"yea for a minute there, i lost myself"
Got part of this from chirpbird who got it from saraa who got it from someone else. I thought it sort of fit with the entry.
Three things that scare me:
1)the dark.
2)rejection.
3)not changing anything in my life.
Three things that make me laugh:
1)comedians.
2)mel brooks movies.
3)weird al yankovic.
Three Things I love:
1)laughing.
2)music.
3)memories.
Three Things I hate:
1)being alone.
2)being under-appreciated/ignored.
3)cancer.
Three things I don't understand:
1)love.
2)life.
3)geometry.
Three things on my desk:
1)cds.
2)cd-r's.
3)reminder notes.
Three things I'm doing right now:
1)thinking/dieing from intense pain in my head.
2)typing this.
3)listening to music.
Three things I want to do before I die:
1)love.
2)feel loved.
3)act in something other than a cheesy highschool play.
Three things I can do:
1)make people laugh and feel better.
2)play the flute pretty ok.
3)manipulate people.
Three ways to describe my personality:
1)loud.
2)deceptive.
3)damn good.
Three things I can't do:
1)apologize sincerely.
2)make myself feel better.
3)open up.
there's something happening here.
what it is ain't exactly clear.
there's a man with a gun over there
telling me i've got to beware.
So, I've come to find that I have the strangest countenance as of late. Feels like something is going to happen, still. There's an air above me, but I don't know what it is. I don't know.
So these last few days since school has ended, I guess it's really only been a little over 2 weeks, have been so packed with things. I've been hanging out with people and working every night. I can't name a night when I haven't done anything. These last 2.whatever weeks have brought thought to me, however.
I don't know, I think of my old friend sent away, and our family friend dying of cancer. I just feel like it could change somehow. Like it should change. It's a helpless feeling, having to watch people suffer and change for the worse. :(
i just want someone to say to me,
"i'll always be there when you wake."
you know, i'd like to keep my cheeks dry today,
so stay with me and i'll have it made.
The confusion right now between possible interests is killing me to death.(that's right, double negative) I've found myself in the same predicament I was in a little more than a year ago. I don't know what to do or how to resolve it, but I know I'm just getting lonely, and it's sucky.
i remember feeling low,
and i remember losing hope.
i remember all the feelings
and the day they stopped.
There's a crushing feeling on me now, like a huge weight is on my shoulders. At the same time, that feeling is like somebody just yanked the bottom out from under me. I think I can attribute it most to the whole entering the last year of high school thing that's going on.
I definitely do not feel as though I am a senior and that I should be applying to colleges and stuff at the end of this year. I do not feel 2 months away from turning 18. My mom and I are going down to Downingtown to look at 2 colleges I really like, and it just seems unreal that it's actually happening. As much as I can't wait to get out of this shithole of a town, I feel as if I was grounded here, which sucks. I got small-townitis. I'm glad I'm getting out.
soon you will learn to swallow your tears so that when you grow old you can cry in your beers.
I've also found that I don't care. I made someone mad, and I didn't care. A friend was feeling left out, I didn't care. I still don't care. I'm through being nice and I'm through being phoney. At least for this summer, and at least only in those respects.
By the way, this attack of feelings in the journal is me realizing that I don't mention any of that crap in here, and everyone else does. I'm giving the feelings thing a try, though this is just the tip of the world sized ice berg.
So yes, it's quite a confusing time for me at this present moment. Any comments are appreciated.
This will also be the time when I ask for those anonymous people, or those people whom I don't know that read my journal to comment. Don't have to leave your name, just comment. Say whatever you want.