[Fiction] Kurotsuki [Reita x Ruki] - Chapter 5
Title: Kurotsuki
Chapter: 5/??
Author: cadaver_maxx
Genre: AU, Police
Warnings: (for entire story) violence, smut, drugs, alcohol, language
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Pairing(s): Reita x Ruki (main) / Aoi x Uruha/ Uruha x Aoi/ Tora x Saga / Kai x Hiroto / Kaoru x Die
Band(s): The Gazette, Alice Nine, Dir en Grey
Disclaimer: Let’s pretend I do own them. Will I be wasting time writing this thing? Seriously?
Summary: Five skilled men live and breathe danger, just to help save the purity that lives around them. Through bullets, blades, explosions, they still have to live their own separate lives and identities. But it’s their choice. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Comments: Sorry for the delay. Life threw shit at me. Comments/critique appreciated and help one stay motivated. And if it’s between [], it’s a picture.
( Kurotsuki - Prologue ) ( Chapter 1 ) ( Chapter 2 ) ( Chapter 3 ) ( Chapter 4 ) ( Chapter 4.5 )
A very tired, overworked Akira was sitting at his desk, looking at the stack of files that needed solving; he sighed as he took the first one and began looking through it.
“They keep piling up, don’t they?” his colleague asked, throwing another one on the table.
“Another one?” the blonde scowled and picked it up, motioning the redhead to sit on a chair.
“No. Some info on the gun. Belongs to Amano Shinji, apparently”
Akira felt his insides get constricted as he heard the name and saw the report. He’d have a hard time getting his friend out of this but he kept his composure. “Isn’t that the…”
“CEO of Amano INC. Toshiya and his gun fetish… See the paw there? Only one gun has it, and that was custom made for Amano.”
“Hm…”
“You think he did it?” Die asked.
“I doubt it. Why would Amano want to kill a lowlife like that?”
The feeling in his guts never left him as the wheels of his brain started turning in search for a solution. Thankfully a knock on the door ended their little conversation and Akira smiled as a honey-blonde entered his office.
“I’m sorry, Akira. Am I disturbing?” Kouyou spoke, looking at the files in the man’s hand and the redhead that just turned in his chair to look at him. “Sir.” He saluted Die.
“Kouyou. No, you’re not disturbing.” He smiled. “My partner, Die. Kouyou, a dear friend.”
“Pleased to meet you, Kouyou.” Die got up from his chair and shook both Akira and Kouyou’s hand. “I’m gonna go have lunch then we’ll see of that gun”
“I’ll be here.” Akira closed the door after Die and motioned the honey-blonde to take a seat in front of his desk. “Is there any trouble, doll? How can I help you?”
“No… Well, yes, but not of that kind” the waiter laughed and continued after he heard the low chuckle of the detective. “It’s about Takanori”
It was the third time this day when Akira felt his guts twist, except that this time, it wasn’t with worry, it was with pure sickness. “What did he do?” surely he had to do something bad. Maybe he went on a killing rampage in Shizuka, maybe he killed a baby. Maybe he-…
“He loves you” there. He said it. Then sighed, both in relief, both in anticipation of the many more explanations he would have to give and the many more questions he would have to answer.
“He what?” Akira laughed. “Please, Kouyou… I don’t think that creature is ca-“
“Could you please not insult him? I know you hate him, I know you have your reasons, but can you just hear me out?”
“Apologies, Kouyou. Please…” he motioned for him to continue.
“Takanori… he… I don’t even know where to begin.”
However, he figured that the smart detective would understand him even if he made no sense, so he began telling him the story of Takanori’s past, describing every scar, visible or not, describing every time the short blonde broke; every tear he let out and every sigh.
Akira just stood in his chair and listened, his jaw somewhere on the other side of the earth. He was shocked to find that about his team mate, even more shocked to find out the hatred the little man felt towards killing. It wasn’t hard for him to believe Kouyou - the waiter had no reason to alter the reality of Takanori’s past and he was also the man’s step brother so he was bound to know everything about him.
“The reason he wants so hard to appear normal in front of you guys, even slightly twisted, is because he’s tired of being pitied. He doesn’t want to be known just because of his past, he doesn’t want it to get in the way of his life. He wants to be happy, but he can’t… because the man he loves so dearly, you, is hating him. Not because of the man he was, but because of the mask he puts on.”
“I… didn’t know…” Akira sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry, Kouyou. To both of you.” The blonde felt like he betrayed every sense of justice by judging Takanori based on appearances only. He should’ve known better than to based his whole opinion on what he saw, without knowing the reasoning behind all. “But I can’t…”
“I’m not asking you to love him back. Just… stop hating him. Let him be your friend, not someone whose presence you’re just tolerating.”
“I can do that…”
“Thank you. A lot”
When the waiter left, Akira sunk back in his seat. He had many new pieces of information he had to process and he wasn’t in the presence of mind to do it. His tiredness wasn’t exactly helping either - he was in desperate need of a long break. Maybe he could-…
~
Takanori’s heart flinched when he took the phone out of his pocket and realized he got a message from Reita. He was expecting the usual, a meeting at Kurotsuki so he may discuss what he discovered while looking through the files. As far as he could fathom, the smart detective might have even found the girl. No… the text message called him at a random address in Tokyo at 5 PM. He looked at his watch. 2 hours to prepare and get there. Should be enough. As the stripes on his neck were visible and he turned into Ruki, he threw a glance in the mirror, checking his appearance.
“Fuck if I know why I even bother…” he sighed and grabbed his jacket in haste, going down the stairs to his car.
It wasn’t long ‘till he reached his destination - an old apartment block at the edge of town - and he was actually surprised when he saw no familiar car in the parking lot. Except for Reita’s. It was suspicious, though. Why would Reita convoke a meeting in such a place? It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford a night at Kurotsuki, the blonde had money to bathe in.
“Ruki! Over here.”
When Ruki turned he recognized the familiar half-covered face of his colleague and proceeded to walk in his direction. He was completely entranced in the way the blonde detective was leaning against a support pole with such nonchalance and the way his eyes showed-…. No emotion? Where was the hate? The disgust he felt for Ruki? How come he’s not looking at the shorter man like he wants him stabbed by five thousand swords?
“Are the others already here?” Ruki asked when he finally got next to Reita.
“No, it’s just us tonight. I need your help with something, come on”
They both made their way to Reita’s secret loft. The assassin was confused. Like a dear caught in the headlights. Dumbfounded, actually. So many questions popped in his head nd he was so busy trying to answer them that he didn’t even acknowledge the fluffy carpet in Reita’s living room. So, as he dragged his feet after him, one of them got caught under the carpet and as he tried to take one more step he found himself flying and landing on his stomach with a loud “umph!”. The tall blonde laughed while helping his shorter colleague up.
It was interesting for Reita how easy it was to tolerate Ruki now, how easy it was to look at him as a friend and not a disgusting piece of meet. He still wondered why such strong thoughts he had before simply disappeared after the conversation with Kouyou. Of course, he doubted the man’s evilness before - seeing him tend to Hiroto was a pleasant surprise. Maybe the loathing transferred to himself when he realized he had judged a man before even taking the time to know him. Yes, he felt guilty, because in the three years he had known Ruki, he never asked him a question about his past, about how he was feeling, not even a courteous “how are you?”. Reita could admit a mistake and he will apologize to Ruki.
“Sorry… I… fell.”
“Yes, I can see that. Now come on, we have a fuckload of work to do” he said while walking in the direction of a metallic door and opened it.
The short blonde had to admit the sudden change in Reita’s behaviour was frightening him. First he called him to his home… only him. Then his eyes showed no hatred and anger towards him and now he was as friendly as to actually touch him as he helped him off the floor. Granted, Ruki loved this new Reita, but it was frightening him. What if he woke up in the morning and realizes it is all just a dream? A wonderful one, but a dream nonetheless.
However, he managed to convince himself - as he was following the detective into his computer room, apparently - that the touch was real. That he indeed felt the blonde’s fingers dig into his shoulders as he was pulled up to his feet. Seeing as his skin was so sensitive, he might even have a slight bruise as a proof of the action - which didn’t bother Ruki at all, on the contrary.
The room they entered was dark, save for the 5 screens lit up, organized as the Olympic circles above some keyboards. Reita pulled another chair next to his and motioned Ruki to sit down.
“Stop acting like a deer caught in the headlights, seriously. Sit down” and he smiled.
When the assassin caught that gorgeous grin, the pearly white of his teeth lit up by the screen lights, something lit up inside him as well. His blood started racing through his body, warming up every extremity - the blonde didn’t hate him. It was all he actually wanted - to be accepted. He was. Was he?
“Look, Ruki… before we start…” Reita scratched the back of his head. “I’m really sorry I treated you so bad before”
“Fuck that, let’s catch some bad guys” Ruki said, looking at the screens. “Who do I have to off?” he needed no apology, the sheer actions of the blonde were enough for him. He didn’t need to know what caused the change in the detective’s behavior, he was happy that it changed and since such good things don’t happen very often in the other’s life, he’ll take it as that.
“No one, dimwit. Shut up and listen to me.”
No, that didn’t mean their bickering would stop. But at least it was normal bickering between friends now. Ruki smiled. Reita was his friend. He figured it was as close as the he could get the tall blonde to be. He clearly wasn’t worth Reita loving him, but if he accepted the small man as a friend, he’d grasp that and cling to it with all his might.
“Ok, so we’re concentrating on getting Tora’s daughter back now and leaving everything else behind. How good are you with computers?”
“I know a thing or two”
“Great. Tora lost his gun after he shot that man and the police got it. Mainly, my partner and I. Aoi can’t do anything about it because it will draw suspicions over our little… scheme, so what we’ll do is hack into the police database and file a declaration in which Tora says he lost his gun, dated three months ago. That should draw some attention off him”
Ruki nodded and took a declaration model from Reita, understanding he had to write it.
“In the meantime, I have to do some research over a bank account. I called you here because… well… since time is our enemy now”
“No, I get it. I’ll write this then I’ll need your password and you’ll need to tell me how I post it… three months ago”
“Thanks. Before that, just to clarify things, I found your fingerprints in Tora’s apartment. On a book which you gave him, I think, but still…”
“I haven’t been in Tora’s apartment. Didn’t even know about his daughter” the lack of trust the blonde was showing hurt Ruki. Then again, Reita had all the reasons to hate him so he just shrugged it off.
“I wasn’t doubting…” the detective tried to reason. The cold gaze he met from Ruki told him to just drop it and he turned to his screen instead.
Once again, Ruki felt his heart crumble to pieces when it dawned on him that, even if Reita didn’t hate him anymore, he would never be able to return his love. Never… He was so close to the blonde. He could take in his perfume, let it fill his lungs - that faint scent of expensive cologne - and breathed it out only to inhale it again. He could hear every steady breath the detective took and could see his chest rise and sink in the process. He could feel the warmth of his body and see every wrinkle in his forehead furrowed his brows when he typed, read, typed again, wrote down new clues, switch between windows and furrowed his brows again. Still, even with his now friend so close to him, he felt farther away from the detective than he ever felt.
Once again, Ruki was dying inside. Before, he knew he didn’t have a chance. He knows that now, too, but his heart keeps telling him otherwise. His heart keeps sending the chills of hope in his spine and he knew far too well that the hope doesn’t have any foundation. He knew that if he ever allowed himself to be optimistic about it he will only be crushed in the end because the blonde could never love a pathetic, worthless monster like him. He wasn’t ready to feel more love and he had to - as much as it pained him - he had to step away from the blonde and build a wall around him. No. Ruki couldn’t accept just Reita’s friendship, as much as he wanted to and as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise.
“Please hate me, Reita…” his mind kept playing. “It would be so much easier”
Ironic. He remembered wishing for this moment before - for the moment the detective wouldn’t have hate in his eyes when he looked in his way - and now he was wishing for the exact opposite. He needed to be hated so he couldn’t be optimistic. It would be so much easier if he didn’t have that fuckin’ spark of hope. It would be easier to accept the hate than to feel disappointment. It would be easier to just die - but he couldn’t. Not because he was afraid of death, no. He had no problem with the concept. Except for the fact that, if there was a heaven or hell, he would be stuck there without even the mere image of Reita.
“Stupid Tora… why would he lose his gun? What kind of a fucked up killer is he?”
“A pyromaniac.” Reita laughed. “He’s used to blowing things… and people… up, not shooting them. Not all of us love guns so much, mister marksman”
Reita was stiff. Tense, as he looked at the screen in front of him when he realized what he just said. His friend was indeed a pyromaniac, ever since he was a child. He blew up cars, cats, dogs, animals… even people - granted, since he joined the crew of vigilantes, but still. He shot a person 27 times, out of pure rage and hatred. And he thought Ruki was fucked up?
Another friend of his was a government spy. He killed people before on command from his bosses, invaded privacy, collected information in order for the upper powers to invade other countries, kill children and women and steal riches, probably. And Ruki was the fucked up one?
The last one of the group, the leader, was a mafia leader. A swordsman, trained in martial arts and sword fighting. He could dodge a bullet with his sword, unsheathe and kill a man in less than a second; he watched as body parts fell from the bodies in front of him as, with swings of a blade faster than lightning - he dismembered them… who was the fucked up one again?
He knew before of Ruki’s professional background. He was a sniper in the army. He killed enemies and protected his own country. Now, he was killing criminals, people that sold drugs to children; that sold children to pedophiles all while taking care of a teen he doesn’t even know.
Reita was disgusted at himself and when he swallowed, he felt like he swallowed his own vomit. He made himself sick. Granted, he never was good with people, but hating a man for no particular reason, judging him when others were even worse - and he loved those to pieces - he never did that.
He didn’t know how to act around Ruki. He looked at him apologetically, but his look wasn’t acknowledged. No, Ruki was busy helping.
And Ruki loved him. How do you act around someone that loves you, someone that you formerly hated for no reason whatsoever?
Reita was smart. But apparently, not that smart.
~
The little girl was sitting on the cold concrete floor, leaning against a damp wall. She was scared, she was sobbing - she missed her father.
She was dirty, her black hair was tangled and the childish glow in her eyes was no longer there.
Everyday, she kept yelling, even though no one heard her. She was screaming for her father to come after her, for someone to come after her. All she wanted was to leave that place and be safe in Shinji’s protective arms again.
The metallic door opened as a couple of sandwiches were carelessly thrown her way and in her desperate state she sprinted towards the door, reaching it only when it closed. She fell next to it as she heard the chain and lock being put back to place.
“Otou-san…” she wept.
Chapter: 5/??
Author: cadaver_maxx
Genre: AU, Police
Warnings: (for entire story) violence, smut, drugs, alcohol, language
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Pairing(s): Reita x Ruki (main) / Aoi x Uruha/ Uruha x Aoi/ Tora x Saga / Kai x Hiroto / Kaoru x Die
Band(s): The Gazette, Alice Nine, Dir en Grey
Disclaimer: Let’s pretend I do own them. Will I be wasting time writing this thing? Seriously?
Summary: Five skilled men live and breathe danger, just to help save the purity that lives around them. Through bullets, blades, explosions, they still have to live their own separate lives and identities. But it’s their choice. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Comments: Sorry for the delay. Life threw shit at me. Comments/critique appreciated and help one stay motivated. And if it’s between [], it’s a picture.
( Kurotsuki - Prologue ) ( Chapter 1 ) ( Chapter 2 ) ( Chapter 3 ) ( Chapter 4 ) ( Chapter 4.5 )
A very tired, overworked Akira was sitting at his desk, looking at the stack of files that needed solving; he sighed as he took the first one and began looking through it.
“They keep piling up, don’t they?” his colleague asked, throwing another one on the table.
“Another one?” the blonde scowled and picked it up, motioning the redhead to sit on a chair.
“No. Some info on the gun. Belongs to Amano Shinji, apparently”
Akira felt his insides get constricted as he heard the name and saw the report. He’d have a hard time getting his friend out of this but he kept his composure. “Isn’t that the…”
“CEO of Amano INC. Toshiya and his gun fetish… See the paw there? Only one gun has it, and that was custom made for Amano.”
“Hm…”
“You think he did it?” Die asked.
“I doubt it. Why would Amano want to kill a lowlife like that?”
The feeling in his guts never left him as the wheels of his brain started turning in search for a solution. Thankfully a knock on the door ended their little conversation and Akira smiled as a honey-blonde entered his office.
“I’m sorry, Akira. Am I disturbing?” Kouyou spoke, looking at the files in the man’s hand and the redhead that just turned in his chair to look at him. “Sir.” He saluted Die.
“Kouyou. No, you’re not disturbing.” He smiled. “My partner, Die. Kouyou, a dear friend.”
“Pleased to meet you, Kouyou.” Die got up from his chair and shook both Akira and Kouyou’s hand. “I’m gonna go have lunch then we’ll see of that gun”
“I’ll be here.” Akira closed the door after Die and motioned the honey-blonde to take a seat in front of his desk. “Is there any trouble, doll? How can I help you?”
“No… Well, yes, but not of that kind” the waiter laughed and continued after he heard the low chuckle of the detective. “It’s about Takanori”
It was the third time this day when Akira felt his guts twist, except that this time, it wasn’t with worry, it was with pure sickness. “What did he do?” surely he had to do something bad. Maybe he went on a killing rampage in Shizuka, maybe he killed a baby. Maybe he-…
“He loves you” there. He said it. Then sighed, both in relief, both in anticipation of the many more explanations he would have to give and the many more questions he would have to answer.
“He what?” Akira laughed. “Please, Kouyou… I don’t think that creature is ca-“
“Could you please not insult him? I know you hate him, I know you have your reasons, but can you just hear me out?”
“Apologies, Kouyou. Please…” he motioned for him to continue.
“Takanori… he… I don’t even know where to begin.”
However, he figured that the smart detective would understand him even if he made no sense, so he began telling him the story of Takanori’s past, describing every scar, visible or not, describing every time the short blonde broke; every tear he let out and every sigh.
Akira just stood in his chair and listened, his jaw somewhere on the other side of the earth. He was shocked to find that about his team mate, even more shocked to find out the hatred the little man felt towards killing. It wasn’t hard for him to believe Kouyou - the waiter had no reason to alter the reality of Takanori’s past and he was also the man’s step brother so he was bound to know everything about him.
“The reason he wants so hard to appear normal in front of you guys, even slightly twisted, is because he’s tired of being pitied. He doesn’t want to be known just because of his past, he doesn’t want it to get in the way of his life. He wants to be happy, but he can’t… because the man he loves so dearly, you, is hating him. Not because of the man he was, but because of the mask he puts on.”
“I… didn’t know…” Akira sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry, Kouyou. To both of you.” The blonde felt like he betrayed every sense of justice by judging Takanori based on appearances only. He should’ve known better than to based his whole opinion on what he saw, without knowing the reasoning behind all. “But I can’t…”
“I’m not asking you to love him back. Just… stop hating him. Let him be your friend, not someone whose presence you’re just tolerating.”
“I can do that…”
“Thank you. A lot”
When the waiter left, Akira sunk back in his seat. He had many new pieces of information he had to process and he wasn’t in the presence of mind to do it. His tiredness wasn’t exactly helping either - he was in desperate need of a long break. Maybe he could-…
~
Takanori’s heart flinched when he took the phone out of his pocket and realized he got a message from Reita. He was expecting the usual, a meeting at Kurotsuki so he may discuss what he discovered while looking through the files. As far as he could fathom, the smart detective might have even found the girl. No… the text message called him at a random address in Tokyo at 5 PM. He looked at his watch. 2 hours to prepare and get there. Should be enough. As the stripes on his neck were visible and he turned into Ruki, he threw a glance in the mirror, checking his appearance.
“Fuck if I know why I even bother…” he sighed and grabbed his jacket in haste, going down the stairs to his car.
It wasn’t long ‘till he reached his destination - an old apartment block at the edge of town - and he was actually surprised when he saw no familiar car in the parking lot. Except for Reita’s. It was suspicious, though. Why would Reita convoke a meeting in such a place? It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford a night at Kurotsuki, the blonde had money to bathe in.
“Ruki! Over here.”
When Ruki turned he recognized the familiar half-covered face of his colleague and proceeded to walk in his direction. He was completely entranced in the way the blonde detective was leaning against a support pole with such nonchalance and the way his eyes showed-…. No emotion? Where was the hate? The disgust he felt for Ruki? How come he’s not looking at the shorter man like he wants him stabbed by five thousand swords?
“Are the others already here?” Ruki asked when he finally got next to Reita.
“No, it’s just us tonight. I need your help with something, come on”
They both made their way to Reita’s secret loft. The assassin was confused. Like a dear caught in the headlights. Dumbfounded, actually. So many questions popped in his head nd he was so busy trying to answer them that he didn’t even acknowledge the fluffy carpet in Reita’s living room. So, as he dragged his feet after him, one of them got caught under the carpet and as he tried to take one more step he found himself flying and landing on his stomach with a loud “umph!”. The tall blonde laughed while helping his shorter colleague up.
It was interesting for Reita how easy it was to tolerate Ruki now, how easy it was to look at him as a friend and not a disgusting piece of meet. He still wondered why such strong thoughts he had before simply disappeared after the conversation with Kouyou. Of course, he doubted the man’s evilness before - seeing him tend to Hiroto was a pleasant surprise. Maybe the loathing transferred to himself when he realized he had judged a man before even taking the time to know him. Yes, he felt guilty, because in the three years he had known Ruki, he never asked him a question about his past, about how he was feeling, not even a courteous “how are you?”. Reita could admit a mistake and he will apologize to Ruki.
“Sorry… I… fell.”
“Yes, I can see that. Now come on, we have a fuckload of work to do” he said while walking in the direction of a metallic door and opened it.
The short blonde had to admit the sudden change in Reita’s behaviour was frightening him. First he called him to his home… only him. Then his eyes showed no hatred and anger towards him and now he was as friendly as to actually touch him as he helped him off the floor. Granted, Ruki loved this new Reita, but it was frightening him. What if he woke up in the morning and realizes it is all just a dream? A wonderful one, but a dream nonetheless.
However, he managed to convince himself - as he was following the detective into his computer room, apparently - that the touch was real. That he indeed felt the blonde’s fingers dig into his shoulders as he was pulled up to his feet. Seeing as his skin was so sensitive, he might even have a slight bruise as a proof of the action - which didn’t bother Ruki at all, on the contrary.
The room they entered was dark, save for the 5 screens lit up, organized as the Olympic circles above some keyboards. Reita pulled another chair next to his and motioned Ruki to sit down.
“Stop acting like a deer caught in the headlights, seriously. Sit down” and he smiled.
When the assassin caught that gorgeous grin, the pearly white of his teeth lit up by the screen lights, something lit up inside him as well. His blood started racing through his body, warming up every extremity - the blonde didn’t hate him. It was all he actually wanted - to be accepted. He was. Was he?
“Look, Ruki… before we start…” Reita scratched the back of his head. “I’m really sorry I treated you so bad before”
“Fuck that, let’s catch some bad guys” Ruki said, looking at the screens. “Who do I have to off?” he needed no apology, the sheer actions of the blonde were enough for him. He didn’t need to know what caused the change in the detective’s behavior, he was happy that it changed and since such good things don’t happen very often in the other’s life, he’ll take it as that.
“No one, dimwit. Shut up and listen to me.”
No, that didn’t mean their bickering would stop. But at least it was normal bickering between friends now. Ruki smiled. Reita was his friend. He figured it was as close as the he could get the tall blonde to be. He clearly wasn’t worth Reita loving him, but if he accepted the small man as a friend, he’d grasp that and cling to it with all his might.
“Ok, so we’re concentrating on getting Tora’s daughter back now and leaving everything else behind. How good are you with computers?”
“I know a thing or two”
“Great. Tora lost his gun after he shot that man and the police got it. Mainly, my partner and I. Aoi can’t do anything about it because it will draw suspicions over our little… scheme, so what we’ll do is hack into the police database and file a declaration in which Tora says he lost his gun, dated three months ago. That should draw some attention off him”
Ruki nodded and took a declaration model from Reita, understanding he had to write it.
“In the meantime, I have to do some research over a bank account. I called you here because… well… since time is our enemy now”
“No, I get it. I’ll write this then I’ll need your password and you’ll need to tell me how I post it… three months ago”
“Thanks. Before that, just to clarify things, I found your fingerprints in Tora’s apartment. On a book which you gave him, I think, but still…”
“I haven’t been in Tora’s apartment. Didn’t even know about his daughter” the lack of trust the blonde was showing hurt Ruki. Then again, Reita had all the reasons to hate him so he just shrugged it off.
“I wasn’t doubting…” the detective tried to reason. The cold gaze he met from Ruki told him to just drop it and he turned to his screen instead.
Once again, Ruki felt his heart crumble to pieces when it dawned on him that, even if Reita didn’t hate him anymore, he would never be able to return his love. Never… He was so close to the blonde. He could take in his perfume, let it fill his lungs - that faint scent of expensive cologne - and breathed it out only to inhale it again. He could hear every steady breath the detective took and could see his chest rise and sink in the process. He could feel the warmth of his body and see every wrinkle in his forehead furrowed his brows when he typed, read, typed again, wrote down new clues, switch between windows and furrowed his brows again. Still, even with his now friend so close to him, he felt farther away from the detective than he ever felt.
Once again, Ruki was dying inside. Before, he knew he didn’t have a chance. He knows that now, too, but his heart keeps telling him otherwise. His heart keeps sending the chills of hope in his spine and he knew far too well that the hope doesn’t have any foundation. He knew that if he ever allowed himself to be optimistic about it he will only be crushed in the end because the blonde could never love a pathetic, worthless monster like him. He wasn’t ready to feel more love and he had to - as much as it pained him - he had to step away from the blonde and build a wall around him. No. Ruki couldn’t accept just Reita’s friendship, as much as he wanted to and as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise.
“Please hate me, Reita…” his mind kept playing. “It would be so much easier”
Ironic. He remembered wishing for this moment before - for the moment the detective wouldn’t have hate in his eyes when he looked in his way - and now he was wishing for the exact opposite. He needed to be hated so he couldn’t be optimistic. It would be so much easier if he didn’t have that fuckin’ spark of hope. It would be easier to accept the hate than to feel disappointment. It would be easier to just die - but he couldn’t. Not because he was afraid of death, no. He had no problem with the concept. Except for the fact that, if there was a heaven or hell, he would be stuck there without even the mere image of Reita.
“Stupid Tora… why would he lose his gun? What kind of a fucked up killer is he?”
“A pyromaniac.” Reita laughed. “He’s used to blowing things… and people… up, not shooting them. Not all of us love guns so much, mister marksman”
Reita was stiff. Tense, as he looked at the screen in front of him when he realized what he just said. His friend was indeed a pyromaniac, ever since he was a child. He blew up cars, cats, dogs, animals… even people - granted, since he joined the crew of vigilantes, but still. He shot a person 27 times, out of pure rage and hatred. And he thought Ruki was fucked up?
Another friend of his was a government spy. He killed people before on command from his bosses, invaded privacy, collected information in order for the upper powers to invade other countries, kill children and women and steal riches, probably. And Ruki was the fucked up one?
The last one of the group, the leader, was a mafia leader. A swordsman, trained in martial arts and sword fighting. He could dodge a bullet with his sword, unsheathe and kill a man in less than a second; he watched as body parts fell from the bodies in front of him as, with swings of a blade faster than lightning - he dismembered them… who was the fucked up one again?
He knew before of Ruki’s professional background. He was a sniper in the army. He killed enemies and protected his own country. Now, he was killing criminals, people that sold drugs to children; that sold children to pedophiles all while taking care of a teen he doesn’t even know.
Reita was disgusted at himself and when he swallowed, he felt like he swallowed his own vomit. He made himself sick. Granted, he never was good with people, but hating a man for no particular reason, judging him when others were even worse - and he loved those to pieces - he never did that.
He didn’t know how to act around Ruki. He looked at him apologetically, but his look wasn’t acknowledged. No, Ruki was busy helping.
And Ruki loved him. How do you act around someone that loves you, someone that you formerly hated for no reason whatsoever?
Reita was smart. But apparently, not that smart.
~
The little girl was sitting on the cold concrete floor, leaning against a damp wall. She was scared, she was sobbing - she missed her father.
She was dirty, her black hair was tangled and the childish glow in her eyes was no longer there.
Everyday, she kept yelling, even though no one heard her. She was screaming for her father to come after her, for someone to come after her. All she wanted was to leave that place and be safe in Shinji’s protective arms again.
The metallic door opened as a couple of sandwiches were carelessly thrown her way and in her desperate state she sprinted towards the door, reaching it only when it closed. She fell next to it as she heard the chain and lock being put back to place.
“Otou-san…” she wept.