I’m out of the picture. Still waiting. Still hoping.
Другие записи: Thoughts for today. | Thursday | Роман по имени "Жизнь" | Подстава! iku×3!
I know that you are already exchanging your “I love you” with each other. I am sure of it. You already love him, don’t you? If you still love me, please come back to me. Please.
I slept at around 6 AM, and my mom was reprimanding me because I’m getting thinner because of my lack of sleep. My face doesn’t look that good anymore because the stress manifested in my face now. Well, I'm not doing anything that will keep my tired that’s why she’s blaming my lack of sleep to be the cause. She’s been catching me awake at around 4 AM almost every morning. My mom knows that I have a problem but sharing it with her will not help in any way. I know she has a lot of problems right now. I went to school and stayed with MC and Patty. They know that I’m not okay, but sharing my sad sentiments with them in a gloomy manner would not be better. That’s why I chose to present myself to be assertive as possible. I can’t show Patty everything since she knows a lot of things. I’m quite sensitive with her expressions because they might mean something. Well, the both of them don’t have any advice to me as of the moment. When I slept at around 6, you texted me at 6:30 with a short morning message. It was brief but it made my day. Yes, it did. For the past few days that I felt hopeless with the possibility of us being together, I did not get enough sleep and food intake. I was thinking about you all the time and our future. You seem not to care because you were with him. My tears seemed endless until the time that I got your text at 6:32 AM. It didn’t give me hope. It wasn’t a clue that you still love me. Neither it is a pledge of love. I wish that it did. But it didn’t. We exchanged a few text messages before you sleep. And yes, my tears were nothing. It’s as if I’m falling for you again, and again, and again. Your Goodnight man! concluded that it was a good day after all. Until now, I’m still crying. I still can’t sleep. But I will try to fix my life now. I want you to be proud of me.
I realized a while ago that what if I saw the both of you together? Both of you are cuddling, kissing, hugging, and I’m seeing a happy you. Will I allow myself to be a reason to end your happiness? I guess not.
If ever that the three of us will meet one day, I know that I’ll be the one to get dumped. I am the one who’s illegal. He’s the one whom you text everyday, exchange your thoughts, update you will all of your plans for the day. And I was the one who’s not allowed to text you when you’re with him. Informally, you two are together. Formally, we’re not together anymore. Given the chance that the three of us would meet, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t fight for me anymore. Your loyalty is now with him. Your I love you’s are now with him. And right now, I’m the one who’s not allowed to exist in your shared world.
Despite that, I still love you. I really do. I’m willing to compromise. I’m willing to forget all these for our happy tomorrows. And I’m still here, hoping, hoping for you to come back.