Glee rpf| The light that you carry inside Series
There are times when the lights on set splash over Darren’s features just so and the rest of the world seems to fade away. On those moments Chris is left holding his breath, clinging to the thin edge of reality because he can’t let himself feel like that.
Darren seems to shine in his white jacket, his movements smooth as his voice. Chris smiles and sings the backup lines, but his thoughts seem to belong to the line of Darren’s lips.
The more Kurt and Blaine become closer on stage, the more their relationship grows, the more Chris is afraid that he won’t be able to hold everything inside.
Oh, he has managed quite well so far; if you don’t count the drunken nights when his hand has found Darren’s way to easily, when Darren’s whispered “I shall take you home” have felt like promises to his delusional ears.
But when Blaine looks at Kurt with those eyes filled with adoration, when Blaine kisses Kurt, there’s this small part of Chris that tries to break free, to shout to the world that, yes, Darren has somehow crawled under his skin and is there to stay.
Darren keeps being his usual self, all pent up energy and big smiles; he keeps trying to spend most of their free time together. The problem is that with every smiles, with every hug, with every shared joke, something more settles at the bottom of Chris’ heart and doesn’t go away.
They finish shooting the scene and Darren beams at him, all white teeth and affection. Chris doesn’t even try to deny the warmth spreading through his bones. He smiles back and when Darren walks up to him and hugs him, high with the excitement of singing, Chris allows himself to sink a bit in the hug.
It doesn’t matter if his heart skips a beat as Darren’s arms tighten slightly around him; in the end he is the only one to know the truth.