angry girl

[caffeinemusic]

I have a lot of pent up anger that I just don't know what to do with. I'm really afraid that some day it will all come out in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are so many things I have wanted (and in some cases still want) to say to people that I just keep inside. I have years of this stuff tucked away in the corners of my brain, and every once in a while someone will say the wrong thing or the wrong thing will happen and little pieces of it come out. Frankly, it scares me and feels good at the same time. It feels good to be openly angry, but I always feel bad right away and pull everything back in, where it stays for a good long while. I just feel horrible hurting people's feelings, especially when they're not even the person I'm angry with. The people and things I am angry with, however, may never know it. I don't even talk to or see some of the people anymore, but some of the anger is still there. If I were to see some of them, I don't even want to think about what would happen if the anger came out. I know it would sound like hatred, which is not what I feel--just plain old anger.

Ani Difranco says, "I am not an angry girl, but it seems like I've got everyone fooled." I think it's exactly the opposite with me.