereotypical understanding. During our discussion, we talked about what I wanted, what I needed, how they understood things, how they experienced things. I asked (probably stupid) questions and they were answered without the slightest hint of disdain. I was not looked down on for my naiveté, nor scorned if I wanted something that was a little taboo. They earnestly helped me try to figure out what I wanted, and reassured me it was ok if I wanted something taboo. I even told C and J about my vaginismus. They really listened and understood and offered all kinds of possible solutions. I could tell C actually thought about what I said and applied it. It was so refreshing.
The environment at the event was uninhibited and freeing. I really felt like most of the people there were being their authentic self, which is really rare in our society. People wore what they wanted, danced how they wanted, kissed who they wanted. People could be without being judged. I felt so free to be myself without the worry of ridicule. Women wore what they wanted regardless of how skinny or heavy or how perky, floppy, large or small their boobs were. I felt safer there than I have in public in a really long time.
I was really surprised by how the whole pleasure/pain thing worked. I thought the hitting would be violent and without regard for the comfort of the person being hit. I watched doms using floggers without violence, in an artful way. I watched a dom use one on a girl who was trying it for the first time. He was so gentle- it seemed like the flogger created more of a sensation than pain. He would touch her where the flogger would follow, to let her know it was coming. They communicated constantly, making sure she was comfortable. Of course, some people wanted and liked pain, even high amounts of it, but it wasn't solely about pain. I talked to my best friend's boyfriend about the interaction between sub and dom. He said that in his role, he doesn't enjoy inflicting pain on his girlfriend, but that he enjoys the interaction between them, her enjoyment of what he did to her. I came out of the evening wishing that our society was so embracing of diversity and sexual freedom. Everyone there shed the shackles of social expectations and became their authentic selves. I want to feel free like that. I feel bound up so tight in so many different ways. Why do we let society have any control over our sexuality. What right to others have to tell us what we should and shouldn't want, what is right and wrong? Of course, we must safeguard those who cannot choose, or who are vulnerable, like children, animals and people with mental disabilities, but otherwise we shouldn't be told who we should and shouldn't be with. Being around the polyamorous couples was the opposite of uncomfortable or creepy. Instead I felt the electricity of love and understanding. There is maturity, love, communication and authenticity. The acceptance of their partner's genuine selves, the kind of love that is growing and unselfish. It was refreshing and inspiring, but I know it takes work. My boyfriend came to the event, dreading it. He didn't want to come, but I wanted him to at least be there with me for a while. He told me, (he's 3 years older and much more sexually experienced) that he had already tested the waters of those things and didn't like them. He said he knew he was going to be very uncomfortable there. I just really wanted him to come to the event but couldn't explain why. So he agreed to make an appearance to appease me. He actually ended up having a wonderful time. He said he suddenly felt freer and had a new understanding. He said he felt like he could really act the way he wanted to and wear what he wanted to without fear or dread of ridicule. He said it was nice to be around people who were without inhibitions. We have decided to keep going to those events. The vibe is infectious. I am hoping that we will become closer to the people I became friends with at the party.
The only problem is my dad will be at the next one with me, because we are going to set up a vending table. So that might be a little weird.
I was inspired to make all sorts of new awesome things to sell. There are all these designs trapped in my head at the moment. Harnesses, bustiers, collars, leashes, luxury cuffs, decorative leather, functional and beautiful clothes I won't be able to make for quite a while.
I had an eye-opening, inspiring weekend. But not a normal inspiring weekend, not like most people would imagine.
My weekend made me question and analyze traditional relationships even more than I already have. Already I hold a rather non-traditional view of romantic relationships. I was already leaning to one side of the continuum, but now I think I have been driven beyond the scope of the contemporary continuum.
First, I went to a party at a house in the woods. They only requirement was to wear whatever you wanted to. so, we did. We were some of the most conservatively dressed people at the house. It was wonderful seeing people express themselves comfortable in their choice of clothes.
I've met beautiful, loving, intriguing polyamorous couples, who couldn't be happier. I now have a real, non-stereotypical understanding of the sub/dom culture. First there was C and J (C being the girl, J being the boy, their names not included for privacy) J is a man of heroic proportions, standing almost 7 feet tall, but built with brawn, unlike most stick thin guys at that height. He had long pretty blond hair he wore in a ponytail. He was warm, welcoming, strong, confident and flirtatious. The kilt helped too I think. C was a tribal style belly dancer and his girlfriend. She was open, friendly, confident, cute and welcoming. They both flirted openly with various people, without being jealous or possessive. J flirted openly with me, warm and inviting. C flirted too, to compliment him. If I were ever a third in a relationship, I would want to be theirs. I would want to stay in their yurt at Pennsic. She danced in her costume in the living room. Then, there was the cute slim couple that tangoed in the living room. Their bond was obvious the moment they started to dance. They were so obviously in love and head over heels for each other. They have been together for 9 years, are married and still so in love. and guess what? They're poly too! I think these couples must have a level of understanding of each other and their needs that most couples never even approach even after years of marriage. Their communication has to be exceptional in order to keep from hurting each other, and a whole lot of maturity is needed to skirt possessiveness and understand that one person can't and shouldn't be expected to fulfill all of their partners needs wants and desires for their entire life. That's quite a burden, one that poly couples don't believe is fair. Upstairs was the BDSM area, which we (me and a friend) only ventured into when no one else was up there, no activity was going on. We went up there and looked around at what was lying on the floor and propped against the wall, and didn't really understand how that sub-culture functions. People expect me to know all about it because I make the leather stuff like collars and cuffs and harnesses and spanking straps when people order them, but just because I know people who do it, and make things they use, doesn't mean I understand.
Then, there was the Temptation event at Volume 11. I had no idea what to expect and I learned a WHOLE LOT. At first, I was there with my female friend and we met up with my best friend from high school and her boyfriend, C and J were there, and then I ran into tons of people I am friend with from my college, an hour away. My best friend, her boyfriend, C, J and I had a big discussion on the dance floor about the BDSM culture. They helped me understand the sub/dom thing, and the hitting, pain/pleasure thing. Although I have known about it for a very long time, due to my parent's shop, I didn't understand how everything worked. I hadn't stepped into the culture. I have made lots of bondage collars and cuffs for groups, individuals and couples, but never truly understood. I had this blurry and stereotypical understanding. During our discussion, we talked about what I wanted, what I needed, how they understood things, how they experienced things. I asked (probably stupid) questions and they were answered without the slightest hint of disdain. I was not looked down on for my naiveté, nor scorned if I wanted something that was a little taboo. They earnestly helped me try to figure out what I wanted, and reassured me it was ok if I wanted something taboo. I even told C and J about my vaginismus. They really listened and understood and offered all kinds of possible solutions. I could tell C actually thought about what I said and applied it. It was so refreshing.
The environment at the event was uninhibited and freeing. I really felt like most of the people there were being their authentic self, which is really rare in our society. People wore what they wanted, danced how they wanted, kissed who they wanted. People could be without being judged. I felt so free to be myself without the worry of ridicule. Women wore what they wanted regardless of how skinny or heavy or how perky, floppy, large or small their boobs were. I felt safer there than I have in public in a really long time.
I was really surprised by how the whole pleasure/pain thing worked. I thought the hitting would be violent and without regard for the comfort of the person being hit. I watched doms using floggers without violence, in an artful way. I watched a dom use one on a girl who was trying it for the first time. He was so gentle- it seemed like the flogger created more of a sensation than pain. He would touch her where the flogger would follow, to let her know it was coming. They communicated constantly, making sure she was comfortable. Of course, some people wanted and liked pain, even high amounts of it, but it wasn't solely about pain. I talked to my best friend's boyfriend about the interaction between sub and dom. He said that in his role, he doesn't enjoy inflicting pain on his girlfriend, but that he enjoys the interaction between them, her enjoyment of what he did to her. I came out of the evening wishing that our society was so embracing of diversity and sexual freedom. Everyone there shed the shackles of social expectations and became their authentic selves. I want to feel free like that. I feel bound up so tight in so many different ways. Why do we let society have any control over our sexuality. What right to others have to tell us what we should and shouldn't want, what is right and wrong? Of course, we must safeguard those who cannot choose, or who are vulnerable, like children, animals and people with mental disabilities, but otherwise we shouldn't be told who we should and shouldn't be with. Being around the polyamorous couples was the opposite of uncomfortable or creepy. Instead I felt the electricity of love and understanding. There is maturity, love, communication and authenticity. The acceptance of their partner's genuine selves, the kind of love that is growing and unselfish. It was refreshing and inspiring, but I know it takes work. My boyfriend came to the event, dreading it. He didn't want to come, but I wanted him to at least be there with me for a while. He told me, (he's 3 years older and much more sexually experienced) that he had already tested the waters of those things and didn't like them. He said he knew he was going to be very uncomfortable there. I just really wanted him to come to the event but couldn't explain why. So he agreed to make an appearance to appease me. He actually ended up having a wonderful time. He said he suddenly felt freer and had a new understanding. He said he felt like he could really act the way he wanted to and wear what he wanted to without fear or dread of ridicule. He said it was nice to be around people who were without inhibitions. We have decided to keep going to those events. The vibe is infectious. I am hoping that we will become closer to the people I became friends with at the party.
The only problem is my dad will be at the next one with me, because we are going to set up a vending table. So that might be a little weird.
I was inspired to make all sorts of new awesome things to sell. There are all these designs trapped in my head at the moment. Harnesses, bustiers, collars, leashes, luxury cuffs, decorative leather, functional and beautiful clothes I won't be able to make for quite a while.