bbc merlin| As a forgotten continent (Epilogue)
The past again…
Epilogue
You disembark the latest flight from paradise You almost turn your ankle on the snow You fall back into where you started Make up words to songs you used to know So... Alright, I can say what you want me to, Alright, I can do all the things you do, Alright, I'll make it all up for you, I'm still in love with you.
Heart- Stars
Sometimes Arthur was scared by the weight which destiny had put on his shoulders. To become king of Albion was something which he had never dreamt of before Merlin had come, telling him about destiny and dragons and invincible swords. He had believed in everything that Merlin had told him. He had learnt to do that, to trust Merlin, since the day when he had discovered his lover’s powers. He knew that Merlin would never lie to him, that he would never abandon him. Merlin was his stone and his support. He was by his side as he tried to be a good king as Gwen was queen. They were his companions and his friends.
But, well, Merlin was something more. He was his other half. Arthur was sure of that. Because it hurt to be away from him, because even when they weren’t together he could sense Merlin. Arthur liked to think that that was their special kind of magic.
*
One of the first things that Arthur did as a king was to abolish his father’s law against magic. The smile on Merlin’s features as he gave him the news made something warm spread along his veins. When they made love that night, Merlin was glowing against the bed sheets. As Arthur sank deep into him he felt as if he was drowning into the moon. His heart jumped into his chest, aching with love and the desire to always keep Merlin there.
Sometimes Arthur was taken aback by the way Merlin had become the axis of his world. He was his first thought in the morning and his last thought in the evening. It was what kept him fighting when he was in the middle of a battle, more than the need to protect Camelot, more than honour. It was Merlin, always.
*
They were both grown up men, Camelot was at its apex and Arthur had never stopped loving Merlin. Indeed he had come to love him more as they both had been growing up into the men that they were supposed to be. Merlin shone so brightly and Arthur made him his one and only guiding light. Sometimes he would think about the time when they would be separated. It hurt to think about that so he pushed that thought aside most of the time.
Once, they were lying on Arthur’s bed. Outside the night was deep and blue. It was raining and the sound of their breaths mixed up with the sound of the raindrops hitting the thick glass of the windows. Merlin was sitting by Arthur’s side, his bare skin seemed almost golden in the light of the candles.
Arthur took Merlin’s hand into his and for an instant he hoped that they could be alive again in a time when he could marry the man whom he loved so much. Merlin turned to look at him and smiled. It was tender and open and it made Arthur want to make love to him again. He cleared his throat and cleared his heart.
“Merlin, you’re so special that I’m sure that you’ll be able to transcend time. And with you also my love for you will transcend it.”
Merlin looked at him in silence for a while. His magic unfolded inside of him as the meaning of Arthur’s words sank into him. He leaned forward until they were just few inches away. He took in Arthur’s features, his azure eyes and his firm jaw. He knew the man lying beside him better than himself and yet it was always fascinating to look at his strength, at his depth. Merlin knew perfectly that he would love Arthur till the day of his death, because Arthur was what made him complete. Arthur was more than his destiny, he was his life.
He kissed him gently, moving his lips in a slow dance which Arthur joined.
“I promise you that my love will always be yours. My soul will always be with yours.”
As Arthur tenderly made love to him, Merlin thought that he only had one desire, to never be separated from Arthur, to keep finding him again and again. He hoped that destiny could grant his wish.
*
He screamed that same wish the day Arthur died. He screamed and cried his love through the fog; his tears falling on the dry ground. It all felt so incredibly wrong. Destiny couldn’t have planned it, couldn’t have planned to tear apart two halves of the same whole. It was unnatural. It was unfair. Merlin looked at Arthur’s eyes, already clouded by the shadows of a place where he couldn’t accompany him. It broke Merlin’s heart to know that he couldn’t do anything, that he couldn’t bring Arthur back. They simply looked at each other; Arthur’s hand was gripping the fabric of Merlin’s tunic just over his heart. Merlin wanted to say that Arthur would always have his heart, because it simply couldn’t belong to any one else. Instead he leant down and pressed his lips against Arthur’s. They tasted of blood and loss. The moment he realised that that was going to be the last time that he kissed Arthur his magic burst all around, enveloping the both of them.
Arthur’s eyes were full of regret and longing. He cleared his throat and forced out the words.
“I…I don’t want to let you go.”
Merlin didn’t even try to stop the tears, he let them run and fall on Arthur’s bloodied cheeks. He passed a hand through the dirtied golden strands of his hair. He knew that Arthur would always be his prince, his king, his love. There was nothing that could change that, not even death. He whispered against Arthur’s dry lips, afraid that otherwise the wind could wipe away his words.
“You’ve to. But don’t worry, we’ll find each other again, we always will, Arthur.”
He tried to suppress the sobs which were shaking his insides but they rolled over Arthur’s pale features anyway. Arthur weakly traced the lines of Merlin’s cheekbone. Merlin leaned into the touch, finding in it the memory of all the touches which they had shared. Merlin kissed the palm of Arthur’s hand. He watched as his king, his destiny, closed his eyes and he gently whispered those words one more time.
“I’ll find you, Arthur.”
And then he was sure of that, he knew that it would happen and he was ready for it. He was ready to live a thousand lives if it meant finding Arthur again a thousand of times.
Time kept passing, the Earth kept turning around the sun and Merlin’s hand kept reaching out for Arthur’s. It was like their personal dance, their personal kind of magic.
In the end it wasn’t easy to separate two souls when they were two sides of the same coin. The End
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