(no subject)
ok i'm just gonna recap what all i just said cuz it was long winded and didn't probably even make sense.
basically i'm just frustrated to no end. and i hate all of you that have the option of living the way you want cuz people just provide you with the means to do it. "do it yourself then you say?" yeah thats what i'm so frustrated about. money can only be spread so thin. and every attempt i make at changing things in my life such as living arrangments, computer, or even just replacing/fixing shit that gets fucked up like my car stereo getting stolen, etc. is foiled by some other dumb shit. i.e. medical bills or car trouble, or whatever. well thats life yes. but i cannot believe how many people i know that don't have to deal with all that. they don't even realize it.
how fucking happy of a person would i be if i could think about traveling and living without having to anticipate financial overload being just around the bend. and it's even awesomer when people look at your life and judge you for not having finished school or having been to more places. meanwhile they can fart around and get drunk every night at the bar cuz someone else is buying their groceries, or paying for thier car to be fixed.
i am an emotional person i'll admit that. but i'm not one that suffers from wild mood swings usually. and certainly i don't like to inflict that shit on other people. although i'm sure i have at least once or twice on each of my closest friends considering i've known them for so long.
the problem is living here, i'm acting just the way i don't want to. getting mad all the time. mood swings. etc.
i feel like a baby and probably look worse to my parents. its almost like i resent their presence so much that i abandon all attempt at going about things the way i would if i were living somewhere else. kinda like, there's nothing i can do about this so i'm just gonna stop fighting it and indulge in these mood swings.
its so imature and i know for a fact that if i left here tomorrow it wouldn't happen ever.
i think i'm gonna have to get a loan and do something about this. at this point i think it's detremental to my well being.
i'm willing to put mental health before educatiion at this point.
i think i have to.
i've come so far in the last year or two. i'm twice the person i was ever in my life before. i'm secure in who i am, and i know what i want out of life in a lot of ways. and most importantly what i don't want. i have to keep exploring those areas. i just think i've come as far as i can here.
basically i'm just frustrated to no end. and i hate all of you that have the option of living the way you want cuz people just provide you with the means to do it. "do it yourself then you say?" yeah thats what i'm so frustrated about. money can only be spread so thin. and every attempt i make at changing things in my life such as living arrangments, computer, or even just replacing/fixing shit that gets fucked up like my car stereo getting stolen, etc. is foiled by some other dumb shit. i.e. medical bills or car trouble, or whatever. well thats life yes. but i cannot believe how many people i know that don't have to deal with all that. they don't even realize it.
how fucking happy of a person would i be if i could think about traveling and living without having to anticipate financial overload being just around the bend. and it's even awesomer when people look at your life and judge you for not having finished school or having been to more places. meanwhile they can fart around and get drunk every night at the bar cuz someone else is buying their groceries, or paying for thier car to be fixed.
i am an emotional person i'll admit that. but i'm not one that suffers from wild mood swings usually. and certainly i don't like to inflict that shit on other people. although i'm sure i have at least once or twice on each of my closest friends considering i've known them for so long.
the problem is living here, i'm acting just the way i don't want to. getting mad all the time. mood swings. etc.
i feel like a baby and probably look worse to my parents. its almost like i resent their presence so much that i abandon all attempt at going about things the way i would if i were living somewhere else. kinda like, there's nothing i can do about this so i'm just gonna stop fighting it and indulge in these mood swings.
its so imature and i know for a fact that if i left here tomorrow it wouldn't happen ever.
i think i'm gonna have to get a loan and do something about this. at this point i think it's detremental to my well being.
i'm willing to put mental health before educatiion at this point.
i think i have to.
i've come so far in the last year or two. i'm twice the person i was ever in my life before. i'm secure in who i am, and i know what i want out of life in a lot of ways. and most importantly what i don't want. i have to keep exploring those areas. i just think i've come as far as i can here.