bit of a conundrum...

[cablewoman]

so, i'm experiencing a bit of a moral dilema. i went to the bar, rolind's (sp) on saturday night with morgan and melissa. we were having a great time, just hanging out w/ the girls, and the next thing i know, a group of like 10 avonworth guys show up. how weird... i mean, of all the bars in pittsburgh, why did they have to come to that bar? so at first, i was like... damnit, i don't want to see all of these people. but then, i realized who a couple of them were. one was keith, cj's brother, and another is a boy who i've been super attracted to since like 9th or 10th grade: jeremy anderson. so, naturally, i got a little excited. i was talking to keith for a while, about how i didn't want him to hate me b/c of what went on w/ cj... whatever. and then, i started talking to jeremy. and talking soon turned into some serious flirting... on both sides too, so it wasn't just me flirting. at one point, i got up to run to the bathroom, and when i came back, someone was sitting on my bar stool. so, jeremy said that i could sit on his lap... and i did. needless to say, the flirting only got worse as i was sitting on his lap. and worse in a good way, b/c like i said, i've had a crush on this boy for a very long time. the next thing i know, 2:00 rolls around, and it's time to leave the bar. jeremy catches a ride home with morgan and melissa and goodboy and i. jermey gave me his number, i gave him mine. i wanted soooo badly to ask him to just come home with me, but i didn't... so then, i get home, and what do you know, jeremy calls. he wants me to pick him up so that we can hang out. of course, i wanted to pick up him! but, i didn't want to seem to desperate or easy, so i went to sleep instead. now, i can't stop thinking about what happened, and how much i want to hook up with jeremy. and i know that sounds super slutty, but i do. and that's really out of character for me, b/c i'm really not an easy, loose whore, but i haven't had sex in a few months, and i haven't had good sex in even longer than that. so i really want to call jeremy and hang out. aside from the fact that i don't want to come off easy, there's another, much much bigger problem here. jeremy is a good friend of cj's. and i just don't want to do that to cj. and i told this to jeremy, and he said something along the lines of cj won't care, or cj doesn't have to know... whatever. but still, i know that he would find out. so i really don't know what to do here. i'm really really really attracted to jeremy, i don't ever plan on getting back together with cj, BUT i don't want to hurt him like that. so what should i do? well, i know what i should do, but damn... i really want jeremy. he's such a little hottie. ugh... it's making me crazy! i want jeremy.

in other news, i'm going to see aaron on thursday. it will be interesting to see what happens... and i'll definitely post an entry about it...