(no subject)
Hello everyone. It's been a good week this week. Wrestling practice started back, which is still very hard. I've been moving up the ladder in my charisma charts, and I think I'll be hitting a ceiling pretty soon. Remains to be seen whether that's good or bad. :P
Well anyway, there's something that I wanted to throw out there today. I've had this journal for a long time now... Looking back it's been what, almost 3 years for now. As I look back over my entries for the past years it's amazing to see how much I've changed. I honestly believed that I am a better person now, that I've grown up and found a happy place where I can sit and enjoy myself.
But it also reminds me of how many of my problems are still around. These things that have been lingering for all this time still ride on my back and I've realized that they aren't going to leave until I make them. Looking back now, it's actually kind of embarrassing, some of the things that I've said. I'm not talking about just the distant past, but the immediate past is also filled with some things I regret.
That's what I want for myself, to always be in control. I look up to these guys that are always in control of the situation, no matter how many things fall down on them. That's what I want to be like. I want to be able to say, "Leave it to me," or "Don't worry, I'll protect you," and not be brushed aside like someone who can't handle it. Because, that's who I am. One thing that's stayed true to me through all these years is that I am a person who gains happiness through bringing happiness to others.
It's something that I pride myself in to this day, because I have yet to make a single real enemy that I regularly conflict with. It's something not too many people can say, isn't it? That you would go out of your way just to make someone else get a little bit of joy, even the slightest. And it's not like I don't find time for me, I'm a very happy person. I enjoy going to school. I appreciate the time I have with my friends because I know it won't last forever. I know what love is like, so I know what true bliss is. This is it, isn't it?
Which brings me to my reason for coming to you today, is that I've decided that I don't really want to continue doing this. My updates have been few and far between, but even when I find time out of my "busy" day to write something, I end up looking back and thinking about how that is not the real me at all. It's something I do often, if not all the time. So I am going to leave you with my last long entry, and pick it up once more to tell you about how this story ends. Because let's be honest, the curtains closing on this fiasco. This time next year I will be completely different. For better or for worse, right? Only time will tell.
Good night, true believers.
Well anyway, there's something that I wanted to throw out there today. I've had this journal for a long time now... Looking back it's been what, almost 3 years for now. As I look back over my entries for the past years it's amazing to see how much I've changed. I honestly believed that I am a better person now, that I've grown up and found a happy place where I can sit and enjoy myself.
But it also reminds me of how many of my problems are still around. These things that have been lingering for all this time still ride on my back and I've realized that they aren't going to leave until I make them. Looking back now, it's actually kind of embarrassing, some of the things that I've said. I'm not talking about just the distant past, but the immediate past is also filled with some things I regret.
That's what I want for myself, to always be in control. I look up to these guys that are always in control of the situation, no matter how many things fall down on them. That's what I want to be like. I want to be able to say, "Leave it to me," or "Don't worry, I'll protect you," and not be brushed aside like someone who can't handle it. Because, that's who I am. One thing that's stayed true to me through all these years is that I am a person who gains happiness through bringing happiness to others.
It's something that I pride myself in to this day, because I have yet to make a single real enemy that I regularly conflict with. It's something not too many people can say, isn't it? That you would go out of your way just to make someone else get a little bit of joy, even the slightest. And it's not like I don't find time for me, I'm a very happy person. I enjoy going to school. I appreciate the time I have with my friends because I know it won't last forever. I know what love is like, so I know what true bliss is. This is it, isn't it?
Which brings me to my reason for coming to you today, is that I've decided that I don't really want to continue doing this. My updates have been few and far between, but even when I find time out of my "busy" day to write something, I end up looking back and thinking about how that is not the real me at all. It's something I do often, if not all the time. So I am going to leave you with my last long entry, and pick it up once more to tell you about how this story ends. Because let's be honest, the curtains closing on this fiasco. This time next year I will be completely different. For better or for worse, right? Only time will tell.
Good night, true believers.