Maybe I just should block off my kitchen for the sake of humanity.
Heh, you know, after the water boiling incident I should have left well enough alone.
How Not to Make Cookies
-Develop crazy unstoppable urge to bake cookies.
-Briefly look for recipe that matches cookie-possible contents of kitchen. Decide "Heck with it. I have a vague familiarity with the basic concepts of cookie-making, I'll IMPROVISE!" *cue ominous rumble of thunder*
-Don't have regular margarine, have spreadable. Don't have brown sugar, have white. Shrug and blend together 'about so much-ish'.
-Add vanilla. Meh. Add more vanilla. What the hell.
-Discover a nigh-complete lack of flour. Ponder for half a second before pointing to the sky and saying once again: "I'll IMPROVISE!!" *cue more thunder and maybe a teeny bit of evil laughter*
-Take pancake mix. Yes pancake mix. Add lots. Smoosh together with sugar and margarine. Too goopy. Add more pancake mix. And more pancake mix. Now too dry. Add water until substance approximates cookie dough consistency.
-Set oven for "Hot enough, but not hot enough to set off the smoke alarm. Maybe."
-Marvel at the actual-cookie-dough-like behavior of the mixture. Drop spoonfuls of dough on, um. 12" pizza pan covered in tinfoil. What?
-Make cookie globs small so the resulting cookies will be a smaller, reasonable size and also so there'll be enough to inflict on take in to work for everyone.
-Stick 16 small faux cookies into oven and set a timer for "I dunno, about that long-ish."
-Buzzer goes off, take results out of oven.
-Go, "Oh."
For lo, I have created...
GIANT AMOEBA COOKIE!!
*lightning flash and evil cackling*
OBSERVE AS GIANT AMOEBA COOKIE ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE (OR PERHAPS ENGULF) THE 12" WIDE PAN! FEAR THE GIANT AMOEBA COOKIE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So... yeah. Also in the process of making this I may have had a wee bit too much sugar. *koff* Anyway. I'mma wait 'til the amoeba cookie cools, hope it's structurally non-goopy, bust it up and feed it to people at work tomorrow. Bwahaha!
How Not to Make Cookies
-Develop crazy unstoppable urge to bake cookies.
-Briefly look for recipe that matches cookie-possible contents of kitchen. Decide "Heck with it. I have a vague familiarity with the basic concepts of cookie-making, I'll IMPROVISE!" *cue ominous rumble of thunder*
-Don't have regular margarine, have spreadable. Don't have brown sugar, have white. Shrug and blend together 'about so much-ish'.
-Add vanilla. Meh. Add more vanilla. What the hell.
-Discover a nigh-complete lack of flour. Ponder for half a second before pointing to the sky and saying once again: "I'll IMPROVISE!!" *cue more thunder and maybe a teeny bit of evil laughter*
-Take pancake mix. Yes pancake mix. Add lots. Smoosh together with sugar and margarine. Too goopy. Add more pancake mix. And more pancake mix. Now too dry. Add water until substance approximates cookie dough consistency.
-Set oven for "Hot enough, but not hot enough to set off the smoke alarm. Maybe."
-Marvel at the actual-cookie-dough-like behavior of the mixture. Drop spoonfuls of dough on, um. 12" pizza pan covered in tinfoil. What?
-Make cookie globs small so the resulting cookies will be a smaller, reasonable size and also so there'll be enough to inflict on take in to work for everyone.
-Stick 16 small faux cookies into oven and set a timer for "I dunno, about that long-ish."
-Buzzer goes off, take results out of oven.
-Go, "Oh."
For lo, I have created...
GIANT AMOEBA COOKIE!!
*lightning flash and evil cackling*
OBSERVE AS GIANT AMOEBA COOKIE ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE (OR PERHAPS ENGULF) THE 12" WIDE PAN! FEAR THE GIANT AMOEBA COOKIE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So... yeah. Also in the process of making this I may have had a wee bit too much sugar. *koff* Anyway. I'mma wait 'til the amoeba cookie cools, hope it's structurally non-goopy, bust it up and feed it to people at work tomorrow. Bwahaha!