(no subject)
Josephine died last night. Chris found her this morning.
She had pnemonia last week, but she really looked as though she was coming threw. Then on Monday she got diarehha and I was in touch with the vet, the suspected the medication. Last night they told me I should bring her in today, but that it could wait to today. I was hoping school whould be closed so I culd take her at the earliest possible time. The first thing I did before getting dressed or anything was check the ub site. They were delayed til ten. That meant if I was at the vet doors at 8 when they opened, I might have a chance of making it to work on time. I started to look for her to see if she was doing better, I checked under the bed and in the bathroom, because for some reason she had taken refuge there the night before. THen Chris came in and hugged me and said he was sorry
I cried myself to sleep last night because she was doing so bad I suspected it. I feel sad, lonely, guilty, relieved. REleived only because she was so sick and even gulitier for feeling any kind of releif. I've been feeding her out of tube since last wednesday.
Normally when I m faced with such things I go for distraction. I've gone for distraciton her to, but it's more escapism. REading is the only thing I can do to not think of it. Normally I Can busy my self with a bunch of senseless tasks, like cleaning. But I find myself starting something and moving on forgetting I started it. OR worse going into a room and forgetting why I went in there. My mind is so on the evasive I can't concentrate.
I'm going to go to class because I should, because I'm already missin gone in february to go to the AWP conference.
But I don't know if I'll actually be there. Worse this is the teacher I wrote the comic based on Josephine for. I hope she doesn't ask about her.
I didn't go to work.
Josephine was a stinker and stubborn and I think that's why I loved her so much. She was so full of life and personality. And smart. And she had empathy. I remember when I was crying over the stupid harry potter book, she came up and jumped in my lap and snuggled real close to me. IF you know her, you'd know how otherwise out of charecter that was for her.
The worst part isn't that she's gone. THe worst part is going to be forgetting that she is only to remember. It's like releiving it over and over and over. Every time I cut an apple (made that mistake today) a little chunk feel off and I thought "Opps Josephine piece" IN fact anytime I prepare a healthy snack, she was kind of my snack buddy. Anytime I have left over salad or feel an impulse to stock up on carrots. Every time I remember to shut the office door at night or not to leave any cookies on a low table or snacks in my purse. Everytime I cover a wire I push in a chair so she can't jump up on the table and knock all mu stuff around.
In the morning when I sleep in past the alarm and she's not jumping on my head, just to inform me its past time to get up.
If it wasn't for the birds I don't think I'd go anywhere near a pet store.
When I walk in the park, or have a spare cardboard box (her favorite place to play)
When I come home and remember to let her out of her cage which is no longer there.
When I spill birdseed on the floor.
When I just want to pet and snuggle her
I've got to go to class and there's no one to shake a box of treats for, no one to come running to my feet ears up in anticipation, no one to chew on cage bars and give a little grumph that 's time to go in her cage.
No one to sneak into my closet while I 'm getting ready to leave and no one to accidently shut inthere heh.
No more bunny kisses.
She had pnemonia last week, but she really looked as though she was coming threw. Then on Monday she got diarehha and I was in touch with the vet, the suspected the medication. Last night they told me I should bring her in today, but that it could wait to today. I was hoping school whould be closed so I culd take her at the earliest possible time. The first thing I did before getting dressed or anything was check the ub site. They were delayed til ten. That meant if I was at the vet doors at 8 when they opened, I might have a chance of making it to work on time. I started to look for her to see if she was doing better, I checked under the bed and in the bathroom, because for some reason she had taken refuge there the night before. THen Chris came in and hugged me and said he was sorry
I cried myself to sleep last night because she was doing so bad I suspected it. I feel sad, lonely, guilty, relieved. REleived only because she was so sick and even gulitier for feeling any kind of releif. I've been feeding her out of tube since last wednesday.
Normally when I m faced with such things I go for distraction. I've gone for distraciton her to, but it's more escapism. REading is the only thing I can do to not think of it. Normally I Can busy my self with a bunch of senseless tasks, like cleaning. But I find myself starting something and moving on forgetting I started it. OR worse going into a room and forgetting why I went in there. My mind is so on the evasive I can't concentrate.
I'm going to go to class because I should, because I'm already missin gone in february to go to the AWP conference.
But I don't know if I'll actually be there. Worse this is the teacher I wrote the comic based on Josephine for. I hope she doesn't ask about her.
I didn't go to work.
Josephine was a stinker and stubborn and I think that's why I loved her so much. She was so full of life and personality. And smart. And she had empathy. I remember when I was crying over the stupid harry potter book, she came up and jumped in my lap and snuggled real close to me. IF you know her, you'd know how otherwise out of charecter that was for her.
The worst part isn't that she's gone. THe worst part is going to be forgetting that she is only to remember. It's like releiving it over and over and over. Every time I cut an apple (made that mistake today) a little chunk feel off and I thought "Opps Josephine piece" IN fact anytime I prepare a healthy snack, she was kind of my snack buddy. Anytime I have left over salad or feel an impulse to stock up on carrots. Every time I remember to shut the office door at night or not to leave any cookies on a low table or snacks in my purse. Everytime I cover a wire I push in a chair so she can't jump up on the table and knock all mu stuff around.
In the morning when I sleep in past the alarm and she's not jumping on my head, just to inform me its past time to get up.
If it wasn't for the birds I don't think I'd go anywhere near a pet store.
When I walk in the park, or have a spare cardboard box (her favorite place to play)
When I come home and remember to let her out of her cage which is no longer there.
When I spill birdseed on the floor.
When I just want to pet and snuggle her
I've got to go to class and there's no one to shake a box of treats for, no one to come running to my feet ears up in anticipation, no one to chew on cage bars and give a little grumph that 's time to go in her cage.
No one to sneak into my closet while I 'm getting ready to leave and no one to accidently shut inthere heh.
No more bunny kisses.