vaginismus
I am almost 100% sure that I have something called "vaginismus" Basically, my vaginal floor muscles tighten whenever there is penetration and possibly even thoughts about penetration. Sex is almost always painful. it feels like he is too big for me, it burns, stings and there's lots of pressure. often there is a high degree of pain after sex.
obviously, this has largely killed my sex drive. my body doesn't really want it anymore because my brain has been conditioned to link sex with pain. I pretty much never initiate sex with my boyfriend. I never attack him or anything. This is creating a big problem in my relationship. He doesn't feel wanted because I don't ever initiate sex. when we do have sex, he is frustrated because he feels like he can't enjoy himself because so many movements and positions hurt that he is constantly worried he is hurting me. sometimes when he climaxes it causes me a great deal of pain but I let him finish because I don't want to cut him off right at the peak. but he tells me that its not even a good orgasm then because I'm in pain.
I always looked around me at all these slutty girls at my college go sleep with everyone and wondered why they did it. I have never had sex without some degree of pain (sometimes very very little, sometimes so much I have to stop) So I can't understand why they want to do it. until I realized that for them, its entirely pleasure. why did this have to happen to me? why do I have to suffer? its not fair. they get to go sleep with whoever they want and it feels good. I can't even make love to someone I have been with for 3 years without pain. its just not fair.
I found a self treatment kit online that has books, a DVD, a workbook and 5 dilators and it costs $100. considering an average vibrator costs between 30 and 50 bucks, I think that two books, a DVD and a dilator set is a good deal at $100. My university offers free counseling to students, so I think I'm gonna ask my boyfriend to buy me the kit and I'll follow the self treatment plan in that as well as get counseling. I think counseling may help with fixing my brain's conditional response to sex as well as some pent up issues from my past that affect me sexually. The only thing I'm wondering is if I should go see my gynecologist before I buy the treatment kit. Not that she would tell me anything different but just to see if she can write me some sort of recommendation for the kit so that maybe my insurance will cover it.
I just hope it works. I really really need it to work.
obviously, this has largely killed my sex drive. my body doesn't really want it anymore because my brain has been conditioned to link sex with pain. I pretty much never initiate sex with my boyfriend. I never attack him or anything. This is creating a big problem in my relationship. He doesn't feel wanted because I don't ever initiate sex. when we do have sex, he is frustrated because he feels like he can't enjoy himself because so many movements and positions hurt that he is constantly worried he is hurting me. sometimes when he climaxes it causes me a great deal of pain but I let him finish because I don't want to cut him off right at the peak. but he tells me that its not even a good orgasm then because I'm in pain.
I always looked around me at all these slutty girls at my college go sleep with everyone and wondered why they did it. I have never had sex without some degree of pain (sometimes very very little, sometimes so much I have to stop) So I can't understand why they want to do it. until I realized that for them, its entirely pleasure. why did this have to happen to me? why do I have to suffer? its not fair. they get to go sleep with whoever they want and it feels good. I can't even make love to someone I have been with for 3 years without pain. its just not fair.
I found a self treatment kit online that has books, a DVD, a workbook and 5 dilators and it costs $100. considering an average vibrator costs between 30 and 50 bucks, I think that two books, a DVD and a dilator set is a good deal at $100. My university offers free counseling to students, so I think I'm gonna ask my boyfriend to buy me the kit and I'll follow the self treatment plan in that as well as get counseling. I think counseling may help with fixing my brain's conditional response to sex as well as some pent up issues from my past that affect me sexually. The only thing I'm wondering is if I should go see my gynecologist before I buy the treatment kit. Not that she would tell me anything different but just to see if she can write me some sort of recommendation for the kit so that maybe my insurance will cover it.
I just hope it works. I really really need it to work.