THE BUTT ACNE CLOSET!
I have a story to tell, and that is the story of butt pimples: I get them. My dad gets them. Right now, I have them REALLY REALLY BAD, oh LiveJournal readers. Can I show you one? Oh please.
I've gotten them intermittently since I was about 12. These fuckers survived accutane, they survived a few courses of erythromycin, they survived Oxycution and almond oil and what-fuck-all ever. There are a few more bodily secrets that I've been holding onto, but today I would like to come out of the butt-acne closet. I have butt acne! I do! It hurts to sit down sometimes!
Anyway, right now, I also have a yeast infection. And a small, itchy blister on my leg, which I'm pretty sure is impetigo. Hence, online research into the world of skin diseases...wonderful stuff! I have butt acne, impetigo, and candida albicans overwhelming my good bacteria, but did you know that I do not have flesh-eating fascitis? I do not have it. What about herpes simplex II? I may or may not have that one, but it looks like I might not express it! Anyway, after enough drifting on medical sights, it seems that I have yeasty buttocks. Oh yes indeed, folliculitis (ok, also hairy buttocks) due to Malassezia Furfur (also called Pityrosporum ovale), a yeasty motherfucking beasty! This is actually incredibly reassuring. Can I tell you how reassuring it is? I'm so stoked to know the key to my butt acne! It is also the key to:
-my tendency to get athlete's foot every single year at camp!
-my ability to get athlete's foot from living with a lifeguard who is not symptomatic herself!
-my weird abberent sandy yeast infection last year!
-my weird aberrent athletes foot in 2004 that looked like plantar's warts that didn't respond to wart medication!
-my dandruff! (which has strangely cleared in the last few years)
-while I'm at it, everytime I was annoying or irrational or spilled coffee in your car, that was probably yeast-related too!
I'm just incredibly succeptible to mycotic infections! I'm so happy. Please bake me a cake and write that in blue frosting on top. Here's to 13 years of gentically-predisposed mycotic hypersensitivity!
AND, and, most of the research distinguishing pityrosporum folliculits from acne vulgaris (also have that; thanks again, pops) has only come about in the last ten years. AND, most of it responds well to homeopathic(1) medicines(2) like aloe and meadowsweet and eucalyptus. Although just to be safe I took a few mgs of fluconazole I had lying around.
I think I want to shadow an herbalist for awhile.
I think I should maybe watch my sugar intake.
I think I am excited not to have red bumps on my ass.
I've gotten them intermittently since I was about 12. These fuckers survived accutane, they survived a few courses of erythromycin, they survived Oxycution and almond oil and what-fuck-all ever. There are a few more bodily secrets that I've been holding onto, but today I would like to come out of the butt-acne closet. I have butt acne! I do! It hurts to sit down sometimes!
Anyway, right now, I also have a yeast infection. And a small, itchy blister on my leg, which I'm pretty sure is impetigo. Hence, online research into the world of skin diseases...wonderful stuff! I have butt acne, impetigo, and candida albicans overwhelming my good bacteria, but did you know that I do not have flesh-eating fascitis? I do not have it. What about herpes simplex II? I may or may not have that one, but it looks like I might not express it! Anyway, after enough drifting on medical sights, it seems that I have yeasty buttocks. Oh yes indeed, folliculitis (ok, also hairy buttocks) due to Malassezia Furfur (also called Pityrosporum ovale), a yeasty motherfucking beasty! This is actually incredibly reassuring. Can I tell you how reassuring it is? I'm so stoked to know the key to my butt acne! It is also the key to:
-my tendency to get athlete's foot every single year at camp!
-my ability to get athlete's foot from living with a lifeguard who is not symptomatic herself!
-my weird abberent sandy yeast infection last year!
-my weird aberrent athletes foot in 2004 that looked like plantar's warts that didn't respond to wart medication!
-my dandruff! (which has strangely cleared in the last few years)
-while I'm at it, everytime I was annoying or irrational or spilled coffee in your car, that was probably yeast-related too!
I'm just incredibly succeptible to mycotic infections! I'm so happy. Please bake me a cake and write that in blue frosting on top. Here's to 13 years of gentically-predisposed mycotic hypersensitivity!
AND, and, most of the research distinguishing pityrosporum folliculits from acne vulgaris (also have that; thanks again, pops) has only come about in the last ten years. AND, most of it responds well to homeopathic(1) medicines(2) like aloe and meadowsweet and eucalyptus. Although just to be safe I took a few mgs of fluconazole I had lying around.
I think I want to shadow an herbalist for awhile.
I think I should maybe watch my sugar intake.
I think I am excited not to have red bumps on my ass.