glee rpf| It's the big things and the small ones
Title: It's the big things and the small ones
Author: ca_te
Pairing: Darren/Chris
Genre: Romance, Angst, Established relationship
Rating: R to be safe
Warnings: spoilers for ep 3x13 "Heart"
Notes: Part 10 of "The light that you carry inside" Series. Thanks to punkkitten2113 for the beta, the patience and the great advices! <3
Disclaimer: Nothing of this has happened in reality! It's all fictional!!
Darren has always had a weak point for little details, and his relationship with Chris is full of them. He is positively sure that he has never felt like this about anyone else before. And it’s not because he has never been in love; it’s the big and the small things, jumbled together that make him feel too much and leave him wanting more, because what he feels for Chris is too much for Darren’s heart to contain it. Too much not to give it the space it deserves.
*
Darren looks at Chris moving around in Kurt’s clothes, smiling and talking as he follows the script, and cannot tell where the line between him and Blaine blurs anymore. Because Darren looks at Chris and he feels the adoration and the affection that Blaine is supposed to feel for his first love. He is the one who gets to see Chris’ sleepy and beautiful smiles in the mornings, the one who gets to hold him close and whisper nonsense against the soft skin behind his left ear.
As they sing Love Shack, he knows that it’s not only Kurt smiling at Blaine, but Chris smiling right at him too- so brilliant that it is almost blinding, so perfect that it seems unreal.
When he grabs Chris’ tie, instead, his skin prickles with electricity and he feels overwhelmed with the memory of that night when he tied his milky wrists to the headboard and Chris had looked at him, his lips red and his eyes big like moons. Please, Dare, I want you so bad.
And there’s something incredibly perfect also in the way Chris pushes him against the door as soon as they come back home after shooting the episode whispering that he has wanted to kiss him all day while he jumped around the set, that stupid hat on his head. Chris’ hands are warm and gentle, and as the other man undresses him, Darren feels loved and safe, and he knows that he would be the happiest person on Earth if life was kind enough to him to allow them to be together for the years to come.
*
Darren thinks he could never grow tired of the way his skin feels warm all over when Chris let his fingers linger over Darren’s while handing him a cup of coffee during breaks, or the way Chris kisses him before they slip out of his apartment at some unholy hour to get to the studios.
He likes to know that when he is tired or his concentration is growing thin after hours of rehearsing choreography all he has to do is to lift his gaze and look at Chris. Sometimes Darren wonders if maybe he has become obsessed with observing the other man. He likes to catalogue the different ways Chris smiles or moves, depending on the mood; the different tones of his laughs and the changing color of his eyes.
Once, while they are lying on Darren’s bed, their legs tangled together and their heads resting on the same pillow, Darren asks Chris if he had this need to look at him too. He feels stupid asking such a question, but Chris simply leans forward and kisses him gently. Of course I do, Dare. I think you’re the most distracting thing in the whole universe.
*
Darren is positively sure that he is glowing with happiness when they stand slightly too close to each other when rehearsal ends and they are deciding which take away to order for dinner or knowing that his pink toothbrush is standing in a cup on the bathroom counter right next to Chris’ blue one and it’s there to stay.
That’s what Darren has always dreamt of, having someone to share every little thing with. But there are also moments when Darren feels too small to defend what he and Chris have.
Being with Chris is not only about his hands and his lips and his skin. And not about shared closets and beds.
Sometimes interviewers ask him about girlfriends and he says that no, he is single at the moment, wishing that he could let the world know that he is lucky enough to have Chris’ love, instead.
When it happens Chris never says anything, but Darren can always catch the darker shadow in his eyes. He knows that Chris deserves honesty, deserves to have someone who can hold his hand in public and smile at the camera saying that yes, they’re together.
He isn’t brave enough to face the world and Ryan and everyone yet, though, because it would mean having to endure so many questions and hear people expressing so many doubts and he wants to protect what he and Chris feel for each other from all that. It’s not as though he isn’t sure about what he feels for the other man- his love is nestled too deep inside of him to doubt it- but he isn’t sure about himself, about whether he could be strong enough to remain proud by Chris’ side through the uproar that going public would probably cause.
Chris never brings it up, but Darren isn’t stupid, and he knows that Chris is thinking about it when they go back home after one of these interviews and Chris’s fingers grip his hips a little bit tighter, even though not enough to bruise. As Chris moves a bit more roughly than usual inside of him, Darren wishes Chris’ fingernails could leave a mark on his skin, as his love has already done on his heart.
It never happens, though. In the morning his skin is like a blank canvas and Darren hates himself a bit, because he wants nothing more than letting Chris mark him and make everyone know that Darren is his, and yet he isn’t brave enough to do something about it.
*
It’s the small things; like drinking coffee together in the morning, talking about what they’ve dreamt of.
“And, like, we were running through this field, and there was a unicorn, Chris, a freaking unicorn!”
“You…I mean, I was there too?”
“Of course! You’re always there in my dreams, Chris.”
Looking at Chris, he thinks that his smile is the most amazing thing he has ever seen and decides that one day he’ll be able to make him smile like that in public, open and carefree because what other people think doesn’t matter.
And it’s the big things; like sinking inside Chris’s warmth, whispering promises against the smooth skin of his neck- “I’m yours”- and feeling Chris’s fingers pulling at his curls to bring their mouths together, his words getting lost in between their lips. I know.
Author: ca_te
Pairing: Darren/Chris
Genre: Romance, Angst, Established relationship
Rating: R to be safe
Warnings: spoilers for ep 3x13 "Heart"
Notes: Part 10 of "The light that you carry inside" Series. Thanks to punkkitten2113 for the beta, the patience and the great advices! <3
Disclaimer: Nothing of this has happened in reality! It's all fictional!!
Darren has always had a weak point for little details, and his relationship with Chris is full of them. He is positively sure that he has never felt like this about anyone else before. And it’s not because he has never been in love; it’s the big and the small things, jumbled together that make him feel too much and leave him wanting more, because what he feels for Chris is too much for Darren’s heart to contain it. Too much not to give it the space it deserves.
*
Darren looks at Chris moving around in Kurt’s clothes, smiling and talking as he follows the script, and cannot tell where the line between him and Blaine blurs anymore. Because Darren looks at Chris and he feels the adoration and the affection that Blaine is supposed to feel for his first love. He is the one who gets to see Chris’ sleepy and beautiful smiles in the mornings, the one who gets to hold him close and whisper nonsense against the soft skin behind his left ear.
As they sing Love Shack, he knows that it’s not only Kurt smiling at Blaine, but Chris smiling right at him too- so brilliant that it is almost blinding, so perfect that it seems unreal.
When he grabs Chris’ tie, instead, his skin prickles with electricity and he feels overwhelmed with the memory of that night when he tied his milky wrists to the headboard and Chris had looked at him, his lips red and his eyes big like moons. Please, Dare, I want you so bad.
And there’s something incredibly perfect also in the way Chris pushes him against the door as soon as they come back home after shooting the episode whispering that he has wanted to kiss him all day while he jumped around the set, that stupid hat on his head. Chris’ hands are warm and gentle, and as the other man undresses him, Darren feels loved and safe, and he knows that he would be the happiest person on Earth if life was kind enough to him to allow them to be together for the years to come.
*
Darren thinks he could never grow tired of the way his skin feels warm all over when Chris let his fingers linger over Darren’s while handing him a cup of coffee during breaks, or the way Chris kisses him before they slip out of his apartment at some unholy hour to get to the studios.
He likes to know that when he is tired or his concentration is growing thin after hours of rehearsing choreography all he has to do is to lift his gaze and look at Chris. Sometimes Darren wonders if maybe he has become obsessed with observing the other man. He likes to catalogue the different ways Chris smiles or moves, depending on the mood; the different tones of his laughs and the changing color of his eyes.
Once, while they are lying on Darren’s bed, their legs tangled together and their heads resting on the same pillow, Darren asks Chris if he had this need to look at him too. He feels stupid asking such a question, but Chris simply leans forward and kisses him gently. Of course I do, Dare. I think you’re the most distracting thing in the whole universe.
*
Darren is positively sure that he is glowing with happiness when they stand slightly too close to each other when rehearsal ends and they are deciding which take away to order for dinner or knowing that his pink toothbrush is standing in a cup on the bathroom counter right next to Chris’ blue one and it’s there to stay.
That’s what Darren has always dreamt of, having someone to share every little thing with. But there are also moments when Darren feels too small to defend what he and Chris have.
Being with Chris is not only about his hands and his lips and his skin. And not about shared closets and beds.
Sometimes interviewers ask him about girlfriends and he says that no, he is single at the moment, wishing that he could let the world know that he is lucky enough to have Chris’ love, instead.
When it happens Chris never says anything, but Darren can always catch the darker shadow in his eyes. He knows that Chris deserves honesty, deserves to have someone who can hold his hand in public and smile at the camera saying that yes, they’re together.
He isn’t brave enough to face the world and Ryan and everyone yet, though, because it would mean having to endure so many questions and hear people expressing so many doubts and he wants to protect what he and Chris feel for each other from all that. It’s not as though he isn’t sure about what he feels for the other man- his love is nestled too deep inside of him to doubt it- but he isn’t sure about himself, about whether he could be strong enough to remain proud by Chris’ side through the uproar that going public would probably cause.
Chris never brings it up, but Darren isn’t stupid, and he knows that Chris is thinking about it when they go back home after one of these interviews and Chris’s fingers grip his hips a little bit tighter, even though not enough to bruise. As Chris moves a bit more roughly than usual inside of him, Darren wishes Chris’ fingernails could leave a mark on his skin, as his love has already done on his heart.
It never happens, though. In the morning his skin is like a blank canvas and Darren hates himself a bit, because he wants nothing more than letting Chris mark him and make everyone know that Darren is his, and yet he isn’t brave enough to do something about it.
*
It’s the small things; like drinking coffee together in the morning, talking about what they’ve dreamt of.
“And, like, we were running through this field, and there was a unicorn, Chris, a freaking unicorn!”
“You…I mean, I was there too?”
“Of course! You’re always there in my dreams, Chris.”
Looking at Chris, he thinks that his smile is the most amazing thing he has ever seen and decides that one day he’ll be able to make him smile like that in public, open and carefree because what other people think doesn’t matter.
And it’s the big things; like sinking inside Chris’s warmth, whispering promises against the smooth skin of his neck- “I’m yours”- and feeling Chris’s fingers pulling at his curls to bring their mouths together, his words getting lost in between their lips. I know.