addendum to last night;s entry
i kinda figured it out
when he's around, he demands a lot of attention, and leads the group to conversationor activities i have no say in
it's not intentional
simply things i have no say in, such as AP calculus, or model un, with actuvities including dancing and flirting
i prefer to keep my flirting on the rare occasion that i actually can on a personal level
and i am completely uncomfortable with dancing
it paralyzes me
and i almost panic
i wish it wasn't that way, but it seems to be
hopefully i'll be able to work on it one day
but in a group will not work
but these things make me feel like i am unwelcome
i know i am welcome, but i feel like i can't be included
this sets off one of those "black chain spirals"
i start to feel insufficient, and unwanted, and boring
other thigns do the same thing
not as often as it once was
but i think that's why i don't enjoy the company of this person
he makes me make myself feel bad
i need to get better at preventing, and correcting this
when he's around, he demands a lot of attention, and leads the group to conversationor activities i have no say in
it's not intentional
simply things i have no say in, such as AP calculus, or model un, with actuvities including dancing and flirting
i prefer to keep my flirting on the rare occasion that i actually can on a personal level
and i am completely uncomfortable with dancing
it paralyzes me
and i almost panic
i wish it wasn't that way, but it seems to be
hopefully i'll be able to work on it one day
but in a group will not work
but these things make me feel like i am unwelcome
i know i am welcome, but i feel like i can't be included
this sets off one of those "black chain spirals"
i start to feel insufficient, and unwanted, and boring
other thigns do the same thing
not as often as it once was
but i think that's why i don't enjoy the company of this person
he makes me make myself feel bad
i need to get better at preventing, and correcting this