(no subject)
Crazy. Weighed myself yesterday and I am officially less heavy than I was my freshman year of high school. I'm 45 or 50 pounds under where I was at my highest weight (my senior year of high school I hovered between 200 and 210), and I'm 30 pounds less than where I was when I actually started trying to be healthier. My BMI, for those of you who believe in that, is in the "overweight" range (it's always been in the low reaches of the "obese" range).
And, I guess most importantly, I feel so comfortable with the way I look for the first time in my life. I could probably stand to lose a bit more weight, and the ultimate goal is another 15-20 pounds, but I feel... well, great. When you've had a weight problem your whole life, like I have (and I don't necessarily consider being outside the statistical norm for weight a problem, but I literally hated myself and how I looked. I'm all for health at any weight, but I was not healthy. I have never been healthy, neither physically nor mentally, and a lot of that had to do with my weight), you start to get... I don't know, comfortable with it. Honestly, I thought I'd be uncomfortable with myself for my whole life.
So it's a bit strange for me to be in a place where I'm... not uncomfortable. I feel so confident, I feel good about myself, I look in the mirror and instead of criticizing, I'm complimenting. I look at what I have achieved in terms of self-improvement, and I feel good about what I've done and what I can do. And that's... not me. Not at all.
I'm going to let it become me, though. It feels too good not to.
And, I guess most importantly, I feel so comfortable with the way I look for the first time in my life. I could probably stand to lose a bit more weight, and the ultimate goal is another 15-20 pounds, but I feel... well, great. When you've had a weight problem your whole life, like I have (and I don't necessarily consider being outside the statistical norm for weight a problem, but I literally hated myself and how I looked. I'm all for health at any weight, but I was not healthy. I have never been healthy, neither physically nor mentally, and a lot of that had to do with my weight), you start to get... I don't know, comfortable with it. Honestly, I thought I'd be uncomfortable with myself for my whole life.
So it's a bit strange for me to be in a place where I'm... not uncomfortable. I feel so confident, I feel good about myself, I look in the mirror and instead of criticizing, I'm complimenting. I look at what I have achieved in terms of self-improvement, and I feel good about what I've done and what I can do. And that's... not me. Not at all.
I'm going to let it become me, though. It feels too good not to.