Chapter 6 - Amnesia

Aug 08, 2004 10:51

Disclaimers: Neither the idea of Harry Potter nor the characters belong to me in any way. They are the sole property of JKR. I do not make any money of this story either.

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Chapter 6 - Repairing the Damage

Standing in a clearing of the Forbidden Forest, Severus looked at Albus with a calm clarity he had not felt for a long time. The pain that had been his steady companion since the last battle was gone for now and the prospect of seeing a Harry who actually remembered him, delighted him.



At a hand-sign of Albus they both started chanting. The Tempus Vita spell was a complicated one. A single mistake could wipe out an entire village. The spell had to be performed by two wizards; it connected them to one another for the duration of the spell. The one staying behind would function as an anchor, a lifeline to the present. The special thing about the tempus vita was, that the travelling wizard or witch would not appear in the past twice, they occupied only one body, the past mind being suppressed, but aware of what was happening. After the traveller had gone back to their own time the occupied wizard would view all actions like they had done everything themselves.

Any changes would be incorporated into the time flow and, once the traveller returned and the two participating wizards left the protective time bubble, they would be embraced by the new timeline and forget everything else. This was the danger with the whole concept. You could never foresee if changes made in a distant past would not accumulate over time and hit the present time, like an avalanche hit a mountain village. The small truth to the cascade effect was, that some of the changes were erratic, but the postulate of a destruction of the whole universe was - as Albus put it - the smallest bit of an exaggeration. He had worn the expression of a mischievous schoolboy when he had pointed that out and Severus had had severe problems suppressing a smile.

Both Snape and Dumbledore had spent the past week practising the spell and collecting all the ingredients needed for the potions. They had chosen a secluded place in the Forbidden Forest for the spell; aware of the consequences to themselves and to Hogwarts should they be unable to pull it off without complications.

They felt the power around them like a lighting storm, the protective time bubble had already been established, and it was nothing but an uneven, billowing sphere around them. Ten metres in diameter it encircled the clearing and immersed the darkness into a light blue shimmer. It misplaced them for the duration of the spell, protecting the anchor by putting him out of time itself.

Snape could feel the effects of the spell before they even finished the first incantation. Light-headedness engulfed him and he felt a tug on his whole body. Nothing at all like a Portkey but eerily similar at the same time. While the Portkey seemed to start it’s pull in the vicinity of his belly; the spell pulled every cell of his body at the same time and it felt like it pulled them into different directions as well. Not exactly painful it still was an unaccustomed sensation. Every part of his body prickled and itched but he was unable to move. The only thing he could do was continuing with the incantation, following Dumbledore’s lead and flowing along in the almost trancelike condition the spell had put them both in.

The blue of the sphere grew more intense with every stanza they intoned. Suddenly the prickling grew unbearable and Snape felt like he was torn apart by a power far greater than he had ever encountered. His part of the spell was done at any rate and he could allow himself to drift into the sea of pain that he had been pushed into. Not hearing his own screams of pain the spell finally catapulted him back in time.

***

Coming to Snape realised he was in the middle of a potions class. The children were looking at him with big eyes and seemed scared out of their minds. His thought processes were working only very slowly, the after-effects of the incredible pain; but he felt the cool stonewall of the dungeons in his back, his hands raised to his face as if trying to protect himself from something unbearable. *Damn.* His knees felt weak and he was not sure how long he would still be able to keep upright. “Class dismissed.” His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. No wonder that the children were frightened; he must have screamed like he was ripped apart. Which - in a way - he had been.

The children did not move an inch. “I said: class dismissed.” The ice in his voice and the promise of detention - if they did not comply immediately - that was transported by his patented glare, got them going faster than he had expected. They filed out as docilely as he was used to, just faster. Sliding down the wall when the door closed, Snape unclenched his hands, acknowledging the shaking for a second, before he clutched at his knees, leaning his head back. He allowed himself to breathe deeply, letting the last vestiges of pain drain out of him.

Even knowing what would happen had not prepared him for the level of agony. Not even the Cruciatus came close to this; and he had been subjected to that curse more times than he cared to count. Even having known about the pain had not made it more bearable. The only thing he drew a small comfort of was, that he would no longer need to wonder why so many wizards attempting this spell went mad in the process.

“Severus?”

He looked up, but not even if someone had threatened to kill him he would have been able to get up off the ground, never mind aiming a wand at them without missing a target as big as the huge entrance door of Hogwarts. Harry was standing in front of him, a very worried expression on his face and his wand at the ready. “I am fine.” He did not dare use his first name. The spell might have gone awry. Most of the targeting was left to the wizard that was supposed to do the travelling. The excruciating pain made it hard to do so and in the experiments this had often led to aiming at the wrong time.

Within a moment Harry’s whole bearing changed, his ready-for-battle stance grew into one that screamed ‘are you kidding’. Arms crossed in front of him and right foot tapping impatiently he snorted. “Fine? Severus, the children came running to me, saying you were in pain and sent them out 5 minutes into the class. Fine?”

“I would like to know about that as well, my boy.”

*Damn.* Dumbledore had joined Harry, but he looked more relaxed and less ready to throttle the Potion Master. There was a set expression on both faces and Severus knew without doubt he had to think fast.

“It is nothing.” He forced himself to get up and stop shaking, even though this was the hardest thing he had done in his whole life. His body was running on pure willpower and there was no doubt he would collapse once he was alone. *Just a little longer.* He just had to do this a few minutes more and he could crawl into a corner and recuperate. “The children are easily spooked.” Cursing himself for not paying closer attention to the faces of the students, he made good of his escape when he reached the door. He barely heard the two men he left discuss what had just happened. Both of them knew him too well not to look through his ruse if he gave them enough time to dwell on it. But right now he did not have the energy to do anything.

Only the fact that he did not need to pay any attention to where he was going brought him to the right door. Severus Snape had taught so many years at Hogwarts that his feet knew the right way all by themselves. It was beyond him how he managed to still glare at any student crossing his way, but once he slid down the stone wall in one of the corners of his living room, he felt relief wash over him.

This part of the suite he lived in looked like it always had. At least as far as he could tell. Harry had never changed anything in the living room. No photos, mementos, new furniture, nothing. He had pretty much taken over all the other rooms at one point or another, but left the living room like it had been.

He had claimed that he liked it how it was and had just given him a patient look if the question came up again. Like he expected Snape to find out for himself.

Head leaning against the cold stone wall Snape put together his priority list. One, find out what time it was. Two, continue as normal as possible in whichever time he was now in.

The only clue to number one was the way the children had alarmed not only Albus, but Harry too. He was obviously already DADA teacher at Hogwarts. Hence the earliest it could be was 3 years ago.

An expression of utmost concentration on his face, Severus Snape used a nearby table to heave himself upright and struggled along the wall into the next room.

Instead of the Gryffindor colours he had expected, the kitchen was as it had been for years before Harry had ever set foot into Hogwarts. It was a relatively large room, empty but for a small table. Snape had never seen the reason to have his own kitchen when the house elves were more than happy to bring him a snack or a meal whenever he required it.

Now he missed the cosy kitchenette Harry had brought in. He already dreaded the way the rest of the flat was going to look like. Before Harry, most of the apartment had been bare bones. Functional but not personal at all.

More stumbling than walking through the doorway to the bedroom he peeled himself out of his robes. They were wet with sweat and clung uncomfortably to his skin. Unlike usually, he just dropped them in front of the bed and crawled in. As soon as his head hit the pillow he slipped into a dreamless sleep.

***

A loud banging against the door to his apartment woke Snape up, startling him into jumping up. His surroundings unsettled him for just a moment when the events from the day before rushed back into his conscience. “Merlin.” He scrambled to the wardrobe, grabbed a fresh robe and pulled it on while he was already on his way. Making sure he was decent he opened the door just when Harry Potter was about to knock again.

“What do you want.”

Harry stared at him for a second in disbelief then schooled his face into an expression of disapproval. “Let me see, you run out of the first class of the day, then you don’t turn up to all your other classes, lunch and dinner. You don’t answer your fire and Albus’ attempts to talk to you don’t work either.” He was tapping his foot again and definitely irritated.

“Look, it’s none of your business.” He was relieved at the lack of bitterness in his voice. The problem was that he had not really meant this, he did want it to be Harry’s problem.

“You are a teacher of the same institution as I am. It *is* my business if you are unable to pursue your work adequately.” Harry’s voice was devoid of emotion. He was wearing the same face that he always wore when he did not want anyone to find out what he was thinking. “You have no right to jeopardize the school and you going off the bend would certainly not be the right picture we want to present the parents.”

Feeling his calmness running through his fingers like sand he glared at the impertinent younger man. “I believe you are using the wrong language to address me, Professor Potter.” Anger practically seared through his veins. He had forgotten how his Harry had the gift to enrage him with a simple sentence or glance only. “And before you think that your opinion means anything to me, let me inform you of a fact. You are not the headmaster. If anyone has the right to reprimand me for being lax in my duties it is Albus and not an upstart like you.” Even in his livid state he could not believe he had actually voiced that out loud. The point at which he could have apologised with grace had been passed and there was no way to turn back now.

Harry’s face was expressionless, but his eyes were burning holes into his counterpart. “I do not think you have any idea what you are talking about, Severus. After the talk we had a week ago I presumed we were having something akin to a partnership. If I was mistaken, I’m profoundly sorry. But behaving like an eleven-year old just to prove a point that is not even worth proving is so far below you that I did not expect anything that cold-blooded or below the belt from you. I don’t think I want to see you tomorrow for dinner anymore, *Professor* Snape. Consider the invitation nullified. Don’t dare to show your face.”

Standing in the doorway, his robes uncomfortable on his naked skin Snape stared after the man he had missed for over a year and realised that he had just lost him before he actually had him.

***

Frustrated Severus Snape banged the door to the potions classroom. For two weeks he had now tried to make amends. Fifteen days to be scrupulously honest. Nothing had helped. He had even tried to say ‘sorry’ to Harry but the other teacher had just nodded once and then he had turned to leave.

Snape felt like an idiot. The dinner they had shared that evening had been the start of a year of courtship on Harry’s side. No matter what he had done, Harry had not allowed him to dissuade him from his goal. Now it seemed that Snape had destroyed any hopes to have the relationship they had shared in his memory. And even that would be forgotten once he left the protective time bubble the spell had created.

Sitting at his desk in the potions classroom Snape had put his head onto the wood. It ached from the problems he had created himself and the problems he had come to eliminate. It was late in the evening, but his students had handed in essays that day. He did not feel like sleeping anyway. Or eating. Stalking through the castle he had caught the phrase ‘demented bat’ quite a few times. Normally he would have made the lives of the pupils hell, but he did not feel like it. For a week he wanted nothing more than to crawl to bed, curl up in a tight ball and stay there until the end of the school year.

“Severus?”

Inwardly groaning Snape looked up to see Dumbledore in front of the table. He had not even noticed the headmaster enter. It was more than a little disturbing.

“Severus, my boy, are you sure you are alright?” Concern was clearly visible in Dumbledore’s face.

For a second Snape thought about denying that he was unwell and sending the man off without the answers he was clearly searching for. “No, Albus, I am anything but ‘alright’.” He let his head sink back down on the table and closed his eyes in misery. “I managed to destroy everything. Nothing is going to be like it is supposed to be.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning and tell me what happened.” The headmaster picked a chair in the front row and sat down while watching his Potion Master with a slight twinkling in his eyes.

Pondering his options Severus decided that he would have to do this at one point anyway. Time was starting to run through his fingers. “I said something to Harry that was not exactly the nicest thing to say.”

“You have been acting strange lately, Severus, and you aren’t telling me everything. I believe I could be able to help you, if you just choose to be honest to me and give me all the information I need.”

Sighing Severus raised his head once again and regarded the headmaster with a tired look. Looking at all the problems ahead of them he knew there was no other way but trusting Albus to help him as he always had done. “I am not the Severus Snape you think I am, Albus. 3 years into the future I will use the Tempus Vita spell to return to the past to fix what went wrong. You are my anchor in the future.”

Albus face turned serious, but he remained silent as he regarded Snape, probably trying to find a difference to the Severus Snape he knew. After a lengthy silence he nodded to prompt Snape to continue with his story.

“We are in dire need of any help we can get. While we won the battle we seem to be unable to win the war. Not only are the Death Eaters posing an ever growing threat now that they believe Voldemort to be dead and buried, we found out that the Dark Lord is not completely banished. Something went badly wrong when Harry fought him.” Watching his old friend and mentor closely Snape noted a slight stiffening of his back at the mention of their nemesis. “Death Eater activity went up 500%, Muggles in the wizarding world and Wizards of mixed heritage started vanishing a year ago. The death-rate went through the roof, some old bloodlines are dying out and the ministry is completely helpless.” He paused and got up to pace the room, gathering his thoughts.

“You are under a bit of a time pressure while you are here.” Albus’ voice was calm, but his gaze was like steel. “How much time do you have left, Severus?”

Coming to a sudden stop in the middle of the room he had taught dozens of students in Severus swirled around to face Albus. “Not nearly enough to accomplish what you asked of me. Three more months before I have to return to my time.”

Albus got up to put a hand on Severus shoulder, “You should have told me all this earlier. You know I would have done everything in my power to help you. What is it you have been sent to change?”

***

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hp, amnesia, fanfic

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