photos.
i avoid cameras like the plague. but every now and again i manage to get in the way of one. i just saw a picture of myself 20 pounds lighter no less. i'm sudenly very tempted to purge the baked potato i just ate. i'ts hard to believe that i ever feel ok going outside. it's hrd to believe that i ever think that i look ok. i honestly don't know why i try. i don't often because i know my efforts are wasted on this fat person. but from time to time one gets tired of life in hiding. and one feels she should put some make up on. theres no fucking point. i just want to lay in bed and cry until i'm 100 pounds smaller. looking at my neck, or the area where my neck used to be, i don't see how it can ever go back to looking like a normal neck. even if i some how manage to make things happen. i will have a gobbler. a fucking turkey neck. happy fucking holidays.