lucy tagged me. i'm it.
hmnn...lucy tagged me w/this meme, and after reading the sentence, i feel very compelled to write.
1. Go into your LJ's archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people on your friends list.
Mom got mad.
^^ lol, well, i suppose that's nothing new. that's from a post back in march of '04, talking about how everyone hated me because i never went to school. ahh junior year, the memories, the memories..
and psst, this is now a new entry, not part of the meme:
But lately, i must admit, i feel like i'm not making any worth-while (sp?) memories at all. my life is so terribly blah these past few weeks, i dont know what to do with myself. i think that to get through life happily you have to always have at least one thing keeping you going -- that one thing that you look forward to, or that you think about, that just helps you get through your day and enjoy your life. lately, i feel like i don't have anything of that sort. school is alright, but it's fairly blah. my classes this year are nothing special, they are the same old classes with the same old people, but i feel like i've changed. i guess i've really felt like this for longer than i realize, though. i feel like i want to go back to how things were, to when i was happy just living my life day to day. but when was that? i guess my life has been pretty crazy for a good while now, at least the past 4 years or so. highschool is a crazy thing, a crazy crazy thing. you're thrown from the security of middle school into the horrible chaos that is higher education. highland for me brought on all kinds of craziness...it forces you to be around people unlike yourself, and forces you to compare yourself to others.
maybe that's what all of this is about. i was much happier, once, when all i had to do was think about how MY life is going in comparison to how MY life has gone in the past. but in highschool, surrounded by people for 4 years, you start to notice the painful differences between yourself and others. now i'm not saying that i feel like an outcast, im just saying that it has made me sad in a lot of ways. right now, in fact, it's been kinda crazy. everyone in my class is preparing to graduate and head out in life, and i'm starting to realize that i've got to actually do something that makes me happy. i find myself jealous of the fact that i'm not taking the "normal" path in life, and that i'm not doing things like playing soccer w/all the preppy kids (the ones i hang out with, though only at school) or running for homecoming court or prom. sitting in class surrounded by these people, i can't help but be sad about how my life has turned out. i mean overall i have a really hard time saying i have a bad life, but i can't say i really enjoy my life either. it seems so much easier to blend into the crowd, but i know that i'll never be a part of that crowd. and i'd thought i'd come to terms with that by the end of freshman or sophomore year, around the time i quit cross-country and theatre and tried doing things on my own. for those first few years i really did try SO hard to be in with everyone that i thought was popular and cool, and in a lot of ways i succeeded, only to find out that i didn't belong at all. i went to the parties, i sat with them at lunch, i hung out with the drunk straight kids for so long, and tried to become a part of their drama, but all i got out of it was the realization that i didn't want to be like them. and yet, i find myself so sad lately that my life is different.
maybe im just sad because i have nothing going for me right now. at least, i hope that's what it is. lately i feel like i dont have as many close friends as i'd like, and the fact i'm not dating anybody doesn't help either. i feel like im struggling to find my place in life, and it's not been an easy task. i just want things to change, drastically, for SOMETHING to happen so that i'll have a better grip on life. if i cant change things on my own, why can't they change for me?
blah. and now it's awful late, and i know i should be going to sleep. tomorrow should prove an eventful day, i'll post later when i get a chance...
and p.s. i forgot that i have a sorta date tomorrow, with this guy joseph i met. he's nice, and even smart and attractive, but i dont know how i feel about it. the problem? we talked on the phone a couple times today, but during one of those occasions he starting talking about how he showed my picture to a friend of his, who started yelling at him about how i was "busted," something which he later explained meant really ugly. maybe it's just me, but i dont think its good etiquette to go on and with a guy you've just met about how your friends think he's ugly. i felt good about hanging out with him tomorrow, but now i think im going to cancel. if i'm not attractive enough for him, i'm not going to waste my time..
1. Go into your LJ's archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people on your friends list.
Mom got mad.
^^ lol, well, i suppose that's nothing new. that's from a post back in march of '04, talking about how everyone hated me because i never went to school. ahh junior year, the memories, the memories..
and psst, this is now a new entry, not part of the meme:
But lately, i must admit, i feel like i'm not making any worth-while (sp?) memories at all. my life is so terribly blah these past few weeks, i dont know what to do with myself. i think that to get through life happily you have to always have at least one thing keeping you going -- that one thing that you look forward to, or that you think about, that just helps you get through your day and enjoy your life. lately, i feel like i don't have anything of that sort. school is alright, but it's fairly blah. my classes this year are nothing special, they are the same old classes with the same old people, but i feel like i've changed. i guess i've really felt like this for longer than i realize, though. i feel like i want to go back to how things were, to when i was happy just living my life day to day. but when was that? i guess my life has been pretty crazy for a good while now, at least the past 4 years or so. highschool is a crazy thing, a crazy crazy thing. you're thrown from the security of middle school into the horrible chaos that is higher education. highland for me brought on all kinds of craziness...it forces you to be around people unlike yourself, and forces you to compare yourself to others.
maybe that's what all of this is about. i was much happier, once, when all i had to do was think about how MY life is going in comparison to how MY life has gone in the past. but in highschool, surrounded by people for 4 years, you start to notice the painful differences between yourself and others. now i'm not saying that i feel like an outcast, im just saying that it has made me sad in a lot of ways. right now, in fact, it's been kinda crazy. everyone in my class is preparing to graduate and head out in life, and i'm starting to realize that i've got to actually do something that makes me happy. i find myself jealous of the fact that i'm not taking the "normal" path in life, and that i'm not doing things like playing soccer w/all the preppy kids (the ones i hang out with, though only at school) or running for homecoming court or prom. sitting in class surrounded by these people, i can't help but be sad about how my life has turned out. i mean overall i have a really hard time saying i have a bad life, but i can't say i really enjoy my life either. it seems so much easier to blend into the crowd, but i know that i'll never be a part of that crowd. and i'd thought i'd come to terms with that by the end of freshman or sophomore year, around the time i quit cross-country and theatre and tried doing things on my own. for those first few years i really did try SO hard to be in with everyone that i thought was popular and cool, and in a lot of ways i succeeded, only to find out that i didn't belong at all. i went to the parties, i sat with them at lunch, i hung out with the drunk straight kids for so long, and tried to become a part of their drama, but all i got out of it was the realization that i didn't want to be like them. and yet, i find myself so sad lately that my life is different.
maybe im just sad because i have nothing going for me right now. at least, i hope that's what it is. lately i feel like i dont have as many close friends as i'd like, and the fact i'm not dating anybody doesn't help either. i feel like im struggling to find my place in life, and it's not been an easy task. i just want things to change, drastically, for SOMETHING to happen so that i'll have a better grip on life. if i cant change things on my own, why can't they change for me?
blah. and now it's awful late, and i know i should be going to sleep. tomorrow should prove an eventful day, i'll post later when i get a chance...
and p.s. i forgot that i have a sorta date tomorrow, with this guy joseph i met. he's nice, and even smart and attractive, but i dont know how i feel about it. the problem? we talked on the phone a couple times today, but during one of those occasions he starting talking about how he showed my picture to a friend of his, who started yelling at him about how i was "busted," something which he later explained meant really ugly. maybe it's just me, but i dont think its good etiquette to go on and with a guy you've just met about how your friends think he's ugly. i felt good about hanging out with him tomorrow, but now i think im going to cancel. if i'm not attractive enough for him, i'm not going to waste my time..