wow
My insides are all jumbled right now. I'm so happy and stressed it gives me a tummy ache.
Chris and I just got all his stuff moved into our new apartment yesterday. I'm so tired, I'm freaking out about finals, and then there is my wonderful boyfriend. What did I do to deserve such a caring and loving guy? (Nothing is the logical answer and I don't like that)
I feel blissful, sentimental and a tiny bit cynical today. My boyfriend and I ate our first meal in our apartment on the floor yesterday (I made pizza). That was so special to me it helped me forget about my chaotic life.
Really, this man is amazing... I wonder where he came from? Why wasn't he already taken? And why am I still so streesed with this swell guy in my life? I ask myself these questions everyday trying to figure out how life could be full of so much happiness and chaos at the same time.
I wonder and worry about what the future holds. Some say Chris and I met because destiny brought us together... I hope they're right (this is the dreamer inside me). I can't explain why I'm so happy. I constantly battle with the stress stirring beneath the happiness and know I must keep my anxiety in check or I'll go insane.
I want to be strong and uncrackable but these past couple weeks have made me realize I'm only human. One person can't take on the burdens of many. Curing my anxiety means fixing others around me. I've always been able to pull others out of a funk. My boyfriend seems to be different.
He was so unhappy until we moved, but I'm worried he won't stay happy until he finds his ideal job, something not likely to happen in bum-fuck Wisconsin (AKA Marshfield).
I just want him to be content and happy. I know he's struggling because he feels he's lost his sense of purpose. I just wish he knew how wonderful I think he is. I want him to be optimistic with me and share in my joys.
*sigh*
Christmas is around the corner and I'm afraid I won't have the money to buy gifts.Holidays seem to be filled with joy only if you have the money to buy it.
Giving to others is the most rewarding thing for me and this year my life is dictated by my income, not my generosity. It makes me sad that I don't have the means to buy (or get supplies to make) christmas presents this year.
Hopefully things will get better soon... I just have to keep being optimistic and hope for the best. Damn, life sucks.
Chris and I just got all his stuff moved into our new apartment yesterday. I'm so tired, I'm freaking out about finals, and then there is my wonderful boyfriend. What did I do to deserve such a caring and loving guy? (Nothing is the logical answer and I don't like that)
I feel blissful, sentimental and a tiny bit cynical today. My boyfriend and I ate our first meal in our apartment on the floor yesterday (I made pizza). That was so special to me it helped me forget about my chaotic life.
Really, this man is amazing... I wonder where he came from? Why wasn't he already taken? And why am I still so streesed with this swell guy in my life? I ask myself these questions everyday trying to figure out how life could be full of so much happiness and chaos at the same time.
I wonder and worry about what the future holds. Some say Chris and I met because destiny brought us together... I hope they're right (this is the dreamer inside me). I can't explain why I'm so happy. I constantly battle with the stress stirring beneath the happiness and know I must keep my anxiety in check or I'll go insane.
I want to be strong and uncrackable but these past couple weeks have made me realize I'm only human. One person can't take on the burdens of many. Curing my anxiety means fixing others around me. I've always been able to pull others out of a funk. My boyfriend seems to be different.
He was so unhappy until we moved, but I'm worried he won't stay happy until he finds his ideal job, something not likely to happen in bum-fuck Wisconsin (AKA Marshfield).
I just want him to be content and happy. I know he's struggling because he feels he's lost his sense of purpose. I just wish he knew how wonderful I think he is. I want him to be optimistic with me and share in my joys.
*sigh*
Christmas is around the corner and I'm afraid I won't have the money to buy gifts.Holidays seem to be filled with joy only if you have the money to buy it.
Giving to others is the most rewarding thing for me and this year my life is dictated by my income, not my generosity. It makes me sad that I don't have the means to buy (or get supplies to make) christmas presents this year.
Hopefully things will get better soon... I just have to keep being optimistic and hope for the best. Damn, life sucks.