he will feed you tomatoes and radio wires
the colder it gets (and it seems winter has finally sighed and settled on new york city, minus the snow), the less i feel like making a substantial contribution to society in any real way. i remember the good days, when i actually looked forward to leaving my apartment so i could meet quasi-friends at mediocre, flashy bars; explore the city; try on clothes i couldn't afford; barter frustratingly for affordable bedroom furniture with sweet, non-english speaking greek women; whatever. obviously i don't miss doing all of those things, but you know, so many weeknights spent sitting on our very dashing yet very uncomfortable couch (that i'm glad i didn't pay for) kind of cease to have that once grand appeal. plus, my back starts to hurt after about twenty minutes sitting upright (and slightly bent forward) on it. anyway, the point is that i have plenty of things i could or should be doing but that i, you know, don't.
but things are good in a sort of mellow, often uneventful, nonchalant way. that sounds boring (and sometimes it is), but mostly i'm content with the way things are progressing and settling here. at the risk of sounding like a cornball, i believe that this is where i'm meant to be (if "meaning" to be somewhere is possible) in this stage of my life. i still get excited when i think about what i've done, what i'm doing, and what i will do during my time here. i powered through all the initial struggle, stress, grief, drama and manipulation (never compromise your integrity or principles for a paycheck) that come with finding that first grownup, real world job, and i'm happy where i ended up. oh, and brian is a pretty decent human being, too (and city-wise! this is so helpful and i will never get lost in new york), to say the least. i never regret moving here, i never regret dropping half my month's earnings on rent (even though i complain about it), and i never regret the choices i made to get where i am (some things i do regret: urinary tract infections, student loan payments, pelvic exams, panic attacks, eating spoiled mexican food). really? i'm in love with so much (the new, the old, the guy, the city, the unknown) and you know what? it will only get better.
how's that for lame and schmaltzy? my apologies.
but things are good in a sort of mellow, often uneventful, nonchalant way. that sounds boring (and sometimes it is), but mostly i'm content with the way things are progressing and settling here. at the risk of sounding like a cornball, i believe that this is where i'm meant to be (if "meaning" to be somewhere is possible) in this stage of my life. i still get excited when i think about what i've done, what i'm doing, and what i will do during my time here. i powered through all the initial struggle, stress, grief, drama and manipulation (never compromise your integrity or principles for a paycheck) that come with finding that first grownup, real world job, and i'm happy where i ended up. oh, and brian is a pretty decent human being, too (and city-wise! this is so helpful and i will never get lost in new york), to say the least. i never regret moving here, i never regret dropping half my month's earnings on rent (even though i complain about it), and i never regret the choices i made to get where i am (some things i do regret: urinary tract infections, student loan payments, pelvic exams, panic attacks, eating spoiled mexican food). really? i'm in love with so much (the new, the old, the guy, the city, the unknown) and you know what? it will only get better.
how's that for lame and schmaltzy? my apologies.