(no subject)
I just read over the entry I posted the day I lost my virginity. It's private, so no one else can read it.
As I was reading it, I remembered how i felt, how much I hated myself for it, even though it wasn't really my fault. I just think about if that day had gone differently. If i hadn't gone over to his house. Maybe I wouldn't have fucked up my life so badly. Maybe I wouldn't be where i am now. Not that i'm displeased with my life right now, but it could be a lot better. i could be at a university right now. On the other hand, if I hadn't hit rock bottom maybe I would still be partying and fucking up right now. You never know. I guess I shouldn't dwell on what could have been.
I sound like a sad little girl in that post. I could hear myself trying to justify it. Trying to make it not sound as bad as it really was. You tell yourself what you need to hear to make it through the day.
I wish I had never met Cameron. I would give up all the love we had to go back in time and never meet him. The hurt far outweighs the happiness.
As I was reading it, I remembered how i felt, how much I hated myself for it, even though it wasn't really my fault. I just think about if that day had gone differently. If i hadn't gone over to his house. Maybe I wouldn't have fucked up my life so badly. Maybe I wouldn't be where i am now. Not that i'm displeased with my life right now, but it could be a lot better. i could be at a university right now. On the other hand, if I hadn't hit rock bottom maybe I would still be partying and fucking up right now. You never know. I guess I shouldn't dwell on what could have been.
I sound like a sad little girl in that post. I could hear myself trying to justify it. Trying to make it not sound as bad as it really was. You tell yourself what you need to hear to make it through the day.
I wish I had never met Cameron. I would give up all the love we had to go back in time and never meet him. The hurt far outweighs the happiness.