Remembering Love (1/1)
Onew/key, fluff (angst later on), ♫ ► frankie j - what if
Kibum remembers the way Jinki would stare at him in class.
When it's math and Kibum has nothing better to do than doodling hearts and stars and flowers and funny faces on his notebook and then he decides to look up for a second moment and then he sees Jinki staring at him from across the room, and they would hold the stare for a few seconds or so until Jinki looks to the front, and Kibum.
He would always end up drawing more hearts along the corners of his notebook.
Jinki remembers the way Kibum would stare back at him in class.
When it's math and all that's in Jinki's mind and eyes are Kibum and how he looks so perfectly flawless like a god, and his eyes are concentrated on whatever he's doing and he just stares like there's no tomorrow, that he doesn't even know that he does until Kibum looks up so suddenly and he does nothing to hide his stare because Kibum stares back at him, but he would always break the eye contact and look at the board instead, and he's sure that Kibum always goes back to whatever he's doing before and Jinki.
He would always end up staring a bit more after that.
Kibum remembers the moment when Jinki was paired up with him in Science class.
When they are both called by the teacher, their names highlighted together and that is when they are announced as partners for a three week due project and they're just awkward with each other even though they've spent many months before staring at each other. Kibum says hi first, he remembers the way Jinki smoothly replies with a hello back and then directly goes to discussing about the project and what they should do.
He would always scold himself for staring more at Jinki's side profile than actually listening to what he has to say.
Jinki remembers the moment when Kibum was paired up with him in Science class.
When he's just waiting for the moment he's going to be called and then the teacher conveniently calls Kibum's name with his and they're back at staring at each other until Kibum decides to smile and say a greeting, Jinki pats himself at the back for not stuttering and for being successful of playing a cool facade. They settle in Kibum's spacious desk, and Jinki piles up his notebooks atop of one another and in the end, decides to talk about the project, due in three weeks.
He would always scold himself for not staring back when something good could've happen than just him getting a good grade.
Kibum remembers the first time Jinki went to his house to start the project early.
When he is the first thing he sees the moment he wakes up in the morning, because the house is empty and the doorbell's ringing and he's stumbling down the stairs in his valentine's pajamas and Jinki's suddenly just outside the door, looking immaculate in a polo shirt and plain jeans. He opens the door before he even realizes that he hasn't brushed his teeth yet and he probably smells, so he spends thirty minutes preparing and almost at the brink of crying because of his stupidity.
He would always see Jinki outside his door from then on, and not that he hated it.
Jinki remembers the first time he went to Kibum's house for their project, two and a half week early.
When he's just so nervous inside, nervous of what Kibum would think but there goes his finger suddenly ringing the doorbell longer than he's intended to and so, he just stands there outside, tapping his shoes and his fingers are unconsciously playing with the sleeves of his polo, and then the door swings open and he has the sudden urge to coo, but he does not, because there is Kibum in front of him dressed in pajamas full of red hearts and Kibum looks at him with alarmed eyes but invites him inside, then he stumbles back up the stairs, Jinki assumes that Kibum is aware that it is already 10 in the morning and is going to freshen up.
He would always use the project to go to Kibum's house, and he feels a little guilty when Kibum spends so many of their time together concentrated, because he already has the rest of the project finished and he really just wants to be with Kibum, he decides later on.
Kibum remembers the time he bumped with Jinki in a busy hallway.
And Jinki's notebooks are scattered all over the floor and he doesn't hesitate to pick them up for Jinki. He says sorry a thousand times, all the while as there's a sea of students passing by them and it's so loud but Jinki stays at where he is until everything is cleared, and the bell rings before they even notice. Kibum frowns, he can just hear his music teacher marking him late - or absent, but then he remembers Jinki and he's probably more in trouble but he ends up asking him if he wants to go out, wants to eat something.
He would always find himself asking Jinki when he wanted to eat out after that, because Jinki knows a lot of things and one of those things he's good at is finding good food.
Jinki remembers the time Kibum bumped with him in the hallway.
He's hopeless because his notebooks go flying out of his hands and they're scattered all over the floor and some people even step on them but he sees Kibum scrambling, picking, plucking his notebooks from under feet and even dusts the dirt off, even if it means his hands are dirtied. Kibum is saying something to him, but the crowd is loud and they help in nothing but making Kibum's words inaudible. He decides that he would wait, that it's okay because his next class is English and he's already aced that anyway, then Kibum is just about to say something, he looks actually glad that Jinki is still there, but the bell rings, just like Jinki has predicted, and he sees Kibum frowning, but it's okay because he thinks that Kibum has already accepted the fact that he would be late because before both of them knew it, Kibum's already asking him out for food, or something. He agrees.
He would always find his arm in between Kibum's hand, tugging on him while he pouts, hungry for food and Jinki just laughs as Kibum dubs him as the food guru.
They remember the time when Kibum messes up on the paint for their project, and Jinki does nothing to help.
They're in the second week into the project and they're painting the surfaces of their little project when Kibum's eye is itching and he forgets that he's holding a thick paint brush in the hand he's bringing up to his eye and then the brush drips paint all over his lap and even brushes green on his nose and he's surprised. He hears Jinki's loud laughs from beside him, a blue painting brush in hand, and pointing at his nose. He pouts, asking for tissue, and he momentarily thinks, his heart momentarily stopping, because Jinki is leaning to him and then he feels it. Wet paint smears across his cheek and there's more of Jinki laughing like a maniac and he grins, forgetting his little heart attack and yells in a warcry, flinging his paint brush across Jinki's face and there's a green line on his chin and dripping down to his neck. They are laughing, stomachs hurting, they're on top of each other, fighting for dominance as the brushes tickle their skins and paint making their skins uncomfortably heavy, but they don't mind until later on when Kibum's parents are home and his mom almost faints at the sight.
They would always find the soiled clothes in their closet, but they never think of throwing it away.
They remember the time Jinki almost beats up every person in the room because Kibum is hurting.
Jinki thinks back to the times when Kibum got his first boyfriend, he looked so happy back then but Kibum is here with him right now and he's crying, he's crying. Jinki had been happy for him, even celebrating with Kibum that night but he regrets it now, regrets not taking enough care of Kibum because he let the other guy get to him, and now that Kibum's eyes are red, nose is sniffing and hands frantically erasing all evidences of tears but still failing, he just wants to beat himself up, for being a bad friend, and wants to beat his ex-boyfriend to a bloody pulp, for hurting Kibum. Kibum stops him, though. He holds Jinki's arm with a firm grip, and lays his head down on his shoulder, shaking his head because he knows just what Jinki is thinking and Jinki lets them stay that way until the sun is down.
They would always spend the rest of their evenings in that rusty playground at the back of their school, with Kibum's head resting on Jinki's shoulders and with Jinki's arms wrapped protectively around Kibum's waist.
They remember the time Kibum says I love you to Jinki.
Jinki hates it, though. Because he's in love with Kibum, and he's sure that Kibum means what he said, but not in the same way he wants in to mean. Because it is their 'best friends' anniversary date, and Kibum gives him a blue and green colored cube keychain, something to remind him of how and why they became friends in the first place and Jinki takes it tenderly with his hand, keeping it safe in a box hidden at the very back of his closet.
They would always exchange the feelings, and Kibum would always be the first one to say it, when they're together eating ice cream and watching movies, and Jinki would always be the last one to say it, when he's all alone and he's crying himself to sleep.
They remember a lot of things.
Like Kibum and Jinki being accepted in colleges.
Like Kibum going for an art school, while Jinki goes to a music school.
Like Kibum visiting Jinki's dorm once in a while.
Like Jinki pushing Kibum away.
Like using exams and projects due tomorrow or on Friday as an excuse.
Like Jinki spending a lot of sleepless nights thinking back to their friendship.
Like Kibum having a lot of drafts in his phone, all directed to Lee Jinki.
Like each other, Jinki and Kibum drifting off from one another.
Like being together and breaking each other's hearts.
And they remember more of these one day, when they see each other in a coffee shop downtown.
Kibum remembers the way Jinki stared at him from across the coffee shop.
Kibum sits down with his iced mocha latte in hand, and the straw's still hanging from his mouth and he has a bunch of his magazine cutouts spread out on the table and he just so happens to look up and Jinki is there, all across the shop and it feels suddenly so stuffy and hot, the only cold thing is the drink in his hands. And they hold the stare for a few five seconds, because Kibum looks down at his cutouts, a project due in three weeks but it's individual and his shaking fingers are all over the place. When he looks up once again, Jinki is no where to be found and there are tears welling up at the corner of his eyes, but he doesn't cry.
He would always end up staring at the shop from then on, half expecting for Jinki to be there, half expecting him not to.
Jinki remembers the way Kibum looked from across the coffee shop.
He thinks that he still looks like a god, even after almost five years, because Kibum is just perfectly flawless like that. And everything from the past just comes crashing down on him, how he had spent most of his days wondering what it would be like being Kibum's boyfriend instead of his best friend, wondering if Kibum had ever thought of these, too. And then Kibum looks up just in time and catches Jinki unconscious again, holding the stare for a mere five seconds until he's already looking down at whatever he has on his table. Jinki mirthlessly laughs at how life works, then slips away from his booth, not finishing the cup of drink he has, it's already melted anyway, and then walks away from the glass doors of the shop.
He would always end up asking himself, what if, because he half knows that Kibum is unconsciously waiting for him, also unconsciously asking for more than what Jinki could give.
✈ 2139 words
A/N: Almost deleted all of these when I passed the 1000th word mark, because. Ugh. I wrote this on a whim because I decided that I needed to write something for me to be productive (and also, because I don't want to drown in my no-writing black hole again), also. This fic is dedicated to dubuholic because I promised her something, even if it's angst, lol plus bb, I missed you ok!
Please excuse any spelling/grammar errs. Thank you