(no subject)
Went out to see Amorette and the gang last night for a game night, and as usual dragged Ruben along. Had a good time, didn't actually play any games for very long (played one for about half the game, but then Amorette got there and I ceded my cards to someone else to go hang on her a while), caught up with some folks and got to know a few others. Talked about my cats and Amorette's lack of a desire for a second kidlet yet. Kidlet went straight to bed, so I didn't have to deal with him direct at all :D
It did lead me to think about affection vs attraction, though. Hanging out with Ruben is always interesting, because I know I used to have a very powerful but very comfortable love for him (he's my ex-boyfriend, from high school, and probably my first love unless you count Amorette who I never actually dated or thought about romantically). A lot of that is still there and actually came back into a very comfortable feeling with him now, over a decade later. But I do not feel any attraction for him at all. I don't watch him move or want to stroke his hair or immediately look for him in a room. I used to wonder about this, because I can objectively say he is a very pretty man and I do like looking at him in an aesthetic sense, and I do really enjoy his company on the whole. Plus, I think he'd date me again in a heartbeat if I indicated interest, and I did briefly consider whether or not I ought to do this.
Amorette, though, I'm always looking for her, and I'm always itching to put my arms around her and hug her close, and I love watching her move because she's just so graceful and pretty to me. I have gotten that feeling around some other female friends-- I remember it vividly around Kat way back when (I still remember how her waist was perfect for hugging and her shoulder just the right height for my chin), and when I visit Phe (there was a sleep-deprived day or two on our first meeting where I just kind of happily stared at her while we drove the boat to get dinner with her dad), and I used to get it bad for my friend Liz out here (I am over that one XD ). I still don't think I feel romantically towards Amorette, she's too much like family for that really, but there is something there I definitely don't feel for Ruben, which definitely says I ought not to be dating Ruben :P
I was also thinking on the drive home, while Ruben talked about some of his experiences as a homeless drug dealer (he kinda had a nasty life in his last couple years of high school after we broke up :( he's cleaned up now, thankfully), I was musing that... I haven't done a lot of stuff. This is in many ways a good thing: I've never broken the law (beyond speeding), I've never done acid (he has and told me what it was like), I've never been drunk (I don't like alcohol). and I've never even been in a physical fight (a good thing, cuz I'd lose, I'm tiny seriously).
But I've also never had sex, which is considered by most people to be a really awesome thing. Me, I could probably live without it. But I do wonder now and then if I'm really missing out on something. I know I'm not aromantic, I get crushes like crazy on people, mostly girls, as stated above, there. I'm pretty sure I'm at least mostly homoromantic, and if I'm sexual at all, it's probably homosexual. I'm just not sure if I am or not.
That part of me that wonders also keeps thinking I should try online dating. The rest of me thinks that part is crazy because I love living by myself and having my time to myself and not having to share my space, cats, and attention. But I do keep considering it anyway.
Anyway, I don't know what the point of this was except to ramble, and plurk seemed a difficult medium to do it in, given the character limits. So, hey, ramble XD
It did lead me to think about affection vs attraction, though. Hanging out with Ruben is always interesting, because I know I used to have a very powerful but very comfortable love for him (he's my ex-boyfriend, from high school, and probably my first love unless you count Amorette who I never actually dated or thought about romantically). A lot of that is still there and actually came back into a very comfortable feeling with him now, over a decade later. But I do not feel any attraction for him at all. I don't watch him move or want to stroke his hair or immediately look for him in a room. I used to wonder about this, because I can objectively say he is a very pretty man and I do like looking at him in an aesthetic sense, and I do really enjoy his company on the whole. Plus, I think he'd date me again in a heartbeat if I indicated interest, and I did briefly consider whether or not I ought to do this.
Amorette, though, I'm always looking for her, and I'm always itching to put my arms around her and hug her close, and I love watching her move because she's just so graceful and pretty to me. I have gotten that feeling around some other female friends-- I remember it vividly around Kat way back when (I still remember how her waist was perfect for hugging and her shoulder just the right height for my chin), and when I visit Phe (there was a sleep-deprived day or two on our first meeting where I just kind of happily stared at her while we drove the boat to get dinner with her dad), and I used to get it bad for my friend Liz out here (I am over that one XD ). I still don't think I feel romantically towards Amorette, she's too much like family for that really, but there is something there I definitely don't feel for Ruben, which definitely says I ought not to be dating Ruben :P
I was also thinking on the drive home, while Ruben talked about some of his experiences as a homeless drug dealer (he kinda had a nasty life in his last couple years of high school after we broke up :( he's cleaned up now, thankfully), I was musing that... I haven't done a lot of stuff. This is in many ways a good thing: I've never broken the law (beyond speeding), I've never done acid (he has and told me what it was like), I've never been drunk (I don't like alcohol). and I've never even been in a physical fight (a good thing, cuz I'd lose, I'm tiny seriously).
But I've also never had sex, which is considered by most people to be a really awesome thing. Me, I could probably live without it. But I do wonder now and then if I'm really missing out on something. I know I'm not aromantic, I get crushes like crazy on people, mostly girls, as stated above, there. I'm pretty sure I'm at least mostly homoromantic, and if I'm sexual at all, it's probably homosexual. I'm just not sure if I am or not.
That part of me that wonders also keeps thinking I should try online dating. The rest of me thinks that part is crazy because I love living by myself and having my time to myself and not having to share my space, cats, and attention. But I do keep considering it anyway.
Anyway, I don't know what the point of this was except to ramble, and plurk seemed a difficult medium to do it in, given the character limits. So, hey, ramble XD