(no subject)
What a shitty weekend. I am being plagued by some sort of horrible stomach bug, (which I know is a bug only because Karl tells me he's having the same symptoms) I am getting excruciating sudden cramps every half-an hour or so, which then disappear. It feels like my abdomen is trying to implode. I guess it's not so bad. At least it's not constant pain. If this is anything like what women go through when it comes to PMS time, I'm once again glad to have a penis.
Last night I picked up Kobuch from the airport and then we were going to go to Cafe Aeon with Mary, but then Mary's pseudo-intellectual-love-interest friend (whom she met on MySpace four or five days ago) called her and she decided she wanted to watch a movie here instead. When I got annoyed with it, she decided she was going to come along and bring him, too. Kobuch rode with me and Mary rode with him. I pulled off the road first and was pretty far ahead and the guy started gunning down 31 like a maniac. I was already doing ten over the speed limit and he whizzed by me to come to a stop at the traffic light, and then blasted off, squealing his tires, to get in front of me before the lane merge on 31, after 176.
I decided I didn't feel like going to coffee with the Fast and the Furious, so I took Kobuch to Pistakee Highlands and drove home.
Mary doesn't seem to understand why I wouldn't want to come to meet the guy after that. In fact, she doesn't understand a lot about me. Why the hell should I want to be friends with some guy who she likes in a romantic way at all?
At this point I'm getting into a very cloudy domain. Well here's the story. I love Mary very much. It didn't work out between us. I had the longest relationship of my life with her. She got unceremoniously ousted from her parents' house and I took her in, against all my better judgement, because she had no where else to go. Am I completely over her? No. I am extremely jealous.
And you know what? I feel, since I am spending an extra four hundred dollars a month for her to live here until she gets a job and can pay it herself, risking the wrath of my landlords by disobeying them (she's not really allowed to be here until July), and generally going against the advice of my better half, that she could at least have the courtesy to respect my feelings and not bring the guys she's interested in over to my house. Just because our relationship didn't work out and I don't want to be with her anymore doesn't mean I want to see her running around with all her prospective sexual partners.
She doesn't understand this at all. She tells me it's crazy and unhealthy, and that everybody else thinks so. Well who is this "everybody else"? You know what's unhealthy? Letting your ex-girlfriend move into your house, along with all her emotional baggage, when you haven't even had the time away from her to be able to think of her as a friend. Everything else is a healthy response to these unhealthy circumstances. She tells me to just, "Let go." Apparently her romantic feelings for me disappeared into a cocoon, where they emerged a couple weeks later into a beautiful friendship butterfly! Well my feelings aren't so malleable. They are strong, dirty, and gritty, like a weathered iron grate, and as much as I wish they would go away so I could live here with her and we could all be living happily ever after, it's not going to happen. A healthy person needs time away from someone to adjust to that sort of thing. The generally acknowledged minimum is around six months.
Longest I've gone without seeing Mary in person since October 2002: Probably about 2 days.
Yes, I have a girlfriend. Jen is awesome. She knows the situation. We've talked about it. I am so glad she's mature and swell enough to let me be honest about these things with her
Anyway, I have a lot of nonsense to sort out. Good times.
At this point, anybody who thinks I'm crazy or being a jerk about this nonsense can go sit naked and covered in honey on a Venezuelan termite hive. I'm perfectly entitled to express my retarded feelings. I'm not going to shove them down and try to deal with the pain internally because I want everything to be more comfortable for everyone else. Fuck that.
Oh yeah. Took some awesome new photos yesterday: lunarfire.deviantart.com
Last night I picked up Kobuch from the airport and then we were going to go to Cafe Aeon with Mary, but then Mary's pseudo-intellectual-love-interest friend (whom she met on MySpace four or five days ago) called her and she decided she wanted to watch a movie here instead. When I got annoyed with it, she decided she was going to come along and bring him, too. Kobuch rode with me and Mary rode with him. I pulled off the road first and was pretty far ahead and the guy started gunning down 31 like a maniac. I was already doing ten over the speed limit and he whizzed by me to come to a stop at the traffic light, and then blasted off, squealing his tires, to get in front of me before the lane merge on 31, after 176.
I decided I didn't feel like going to coffee with the Fast and the Furious, so I took Kobuch to Pistakee Highlands and drove home.
Mary doesn't seem to understand why I wouldn't want to come to meet the guy after that. In fact, she doesn't understand a lot about me. Why the hell should I want to be friends with some guy who she likes in a romantic way at all?
At this point I'm getting into a very cloudy domain. Well here's the story. I love Mary very much. It didn't work out between us. I had the longest relationship of my life with her. She got unceremoniously ousted from her parents' house and I took her in, against all my better judgement, because she had no where else to go. Am I completely over her? No. I am extremely jealous.
And you know what? I feel, since I am spending an extra four hundred dollars a month for her to live here until she gets a job and can pay it herself, risking the wrath of my landlords by disobeying them (she's not really allowed to be here until July), and generally going against the advice of my better half, that she could at least have the courtesy to respect my feelings and not bring the guys she's interested in over to my house. Just because our relationship didn't work out and I don't want to be with her anymore doesn't mean I want to see her running around with all her prospective sexual partners.
She doesn't understand this at all. She tells me it's crazy and unhealthy, and that everybody else thinks so. Well who is this "everybody else"? You know what's unhealthy? Letting your ex-girlfriend move into your house, along with all her emotional baggage, when you haven't even had the time away from her to be able to think of her as a friend. Everything else is a healthy response to these unhealthy circumstances. She tells me to just, "Let go." Apparently her romantic feelings for me disappeared into a cocoon, where they emerged a couple weeks later into a beautiful friendship butterfly! Well my feelings aren't so malleable. They are strong, dirty, and gritty, like a weathered iron grate, and as much as I wish they would go away so I could live here with her and we could all be living happily ever after, it's not going to happen. A healthy person needs time away from someone to adjust to that sort of thing. The generally acknowledged minimum is around six months.
Longest I've gone without seeing Mary in person since October 2002: Probably about 2 days.
Yes, I have a girlfriend. Jen is awesome. She knows the situation. We've talked about it. I am so glad she's mature and swell enough to let me be honest about these things with her
Anyway, I have a lot of nonsense to sort out. Good times.
At this point, anybody who thinks I'm crazy or being a jerk about this nonsense can go sit naked and covered in honey on a Venezuelan termite hive. I'm perfectly entitled to express my retarded feelings. I'm not going to shove them down and try to deal with the pain internally because I want everything to be more comfortable for everyone else. Fuck that.
Oh yeah. Took some awesome new photos yesterday: lunarfire.deviantart.com