Blogtastic bloggishness
Hm. It would appear that no-one's actually splitting up. Yet. Dad and Jane seemed to have called a momentary truce, and are of "working things out". At least that's what Jane told me when I finally managed to get her by herself for a minute on Friday. Things aren't exactly peachy between them, says she, but they want to give the relationship
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Well you said some very generous things (but always remember this is the internet and, in truth, my real life is full of ups and downs).
Forgive my delay in replying - I'm in some discomfort right now because of a problem that's flared up in ... um ... my groin area - let's just say, you're unlikely ever to experience it (which is just as well!). So I've been out at the docs and trying to get it sorted.
I posted a few 'ideas' posts earlier today but I needed to be in the right frame of mind to stop and respond more personally to yours. So - let me try to...
Loads of people struggle with self-worth but I strongly believe that Godde feels positively and tenderly towards you and thinks you're completely worth it.
Also, even as a bystander who's never met you, I see real qualities in you - did from the first time I read one of your posts.
You ask about 'hope and a future' (good Jeremiah verse, that). Well, yes, I do believe that Godde (a) wants us to have hope (b) wants to accompany us along our journey and (c) wants to guide us to a future which is the outworking of our faith and love and who we are in Him.
But actually, I don't really buy into glib prosperity gospel stuff. I'm really conscious that Godde seems to have given me so much love and grace and sort of watched over me during my life. But I also believe - in this passing world - that bad things can happen to 'good' and 'bad' alike... (not that I'm suggesting christian automatically = 'good'). What I mean is, I think our call in this short life is not to get a free ride and avoid all troubles, but to find enrichment and integrity by walking with Godde along the way and trusting in Godde.
The 'trust' bit isn't always easy, agreed.
I do think over a period of time that you build up a trust based on long-term experience... all those recollected moments of grace and intervention... you kind of grow in your recognition of Godde - you can sort of spot Godde's presence and it becomes familiar. Doesn't prevent those moments of loss of trust, but I think as Godde becomes part of our day to day life over the years, it maybe gets easier to find and trust again.
Having said that, I run the risk of sounding trite, because I feel that so far my life has been 'charmed' in many ways, as if Godde has given me an easier than average journey... of course, at any time, that could change. None of us knows the challenges of the future. What we have is the here and now (and sometimes that can be uncertain and frustrating).
Oh, as I grow older I seem to reduce things down to fewer and fewer fundamental simplicities. Yah, I'm a fundamentalist, see :)... and the fundamentals, I think, are love and kindness. Those two things, along with out lives in relationship with Christ, are what bring our lives true meaning and fulfilment. And the invitation is there each day. Just little low-key acts of love (that I often forget to do, but should, because it's the best - absolutely best - way to live).
None of this (I realise) can address you - your own life - your present challenges - your longing for a good and happy future. Bless you, you deserve as much, and may very well find one, though the future rarely pans out exactly the way we planned it.
I just hope for you - that you stay true to yourself - avoid fakery - keep being honest - keep being creative and believing in that gift - but also believe in the greater gift I'm sure you also have... of a warm and passionate heart, a love of beauty (not sentimental or superficial beauty), and a deeply expressive power of communication.
Convert this greater gift (and the lesser one) into day-to-day acts of love, and you'll find a platform for grace, and a truth that flows deeper than just you yourself.
I have three teenage children, and I sometimes ache and fear for their futures, wondering what lies ahead. But I see some underlying love in who they are, and that more than anything else gives me hope for the future.
My same hope for you, E.
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Richard (S)
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