Moar words
You'll probably decide that I got hit by the Crack stick, and maybe you're right. But I have an excuse for this little ficlet. Before reading (because you'll understand better if you do), please watch this.
Boy musta been dropped on his head as a child.
:: Michael Phelps/Ryan Lochte, US Mens Swimming, PG13 for naughty words. Unbeta'ed.
DISCLAIMER: Unless you're an idiot you should know this, but I'm just gonna say it anyway: THE PHONE NUMBERS IN THIS PIECE ARE MAKE-BELIEVE. THEY HAVE MD AND FL AREA CODES BUT IF YOU CALL THEM YOU WILL NOT REACH MICHAEL PHELPS OR RYAN LOCHTE. Thank you. Carry on.
08.22.2008 (9:03 AM)
"The World According to Ryan Lochte"
TEXT MESSAGE LOG 8/26/2008:
6:47 am 941-669-8911
[mikephelps-u just bcame mr olympian mr awesome mr americas swetheart-what r u going 2 do now?]
7:00 am 443-520-7332
[sleep]
7:01 am 941-669-8911
[ur supposed 2 say DISNEY WORLD]
7:05 am 443-520-7332
[sleep]
7:06 am 941-669-8911
[DISNEY WORLD]
7:06 am 941-669-8911
[DISNEY WORLD]
7:07 am 941-669-8911
[DISNEY WORLD]
7:07 am 443-520-7332
[ILL GO TO DISNEY WORLD WITH YOU]
7:08 am
[awesome]
[[[]]]
9:35 am 941-669-8911
[i was watchin this show & they raced down hills in shoping carts. i wanna do that.]
9:42 am 443-520-7332
[don’t. because now Ill be an accomplice.]
9:44 am 941-669-8911
[they cant arrest u 4 that]
9:49 am 443-520-7332
[its called acessory to murder. lookit up.]
10:25 am 941-669-8911
[damnit]
[[[]]]
11:02 pm 443-520-7332
[don't let anyone compare me to Tiger anymore.]
11:08 pm 941-669-8911
[ur grrreeeaaaat!]
11:15 pm 443-520-7332
[Tiger Woods.]
11:17 pm 941-669-8911
[ud taste better coated in sugar]
11:19 pm 443-520-7332
[would it help my golf game?]
11:20 pm 941-669-8911
[golfs 4 pussies]
11:38 pm 443-520-7332
[so says Mr Artiste.]
12:59 pm 941-669-8911
[this is me being angry]
1:02 pm 443-520-7332
[this is you being a bitch. dont hold your breath for an apology.]
1:06 pm 941-669-8911
[a bj will b fine]
1:10pm 443-520-7332
[you wish.]
1:11 pm 941-669-8911
[i do. i <3 holding on2 ur ears ]
1:36 pm 443-520-7332
[there is absolutely nothing i can say to that.]
1:38 pm 941-669-8911
[ry 1, mike 0]
[[[]]]
1:55 pm 941-669-8911
[i just totally wiped out tryin 2 ollie and almost broke my hand. hurts 2 txt like a mf]
1:59 pm 443-520-7332
[then why are you txting?]
2:03 pm 941-669-8911
[fucking think 4 urselfer]
[[[]]]
4:21 pm 941-669-8911
[befafoo]
4:23 pm 443-520-7332
[wtf?]
4:25 pm 941-669-8911
[that was the dog he misses u]
[[[]]]
5:56 pm 443-520-7332
[hows the hand?]
5:59 pm 941-669-8911
[ill survive probably]
6:03 pm 443-520-7332
[well thats good. left or right?]
6:06 pm 941-669-8911
[right.]
6:07 pm 443-520-7332
[god, how would you have wacked off?]
6:08 pm 941-669-8911
[i have my ways have faith true believer]
6:10 pm 443-520-7332
[are you flexible enough to suck yourself off?]
6:15 pm 941-669-8911
[r u?]
6:18 pm 443-520-7332
[no. thats why i keep you around.]
6:19 pm 941-669-8911
[har har]
6:20 pm 443-520-7332
[mike 1, ry 1]
[[[]]]
6:49 pm 941-669-8911
[ur on tv]
6:53 pm 443-520-7332
[okay.]
6:50 pm 941-669-8911
[i didnt know bob looked so apoplectic at the end of the 1x fly]
6:52 pm 443-520-7332
[50 cent word.]
6:53 pm 941-669-8911
[its my word of the day]
6:56 pm 443-520-7332
[what was yesterdays?]
6:59 pm 941-669-8911
[beefcake]
7:09 pm 941-669-8911
[Mike? u fall in?]
7:17 pm 941-669-8911
[my nan got a kick out of it, neway]
[[[]]]
7:29 pm 941-669-8911
[im gonna put ur face on a shirt and sell it and make a million $]
7:34 pm 443-520-7332
[ill sue you for infringement.]
7:36 pm 941-669-8911
[dude i would totally not put fringe on them ew]
7:37 pm 443-520-7332
[mike 2, ry 1]
[[[]]]
8:41 pm 941-669-8911
[so i was thinking]
8:45 pm 443-520-7332
[don’t hurt yourself.]
8:46 pm 941-669-8911
[ur really funny]
8:46 pm 443-520-7332
[i try]
8:46 pm 941-669-8911
[so i was thinking that if they offer u a movie deal doing aquaman u need 2 do it]
9:00 pm 443-520-7332
[youre serious]
9:02 pm 941-669-8911
[id do it]
9:05 pm 443-520-7332
[which is probably a good arguement against anyone else doing it.]
9:07 pm 941-669-8911
[its aquaman!]
9:08 pm 443-520-7332
[hes got a golden hook]
9:08 pm 941-669-8911
[and how isnt that awesome?]
9:10 pm 443-520-7332
[you want the whole list?]
9:11 pm 941-669-8911
[ur getting an eyepatch for christmas. ill bling it up for u.]
[[[]]]
11:37 pm 941-669-8911
[im gonna call u]
11:41 pm 443-520-7332
[im not gonna pick up for phone sex.]
11:42 pm 941-669-8911
[its scary that u knew what i was thinkin. how very miss cleo of u]
11:53 pm 443-520-7332
[how very ron jeremy of you.]
11:55 pm 941-669-8911
[if i was there u wouldnt turn me down]
11:59 pm 443-520-7332
[probably true]
12:05 am 941-669-8911
[pick up]
12:07 am 941-669-8911
[pick up]
12:09 pm 941-669-8911
[pick up]
12:11 pm 941-669-8911
[i want 2 lick u]
12:12 pm 443-520-7332
[ryan.]
12:13 am 941-669-8911
[i want 2 take my time taste u nuzzle ur ears]
12:15 am 443-520-7332
[seriously.]
12:16 am 941-669-8911
[i want 2 wrap my tongue around ur big cock]
12:17 am 941-669-8911
[suck u down]
12:17 am 443-520-7332
[call me]
12:18 am 941-669-8911
[score. ry 2, mike 2]
Boy musta been dropped on his head as a child.
:: Michael Phelps/Ryan Lochte, US Mens Swimming, PG13 for naughty words. Unbeta'ed.
DISCLAIMER: Unless you're an idiot you should know this, but I'm just gonna say it anyway: THE PHONE NUMBERS IN THIS PIECE ARE MAKE-BELIEVE. THEY HAVE MD AND FL AREA CODES BUT IF YOU CALL THEM YOU WILL NOT REACH MICHAEL PHELPS OR RYAN LOCHTE. Thank you. Carry on.
08.22.2008 (9:03 AM)
"The World According to Ryan Lochte"
TEXT MESSAGE LOG 8/26/2008:
6:47 am 941-669-8911
[mikephelps-u just bcame mr olympian mr awesome mr americas swetheart-what r u going 2 do now?]
7:00 am 443-520-7332
[sleep]
7:01 am 941-669-8911
[ur supposed 2 say DISNEY WORLD]
7:05 am 443-520-7332
[sleep]
7:06 am 941-669-8911
[DISNEY WORLD]
7:06 am 941-669-8911
[DISNEY WORLD]
7:07 am 941-669-8911
[DISNEY WORLD]
7:07 am 443-520-7332
[ILL GO TO DISNEY WORLD WITH YOU]
7:08 am
[awesome]
[[[]]]
9:35 am 941-669-8911
[i was watchin this show & they raced down hills in shoping carts. i wanna do that.]
9:42 am 443-520-7332
[don’t. because now Ill be an accomplice.]
9:44 am 941-669-8911
[they cant arrest u 4 that]
9:49 am 443-520-7332
[its called acessory to murder. lookit up.]
10:25 am 941-669-8911
[damnit]
[[[]]]
11:02 pm 443-520-7332
[don't let anyone compare me to Tiger anymore.]
11:08 pm 941-669-8911
[ur grrreeeaaaat!]
11:15 pm 443-520-7332
[Tiger Woods.]
11:17 pm 941-669-8911
[ud taste better coated in sugar]
11:19 pm 443-520-7332
[would it help my golf game?]
11:20 pm 941-669-8911
[golfs 4 pussies]
11:38 pm 443-520-7332
[so says Mr Artiste.]
12:59 pm 941-669-8911
[this is me being angry]
1:02 pm 443-520-7332
[this is you being a bitch. dont hold your breath for an apology.]
1:06 pm 941-669-8911
[a bj will b fine]
1:10pm 443-520-7332
[you wish.]
1:11 pm 941-669-8911
[i do. i <3 holding on2 ur ears ]
1:36 pm 443-520-7332
[there is absolutely nothing i can say to that.]
1:38 pm 941-669-8911
[ry 1, mike 0]
[[[]]]
1:55 pm 941-669-8911
[i just totally wiped out tryin 2 ollie and almost broke my hand. hurts 2 txt like a mf]
1:59 pm 443-520-7332
[then why are you txting?]
2:03 pm 941-669-8911
[fucking think 4 urselfer]
[[[]]]
4:21 pm 941-669-8911
[befafoo]
4:23 pm 443-520-7332
[wtf?]
4:25 pm 941-669-8911
[that was the dog he misses u]
[[[]]]
5:56 pm 443-520-7332
[hows the hand?]
5:59 pm 941-669-8911
[ill survive probably]
6:03 pm 443-520-7332
[well thats good. left or right?]
6:06 pm 941-669-8911
[right.]
6:07 pm 443-520-7332
[god, how would you have wacked off?]
6:08 pm 941-669-8911
[i have my ways have faith true believer]
6:10 pm 443-520-7332
[are you flexible enough to suck yourself off?]
6:15 pm 941-669-8911
[r u?]
6:18 pm 443-520-7332
[no. thats why i keep you around.]
6:19 pm 941-669-8911
[har har]
6:20 pm 443-520-7332
[mike 1, ry 1]
[[[]]]
6:49 pm 941-669-8911
[ur on tv]
6:53 pm 443-520-7332
[okay.]
6:50 pm 941-669-8911
[i didnt know bob looked so apoplectic at the end of the 1x fly]
6:52 pm 443-520-7332
[50 cent word.]
6:53 pm 941-669-8911
[its my word of the day]
6:56 pm 443-520-7332
[what was yesterdays?]
6:59 pm 941-669-8911
[beefcake]
7:09 pm 941-669-8911
[Mike? u fall in?]
7:17 pm 941-669-8911
[my nan got a kick out of it, neway]
[[[]]]
7:29 pm 941-669-8911
[im gonna put ur face on a shirt and sell it and make a million $]
7:34 pm 443-520-7332
[ill sue you for infringement.]
7:36 pm 941-669-8911
[dude i would totally not put fringe on them ew]
7:37 pm 443-520-7332
[mike 2, ry 1]
[[[]]]
8:41 pm 941-669-8911
[so i was thinking]
8:45 pm 443-520-7332
[don’t hurt yourself.]
8:46 pm 941-669-8911
[ur really funny]
8:46 pm 443-520-7332
[i try]
8:46 pm 941-669-8911
[so i was thinking that if they offer u a movie deal doing aquaman u need 2 do it]
9:00 pm 443-520-7332
[youre serious]
9:02 pm 941-669-8911
[id do it]
9:05 pm 443-520-7332
[which is probably a good arguement against anyone else doing it.]
9:07 pm 941-669-8911
[its aquaman!]
9:08 pm 443-520-7332
[hes got a golden hook]
9:08 pm 941-669-8911
[and how isnt that awesome?]
9:10 pm 443-520-7332
[you want the whole list?]
9:11 pm 941-669-8911
[ur getting an eyepatch for christmas. ill bling it up for u.]
[[[]]]
11:37 pm 941-669-8911
[im gonna call u]
11:41 pm 443-520-7332
[im not gonna pick up for phone sex.]
11:42 pm 941-669-8911
[its scary that u knew what i was thinkin. how very miss cleo of u]
11:53 pm 443-520-7332
[how very ron jeremy of you.]
11:55 pm 941-669-8911
[if i was there u wouldnt turn me down]
11:59 pm 443-520-7332
[probably true]
12:05 am 941-669-8911
[pick up]
12:07 am 941-669-8911
[pick up]
12:09 pm 941-669-8911
[pick up]
12:11 pm 941-669-8911
[i want 2 lick u]
12:12 pm 443-520-7332
[ryan.]
12:13 am 941-669-8911
[i want 2 take my time taste u nuzzle ur ears]
12:15 am 443-520-7332
[seriously.]
12:16 am 941-669-8911
[i want 2 wrap my tongue around ur big cock]
12:17 am 941-669-8911
[suck u down]
12:17 am 443-520-7332
[call me]
12:18 am 941-669-8911
[score. ry 2, mike 2]