please show me i'm not so alone
this quiet, cold, secluded house is a bad place for someone as depressive as me
even worse, i am having to use my brother's computer
hsi room depresses me
he broke the mirror on his dresser the day after he got it, then he broke it
he was so excited abotu it when we were getting it, i bet it absolutely crushed him
we haven;t replaced it yet, that was probably 3 years ago
there are so many things that remind me how he has been so fucked over
mosty of it feel is directly, or indirectly my fault
i set the standard for him, and he was always tryign to live up to that
when he couldn't he went against that
from what i hear, he's a big pothead now
i never see him
things keep reminding me how all roads lead nowhere
i had been doing so well with everythign lately too
i might be able to talk to someone tomorrow
but the hope i had feels like it is no longer valid
i dunno
i doubt i will ever be able to really deserve what i really want in a relationship
it's actualyl not much to ask at all, many of you would be really surprised to know i have so much trouble finding it
but lately any chance has become a rarity
it's probably my own too high standards or lack of initiative
i could easily settle for a really good friend
jsut someone who lets me know that they want me to be happy
thet they are concerned for my well-being, and enjoy my company
it used to noty be a problem
now, everyone seems too busy for me
or liek they have no more need for me
it's probably jsut me not seeing what's there, or not doing somethign i should
some of you are probably gettign mad at me right now
but whatever happened to "thomas, calm down ,stop worrying, you'll get what you need" or something to snap me out of this black spiral
then a few comforting words, and maybe a hug
the lsat time a touch was really comforting, i told my mom the bad news
that was almost a year ago
i'm sorry
even worse, i am having to use my brother's computer
hsi room depresses me
he broke the mirror on his dresser the day after he got it, then he broke it
he was so excited abotu it when we were getting it, i bet it absolutely crushed him
we haven;t replaced it yet, that was probably 3 years ago
there are so many things that remind me how he has been so fucked over
mosty of it feel is directly, or indirectly my fault
i set the standard for him, and he was always tryign to live up to that
when he couldn't he went against that
from what i hear, he's a big pothead now
i never see him
things keep reminding me how all roads lead nowhere
i had been doing so well with everythign lately too
i might be able to talk to someone tomorrow
but the hope i had feels like it is no longer valid
i dunno
i doubt i will ever be able to really deserve what i really want in a relationship
it's actualyl not much to ask at all, many of you would be really surprised to know i have so much trouble finding it
but lately any chance has become a rarity
it's probably my own too high standards or lack of initiative
i could easily settle for a really good friend
jsut someone who lets me know that they want me to be happy
thet they are concerned for my well-being, and enjoy my company
it used to noty be a problem
now, everyone seems too busy for me
or liek they have no more need for me
it's probably jsut me not seeing what's there, or not doing somethign i should
some of you are probably gettign mad at me right now
but whatever happened to "thomas, calm down ,stop worrying, you'll get what you need" or something to snap me out of this black spiral
then a few comforting words, and maybe a hug
the lsat time a touch was really comforting, i told my mom the bad news
that was almost a year ago
i'm sorry