Chapter 9 - Amnesia
Disclaimers: Neither the idea of Harry Potter nor the characters belong to me in any way. They are the sole property of JKR. I do not make any money of this story either.
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Chapter 9 - Homecoming
***
Bound to the bed as he was, Severus could not run after Harry. All he could do was lie in bed, wondering why he had left in such a hurry. He had mostly slept for the past few hours, ever since they had caught him. Temperament running away with him, the wild magic he usually kept tightly controlled, escaped in the form of whirlwinds. The state of the infirmary was a sorry one and he prided himself to be the one responsible for it.
Casting his mind back he reviewed why he had not been able to leave this place when he had the chance to do so.
"Poppy, I must insist you let me go. Now." His voice was nothing but a growl. It did not intimidate the medi-witch at all.
Severus Snape was half sitting half lying on the hospital bed Harry had levitated him into. The black robes he had worn were lying on the floor under it and the Potion Master felt out of his depth. Even in the years he had spent as a spy he had rarely gone to the infirmary. His knowledge of potions had saved him those irksome trips after he had angered Voldemort. Simply treating himself was far easier than trying to appease an upset Pomfrey. For whatever reason, she thought he needed cosseting and attention far more than the students. She tended to flutter around him all the time. Not the way to improve his mood. Hence self-treating the effects of the Cruciatus curse had become one of Severus specialities over the years.
"You need the rest. Albus can wait." She was still holding the bottle with the sleeping potion out to him. One of his best brews, he could tell from the label. When he did not take hold of it immediately, she put it onto the bedside table. Walking to her office, her anger showing in her stride, she raised her voice loud enough for Severus to hear her clearly, "If that bottle is still full when I return to tuck you in, I will force feed it's contents to you."
Shaking his head, Severus threw back the thin duvet that covered him and swung his legs over the left side. He had every intention of walking out of the infirmary in the next few minutes, come what may. The room spun for a while, his body was exhausted from the injuries and what Pomfrey had done to repair the damage. "I don't have the time for this," he muttered irritably. Every time he came to the infirmary in the past, the first thing the medi-witch did was take away his clothes. All of them. He was only wearing a skimpy hospital-shift. It was too short, and the cold air on his backside was uncomfortable. From earlier experiences he knew that Pomfrey would have hidden everything wearable when he had been dozing earlier.
His bare feet touched the stone-floor and even though he knew that the broken leg was healed, he winced in expectation of pain that never came. After that, getting up was easy. He briefly bent down to retrieve his tattered robe with the precious contents and made for the door with his usual long strides. He was in the doorway when he heard the screech of outrage from behind and decided to run for freedom.
"Severus!"
He knew Pomfrey would be in hot pursuit. She had his wand, but there was no way she would fire curses at him, not after all the work she had had with fixing his injuries. Already out of breath he still harboured the hope of making it down to the dungeons before she caught up to him. Grateful for the empty corridors - it would absolutely not do for anyone to see his bare bottom - he skidded to a halt in front of the staircase that would lead him almost to the door to his classroom. There was a change of clothes down there and Pomfrey would not dare drag him out of his home-turf.
"Severus! What a pleasant surprise to see you." The voice came from behind and held more laughter than the situation warranted.
Almost afraid to turn to face the witness of his flight - but instantly aware of his state of undress - Severus whirled around to face none other than the Headmaster. "Albus." He nodded curtly and then threw a nervous glance into the direction he had come from.
Standing on the last step of the staircase he had just descended, Albus looked Severus up and down with knowing eyes. "I see you were in too much of a hurry to leave the infirmary. Poppy would have given you something to change into, had you waited for her."
*I sincerely doubt that,* he thought but nodded in spite of himself. "I was in a hurry, Albus." It was true. He hastily reached into the pocket of the tattered robe he was holding in his left hand and retrieved pollen, seed and teeth, pressing the full containers into Albus' hands. "I needed to talk to you, the debriefing is important. Harry knows everything now." He was swaying on his feet and in his exhaustion and with the need to explain everything, Albus' waving his wand went unnoticed.
"Sorry, Severus, but I believe you belong into bed and in Poppy's care."
The last thing he felt was Albus catching him before he fell onto the floor or down the staircase. His half-aware mind was marvelling at the strength in the old wizard. "Albus..." He tried to explain, but the world went black and he drifted off not even half-way through the sentence.
"Are you calmer now, Severus?" Pomfrey stuck her head inside the curtains, a put upon look on her face. Terrorised by her patient she had hid in her office while the wind had howled relentlessly through the large room. Severus almost felt sorry for her.
He raised an arm to scratch his nose without conscious thought and like before he came short of his face. Sighing he looked at the medi-witch pleadingly, "I'm a grown man, Poppy. Let me go."
She stepped through the gap in the curtains and he saw that she not only had his wand, but also a bundle of clothes with her. "Here, get out before I decide to put you to sleep for the rest of the day." The bounds fell loose at a gesture and she almost threw the clothes on the foot end of the bed. "You're a nuisance when you are sick and in need of care, Severus. So try to evade the rocks next time. Or push Harry in front of yourself instead of out of the way, he is a much better patient than you are. Now get out of my infirmary."
Out of bed with an uncanny speed and already half-dressed Severus did not spare a look as Pomfrey turned around and stalked back to her office, muttering about ungrateful people using Severus as an example.
***
Striding through the corridors at a much more dignified speed now, he did not even contemplate going to his classroom or office in the dungeon. Instead he used the less travelled ways to reach the teacher's wing and the sanctuary of his quarters.
"Did you break out again?"
Startled Severus swirled around. Harry Potter was leaning against the wall and looked like he had been there for quite some time. "No."
He pushed himself off the wall and walked to Severus, right into his private space. "You need to go back to your time."
Wincing at the urgency in Harry's voice Severus silently conceded that he was right. He had lingered far too long in this time already, the pressure had steadily built and in a day or two he would be crippled with a building pain. In a week he would not only be in a coma but also perilously close to death. Just looking at Harry reminded him of the one in the future, who kept staring at him without recognition in his eyes, comatose and possessed by Voldemort. "I need to stay until I know that Hermione and Ron will stay alive." Fear was a nasty feeling. Severus did not like it one bit.
"I talked to Hermione and Ron this morning, they are both overjoyed to come back home. She is looking forward to work together with you." He sighed and brushed some stray hair out of his eyes, an achingly familiar gesture. "Look, Severus, I know how this spell works and your death is the last thing I want. If you don't go voluntarily I will ask Albus to chain you to a bed again and send you back." He hesitated before he stepped even closer, their bodies almost touching but not quite, "You've done what you came back for. We are warned, we are together and we will plan. I will be waiting for you on the other end."
"If you can't change it, life is not worth going back to," he whispered brokenly, opening up all the pain to the outside for the first time since Harry had vanished. "I tried it, but I just missed you too much." How can one live without his soul? "Albus would not allow me to leave; he forced food down my throat in those first few weeks. Without him you would not have a place to return to. If it does not work, I will be back. You know I will be back." Finally he reached out with his right hand, brushing it unsteadily and gently through the unruly hair of his soul mate.
A soft smile bloomed on Harry's face and he leaned into the touch. "After the debriefing with Albus you will return to you own time." His soft expression did nothing to belie the order.
"Since when have I ever listened to you, Harry?" He did not want to go back to the future to see Harry lying in an isolated room and Albus hovering near it with wrath on his mind. The thought made him physically ill.
"I won't take no for an answer. You know I won't, so why make this harder on yourself?" Reaching out in turn, Harry's hand settled on Severus' shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Albus will be back tomorrow, he has been called to London." The implication was clear.
Harry had always been the more stubborn of the two in most areas. Like Severus' wellbeing. While the older man always insisted he could take care of himself, he never won an argument on that basis. The hand moved from his shoulder to allow the thumb to rub the sensitive skin of his neck. Clearing his voice nervously Severus closed his eyes for a second before looking back into Harry's. In a split second he decided that it was time he seized the moment, "Would you like to have lunch with me?"
"It's dinner-time." Those emerald eyes danced with suppressed laughter, happy at being asked.
"Dinner then."
Harry smiled softly, nodded and let go of him. "That would be wonderful." They stood like that for a few moments, looking into each other's eyes, Severus' hand in Harry's hair. Then they separated hesitantly and the Potion Master led the DADA teacher into his quarters.
Severus stayed at the door, watching Harry look around the living room for the first time. He was picking up the odds and ends the Potion Master had strewn across shelves and tables. The memory of a similar happening resurfaced, as Harry slowly made his way through the room.
"I never thought you'd keep so much ... stuff."
Frowning Severus strode to Harry's side, looking down at what he was holding. "It's not stuff, they are mementos." Taking the stone from Harry's fingers he stroked it gently before putting it back to its place. "My nephew gave me this before he died. I kept it to remind me of him."
Harry put his hand over Severus', "I understand." They looked at each other for an endless moment before Harry pointed at another memento, a jewellery box set with emeralds. "What about this one?"
"It was my mother's. All of my parents' possessions went to me when they died." His voice was steady and he was thankful for it. "My brother's whole family predeceased them. There is no-one else left but cousins and other distant relatives."
"Don't you have any happy mementos? Are they all linked to death?" He asked in a soft voice, turning them both away from the clutter with determination, a hand firmly on Severus' back.
He pondered the question seriously, his mind going through a mental inventory. "No, most of these are memories of friends and family who do no longer exist." He hesitated a moment as he looked around, "They are here to remind me of past mistakes."
"Not everything in your past is automatically a mistake, Severus. I am not a mistake, am I?" There was a high amount of teasing in his voice that made Severus puzzle for a moment. People did not tease or joke around him.
"Harry, you are no mistake -" His voice broke. "No mistake," he repeated in a whisper. Longing to be held and touched he stepped closer to the first human being he had ever invited to his rooms. Albus never asked, he just passed through his wards like a breeze and upturned his plans like he upturned his life once in a while.
"Are you okay, Severus?"
Shaking his head to rid himself of the cobwebs of memories, he found himself staring at Harry's face, which was a mere inch away from his. A sudden longing tugged on his raw feelings and he leaned in closer. Their lips touched gently, caressing and without urgency. It felt like the most natural thing he had done in ages and his hands slid in place on Harry's back without any help from his mind at all.
The kiss grew more frantic and deeper until Harry came up for air. Eyes closed, lips swollen slightly and cheeks flushed he almost looked edible and Severus had to reign in his raging libido not to pounce him there and then. It just was not right. This was not how it had been in his past; Harry was the pursuer and Severus the pursued.
"Harry."
His eyes snapped open and the glasses magnified his eyes. "Yes," he asked breathlessly.
Severus cleared his throat, "I want you." Blinking a couple of times he tried to find out why he had voiced that errant thought. He had intended to say something completely different, to withdraw and let Harry and his past self sort it out between themselves. It was too late now to take it back.
Moaning helplessly Harry tried to get even closer; pushing Severus in the direction he knew the bedroom was located at the same time. Every suit in the teachers' wing had the same build-up. Washed away by the passion he was feeling, Severus went willingly, allowing Harry to kiss him senseless at the same time.
The next thing he was aware of was Harry pushing him backwards, the edge of the bed at his knees. The younger wizard crawled on top of him in a heartbeat. He kissed his lips chastely only once, then moved on to caress every bit of revealed skin with his lips. Kissing, biting and licking he moved down to the collar that refused him access to Severus' chest.
It was all a haze of passion and lust to Severus. The only thing he was aware of was the heated touch of Harry's mouth and the searing of his fingers as he was undressed in a rush. Lying on his king-sized bed, Harry Potter on top of him, pinning him down and halfway to crying with happiness he felt like he belonged.
"No," he whimpered, even though every part of him screamed for more. "Harry, no." He pulled Harry's head away from the sensitive spot he had been nibbling on and up to face him. "We cannot do this." Breathless and tingling all over, not doing this was the last thing he wanted. It felt like betrayal to his Harry too much.
"Why not?" The question was breathed into Severus' ear, followed by a gentle bite underneath.
Trying to think was an immense effort, "It's not right, I'm not the right man."
Harry sat up on top of him, looking down quizzically. "What do you mean 'I'm not the right man'? Of course you are I've been trying to get you to open up to me for months now." His eyes were dilated with checked passion but he was listening.
"You are not my Harry." Severus did not want to hurt this man, but it just wasn't right to just jump to bed together. Not like this. Not now.
Climbing off the bed, Harry straightened his rumpled clothes. He blushed slightly, turning away from Severus, who was leaning on his elbows. The Potion Master's robes were unbuttoned to his navel, his hair in disarray, bite marks along his neck.
"I think I'd better go now, Severus," he said calmly, looking presentable again.
The older wizard watched Harry walk to the door, his mind blank. It took a few minutes before he jumped up and ran after him. "Harry!" He was out of the front door before he remembered his state of dress. "I love you."
The DADA teacher turned around, a crooked smile on his face, "I love you, too." They hugged, each knowing it would be the last time. "I've always loved you and I always will. You know, I'm a very patient man."
Clinging to Harry like he was the only thing between life and death Severus just nodded into Harry's shoulder. He knew he would embarrass himself if he said anything now.
"Oh. My. God."
The squeaky voice cut through the serenity of the moment like a chainsaw through an iron post. Blast it. He stepped away from Harry and touched his cheek lovingly for a moment. With a swish of his still half-undone robes he turned and fled into his quarters, leaving Harry to deal with the two pupils who were standing at the corner.
***
The pull to return had become stronger and stronger during the last 24 hours. It was a sensation between a limb that had fallen asleep and a sore muscle. Severus had only stayed so long because he knew he would remember nothing of it after he had returned. Blessed Oblivion.
Whatever he changed in the past, his returning younger self would believe he had done it on his own volition. Everything said about the future, would be either ignored or purged from memory. Not even Harry and Albus would remember every detail. What they had set in motion over the last day was inexorably going to hit the future like a loose stone that started a landslide.
His injuries healed and Poppy certificating him complete health with an aggressive growl had been the go ahead for his return. The important things were in motion. Harry would live and remember.
Clinging to that thought he silently made his way through the Forbidden Forest. He did not dare to return to his time in the castle, the wards were too strong; they might interfere with the magic he was about to work. The next clearing he found was suitable and he started preparing. He walked in a large circle, dropping crystals as he went.
With a sigh he put down the cans of different colours in the middle of his protecting crystals, the brush lying lightly in his hand. Dipping it determinately into the white colour he started the pattern. White, blue and red lines - arranged into a complex pattern on the green grass - his lifeline home. Albus had painted a mirrored one in their time.
Stretching his back out, he became aware of a person standing in the gloom outside his brightly lit crystal circle. "You should not have come, Harry." He immersed the brush into the white colour, the order of every line burnt into his memory. "It would be easier for both of us if you had stayed at the castle."
"And that is what you want? Easy? Oh Severus, if you wanted simple you would never have lived with me." He stepped up to the circle, keeping his distance nevertheless but now bathed into the warm, orange light they emitted. "I had to come. Someone should see you off, don't you think?"
Happy with the placement of the last line he cleaned his brush with a simple spell and put it back into the pocket he had taken it from. The small tins of colour were sealed off easily with magic and vanished into the robe as well. "Thanks," he whispered and stepped up to the barrier, laying his hand against the orange light. "Take care of yourself. Ron and Hermione, too. Bring them safe home from the battle."
Harry nodded seriously, his hand rising up to lie on the other side of the now material barrier, unable to touch Severus. "I will. Always, Severus."
"Always." I love you. Always. I went on a journey through time for you. I would again. His thoughts were left unsaid but they were reflected in Harry's eyes. A stranger from the future he had to leave now, or die. The spell was set in motion and the only way to get out of it alive was to finish it.
Turning his back to Harry he stepped into the middle of the pattern and started to recite the words that would materialise the spell. The breeze that started up only raged behind the protective shield, a manifestation of the magic he was calling up. Orange turned to a bright red, engulfing him completely.
The light-headedness started first, this time minutes before he felt the familiar tug on his whole body. He was ripped apart from the inside, cell by cell. This time the pain was unbearable from the first instance, but he still managed to press out the last line of the spell, finalising his return home. Then the world sank into the sea of pain he had expected.
It felt no worse than what he had experienced on his way to the past, but it was different as he was prepared. He anticipated it. Unlike last time he never lost consciousness, screaming his lungs out throughout the whole unpleasant affair. Every bone in his body cried out in agony, begging for it to stop.
Before he knew it he was kneeling on soft grass, his eyes closed against bright, green light and tears running down his cheeks.
"Welcome home, Severus."
He did not trust his voice enough to speak just yet; instead he reached out with his hand and waited for Albus to hold onto it. Squeezing it gently he let go and lay down, waiting for the pain to dissipate. There was a rustling of robes when the headmaster kneeled down next to him.
"There is nothing we can do now, my boy. The only thing left is to leave the time-protected zone and hope for the best-"
Severus tuned Albus' voice out; it was a calming sound. Then, when his body no longer felt like a pincushion for scimitars he opened his eyes and carefully sat up. "Let's go." The flow of words stopped and the older wizard in his ridiculously pink robes climbed to his feet.
Accepting the hand offered for help Severus regained his own footing and tried to brush off grass and leaves stuck to the sweat wet back. He looked briefly at Albus, and then they stepped up to the softly glowing, see-through green barrier.
They looked at each other for a moment, and then stepped through it at the same time. Please, God. Please, Merlin, or whoever is listening. Please.
***
A/N: Comments? Criticism? Suggestions? Review :). I'd appreciate it.
Go toChapter 08
Go to Index
Go to Chapter 10
Go toChapter 08
Go to Index
Go to Chapter 10
Chapter 9 - Homecoming
***
Bound to the bed as he was, Severus could not run after Harry. All he could do was lie in bed, wondering why he had left in such a hurry. He had mostly slept for the past few hours, ever since they had caught him. Temperament running away with him, the wild magic he usually kept tightly controlled, escaped in the form of whirlwinds. The state of the infirmary was a sorry one and he prided himself to be the one responsible for it.
Casting his mind back he reviewed why he had not been able to leave this place when he had the chance to do so.
"Poppy, I must insist you let me go. Now." His voice was nothing but a growl. It did not intimidate the medi-witch at all.
Severus Snape was half sitting half lying on the hospital bed Harry had levitated him into. The black robes he had worn were lying on the floor under it and the Potion Master felt out of his depth. Even in the years he had spent as a spy he had rarely gone to the infirmary. His knowledge of potions had saved him those irksome trips after he had angered Voldemort. Simply treating himself was far easier than trying to appease an upset Pomfrey. For whatever reason, she thought he needed cosseting and attention far more than the students. She tended to flutter around him all the time. Not the way to improve his mood. Hence self-treating the effects of the Cruciatus curse had become one of Severus specialities over the years.
"You need the rest. Albus can wait." She was still holding the bottle with the sleeping potion out to him. One of his best brews, he could tell from the label. When he did not take hold of it immediately, she put it onto the bedside table. Walking to her office, her anger showing in her stride, she raised her voice loud enough for Severus to hear her clearly, "If that bottle is still full when I return to tuck you in, I will force feed it's contents to you."
Shaking his head, Severus threw back the thin duvet that covered him and swung his legs over the left side. He had every intention of walking out of the infirmary in the next few minutes, come what may. The room spun for a while, his body was exhausted from the injuries and what Pomfrey had done to repair the damage. "I don't have the time for this," he muttered irritably. Every time he came to the infirmary in the past, the first thing the medi-witch did was take away his clothes. All of them. He was only wearing a skimpy hospital-shift. It was too short, and the cold air on his backside was uncomfortable. From earlier experiences he knew that Pomfrey would have hidden everything wearable when he had been dozing earlier.
His bare feet touched the stone-floor and even though he knew that the broken leg was healed, he winced in expectation of pain that never came. After that, getting up was easy. He briefly bent down to retrieve his tattered robe with the precious contents and made for the door with his usual long strides. He was in the doorway when he heard the screech of outrage from behind and decided to run for freedom.
"Severus!"
He knew Pomfrey would be in hot pursuit. She had his wand, but there was no way she would fire curses at him, not after all the work she had had with fixing his injuries. Already out of breath he still harboured the hope of making it down to the dungeons before she caught up to him. Grateful for the empty corridors - it would absolutely not do for anyone to see his bare bottom - he skidded to a halt in front of the staircase that would lead him almost to the door to his classroom. There was a change of clothes down there and Pomfrey would not dare drag him out of his home-turf.
"Severus! What a pleasant surprise to see you." The voice came from behind and held more laughter than the situation warranted.
Almost afraid to turn to face the witness of his flight - but instantly aware of his state of undress - Severus whirled around to face none other than the Headmaster. "Albus." He nodded curtly and then threw a nervous glance into the direction he had come from.
Standing on the last step of the staircase he had just descended, Albus looked Severus up and down with knowing eyes. "I see you were in too much of a hurry to leave the infirmary. Poppy would have given you something to change into, had you waited for her."
*I sincerely doubt that,* he thought but nodded in spite of himself. "I was in a hurry, Albus." It was true. He hastily reached into the pocket of the tattered robe he was holding in his left hand and retrieved pollen, seed and teeth, pressing the full containers into Albus' hands. "I needed to talk to you, the debriefing is important. Harry knows everything now." He was swaying on his feet and in his exhaustion and with the need to explain everything, Albus' waving his wand went unnoticed.
"Sorry, Severus, but I believe you belong into bed and in Poppy's care."
The last thing he felt was Albus catching him before he fell onto the floor or down the staircase. His half-aware mind was marvelling at the strength in the old wizard. "Albus..." He tried to explain, but the world went black and he drifted off not even half-way through the sentence.
"Are you calmer now, Severus?" Pomfrey stuck her head inside the curtains, a put upon look on her face. Terrorised by her patient she had hid in her office while the wind had howled relentlessly through the large room. Severus almost felt sorry for her.
He raised an arm to scratch his nose without conscious thought and like before he came short of his face. Sighing he looked at the medi-witch pleadingly, "I'm a grown man, Poppy. Let me go."
She stepped through the gap in the curtains and he saw that she not only had his wand, but also a bundle of clothes with her. "Here, get out before I decide to put you to sleep for the rest of the day." The bounds fell loose at a gesture and she almost threw the clothes on the foot end of the bed. "You're a nuisance when you are sick and in need of care, Severus. So try to evade the rocks next time. Or push Harry in front of yourself instead of out of the way, he is a much better patient than you are. Now get out of my infirmary."
Out of bed with an uncanny speed and already half-dressed Severus did not spare a look as Pomfrey turned around and stalked back to her office, muttering about ungrateful people using Severus as an example.
***
Striding through the corridors at a much more dignified speed now, he did not even contemplate going to his classroom or office in the dungeon. Instead he used the less travelled ways to reach the teacher's wing and the sanctuary of his quarters.
"Did you break out again?"
Startled Severus swirled around. Harry Potter was leaning against the wall and looked like he had been there for quite some time. "No."
He pushed himself off the wall and walked to Severus, right into his private space. "You need to go back to your time."
Wincing at the urgency in Harry's voice Severus silently conceded that he was right. He had lingered far too long in this time already, the pressure had steadily built and in a day or two he would be crippled with a building pain. In a week he would not only be in a coma but also perilously close to death. Just looking at Harry reminded him of the one in the future, who kept staring at him without recognition in his eyes, comatose and possessed by Voldemort. "I need to stay until I know that Hermione and Ron will stay alive." Fear was a nasty feeling. Severus did not like it one bit.
"I talked to Hermione and Ron this morning, they are both overjoyed to come back home. She is looking forward to work together with you." He sighed and brushed some stray hair out of his eyes, an achingly familiar gesture. "Look, Severus, I know how this spell works and your death is the last thing I want. If you don't go voluntarily I will ask Albus to chain you to a bed again and send you back." He hesitated before he stepped even closer, their bodies almost touching but not quite, "You've done what you came back for. We are warned, we are together and we will plan. I will be waiting for you on the other end."
"If you can't change it, life is not worth going back to," he whispered brokenly, opening up all the pain to the outside for the first time since Harry had vanished. "I tried it, but I just missed you too much." How can one live without his soul? "Albus would not allow me to leave; he forced food down my throat in those first few weeks. Without him you would not have a place to return to. If it does not work, I will be back. You know I will be back." Finally he reached out with his right hand, brushing it unsteadily and gently through the unruly hair of his soul mate.
A soft smile bloomed on Harry's face and he leaned into the touch. "After the debriefing with Albus you will return to you own time." His soft expression did nothing to belie the order.
"Since when have I ever listened to you, Harry?" He did not want to go back to the future to see Harry lying in an isolated room and Albus hovering near it with wrath on his mind. The thought made him physically ill.
"I won't take no for an answer. You know I won't, so why make this harder on yourself?" Reaching out in turn, Harry's hand settled on Severus' shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Albus will be back tomorrow, he has been called to London." The implication was clear.
Harry had always been the more stubborn of the two in most areas. Like Severus' wellbeing. While the older man always insisted he could take care of himself, he never won an argument on that basis. The hand moved from his shoulder to allow the thumb to rub the sensitive skin of his neck. Clearing his voice nervously Severus closed his eyes for a second before looking back into Harry's. In a split second he decided that it was time he seized the moment, "Would you like to have lunch with me?"
"It's dinner-time." Those emerald eyes danced with suppressed laughter, happy at being asked.
"Dinner then."
Harry smiled softly, nodded and let go of him. "That would be wonderful." They stood like that for a few moments, looking into each other's eyes, Severus' hand in Harry's hair. Then they separated hesitantly and the Potion Master led the DADA teacher into his quarters.
Severus stayed at the door, watching Harry look around the living room for the first time. He was picking up the odds and ends the Potion Master had strewn across shelves and tables. The memory of a similar happening resurfaced, as Harry slowly made his way through the room.
"I never thought you'd keep so much ... stuff."
Frowning Severus strode to Harry's side, looking down at what he was holding. "It's not stuff, they are mementos." Taking the stone from Harry's fingers he stroked it gently before putting it back to its place. "My nephew gave me this before he died. I kept it to remind me of him."
Harry put his hand over Severus', "I understand." They looked at each other for an endless moment before Harry pointed at another memento, a jewellery box set with emeralds. "What about this one?"
"It was my mother's. All of my parents' possessions went to me when they died." His voice was steady and he was thankful for it. "My brother's whole family predeceased them. There is no-one else left but cousins and other distant relatives."
"Don't you have any happy mementos? Are they all linked to death?" He asked in a soft voice, turning them both away from the clutter with determination, a hand firmly on Severus' back.
He pondered the question seriously, his mind going through a mental inventory. "No, most of these are memories of friends and family who do no longer exist." He hesitated a moment as he looked around, "They are here to remind me of past mistakes."
"Not everything in your past is automatically a mistake, Severus. I am not a mistake, am I?" There was a high amount of teasing in his voice that made Severus puzzle for a moment. People did not tease or joke around him.
"Harry, you are no mistake -" His voice broke. "No mistake," he repeated in a whisper. Longing to be held and touched he stepped closer to the first human being he had ever invited to his rooms. Albus never asked, he just passed through his wards like a breeze and upturned his plans like he upturned his life once in a while.
"Are you okay, Severus?"
Shaking his head to rid himself of the cobwebs of memories, he found himself staring at Harry's face, which was a mere inch away from his. A sudden longing tugged on his raw feelings and he leaned in closer. Their lips touched gently, caressing and without urgency. It felt like the most natural thing he had done in ages and his hands slid in place on Harry's back without any help from his mind at all.
The kiss grew more frantic and deeper until Harry came up for air. Eyes closed, lips swollen slightly and cheeks flushed he almost looked edible and Severus had to reign in his raging libido not to pounce him there and then. It just was not right. This was not how it had been in his past; Harry was the pursuer and Severus the pursued.
"Harry."
His eyes snapped open and the glasses magnified his eyes. "Yes," he asked breathlessly.
Severus cleared his throat, "I want you." Blinking a couple of times he tried to find out why he had voiced that errant thought. He had intended to say something completely different, to withdraw and let Harry and his past self sort it out between themselves. It was too late now to take it back.
Moaning helplessly Harry tried to get even closer; pushing Severus in the direction he knew the bedroom was located at the same time. Every suit in the teachers' wing had the same build-up. Washed away by the passion he was feeling, Severus went willingly, allowing Harry to kiss him senseless at the same time.
The next thing he was aware of was Harry pushing him backwards, the edge of the bed at his knees. The younger wizard crawled on top of him in a heartbeat. He kissed his lips chastely only once, then moved on to caress every bit of revealed skin with his lips. Kissing, biting and licking he moved down to the collar that refused him access to Severus' chest.
It was all a haze of passion and lust to Severus. The only thing he was aware of was the heated touch of Harry's mouth and the searing of his fingers as he was undressed in a rush. Lying on his king-sized bed, Harry Potter on top of him, pinning him down and halfway to crying with happiness he felt like he belonged.
"No," he whimpered, even though every part of him screamed for more. "Harry, no." He pulled Harry's head away from the sensitive spot he had been nibbling on and up to face him. "We cannot do this." Breathless and tingling all over, not doing this was the last thing he wanted. It felt like betrayal to his Harry too much.
"Why not?" The question was breathed into Severus' ear, followed by a gentle bite underneath.
Trying to think was an immense effort, "It's not right, I'm not the right man."
Harry sat up on top of him, looking down quizzically. "What do you mean 'I'm not the right man'? Of course you are I've been trying to get you to open up to me for months now." His eyes were dilated with checked passion but he was listening.
"You are not my Harry." Severus did not want to hurt this man, but it just wasn't right to just jump to bed together. Not like this. Not now.
Climbing off the bed, Harry straightened his rumpled clothes. He blushed slightly, turning away from Severus, who was leaning on his elbows. The Potion Master's robes were unbuttoned to his navel, his hair in disarray, bite marks along his neck.
"I think I'd better go now, Severus," he said calmly, looking presentable again.
The older wizard watched Harry walk to the door, his mind blank. It took a few minutes before he jumped up and ran after him. "Harry!" He was out of the front door before he remembered his state of dress. "I love you."
The DADA teacher turned around, a crooked smile on his face, "I love you, too." They hugged, each knowing it would be the last time. "I've always loved you and I always will. You know, I'm a very patient man."
Clinging to Harry like he was the only thing between life and death Severus just nodded into Harry's shoulder. He knew he would embarrass himself if he said anything now.
"Oh. My. God."
The squeaky voice cut through the serenity of the moment like a chainsaw through an iron post. Blast it. He stepped away from Harry and touched his cheek lovingly for a moment. With a swish of his still half-undone robes he turned and fled into his quarters, leaving Harry to deal with the two pupils who were standing at the corner.
***
The pull to return had become stronger and stronger during the last 24 hours. It was a sensation between a limb that had fallen asleep and a sore muscle. Severus had only stayed so long because he knew he would remember nothing of it after he had returned. Blessed Oblivion.
Whatever he changed in the past, his returning younger self would believe he had done it on his own volition. Everything said about the future, would be either ignored or purged from memory. Not even Harry and Albus would remember every detail. What they had set in motion over the last day was inexorably going to hit the future like a loose stone that started a landslide.
His injuries healed and Poppy certificating him complete health with an aggressive growl had been the go ahead for his return. The important things were in motion. Harry would live and remember.
Clinging to that thought he silently made his way through the Forbidden Forest. He did not dare to return to his time in the castle, the wards were too strong; they might interfere with the magic he was about to work. The next clearing he found was suitable and he started preparing. He walked in a large circle, dropping crystals as he went.
With a sigh he put down the cans of different colours in the middle of his protecting crystals, the brush lying lightly in his hand. Dipping it determinately into the white colour he started the pattern. White, blue and red lines - arranged into a complex pattern on the green grass - his lifeline home. Albus had painted a mirrored one in their time.
Stretching his back out, he became aware of a person standing in the gloom outside his brightly lit crystal circle. "You should not have come, Harry." He immersed the brush into the white colour, the order of every line burnt into his memory. "It would be easier for both of us if you had stayed at the castle."
"And that is what you want? Easy? Oh Severus, if you wanted simple you would never have lived with me." He stepped up to the circle, keeping his distance nevertheless but now bathed into the warm, orange light they emitted. "I had to come. Someone should see you off, don't you think?"
Happy with the placement of the last line he cleaned his brush with a simple spell and put it back into the pocket he had taken it from. The small tins of colour were sealed off easily with magic and vanished into the robe as well. "Thanks," he whispered and stepped up to the barrier, laying his hand against the orange light. "Take care of yourself. Ron and Hermione, too. Bring them safe home from the battle."
Harry nodded seriously, his hand rising up to lie on the other side of the now material barrier, unable to touch Severus. "I will. Always, Severus."
"Always." I love you. Always. I went on a journey through time for you. I would again. His thoughts were left unsaid but they were reflected in Harry's eyes. A stranger from the future he had to leave now, or die. The spell was set in motion and the only way to get out of it alive was to finish it.
Turning his back to Harry he stepped into the middle of the pattern and started to recite the words that would materialise the spell. The breeze that started up only raged behind the protective shield, a manifestation of the magic he was calling up. Orange turned to a bright red, engulfing him completely.
The light-headedness started first, this time minutes before he felt the familiar tug on his whole body. He was ripped apart from the inside, cell by cell. This time the pain was unbearable from the first instance, but he still managed to press out the last line of the spell, finalising his return home. Then the world sank into the sea of pain he had expected.
It felt no worse than what he had experienced on his way to the past, but it was different as he was prepared. He anticipated it. Unlike last time he never lost consciousness, screaming his lungs out throughout the whole unpleasant affair. Every bone in his body cried out in agony, begging for it to stop.
Before he knew it he was kneeling on soft grass, his eyes closed against bright, green light and tears running down his cheeks.
"Welcome home, Severus."
He did not trust his voice enough to speak just yet; instead he reached out with his hand and waited for Albus to hold onto it. Squeezing it gently he let go and lay down, waiting for the pain to dissipate. There was a rustling of robes when the headmaster kneeled down next to him.
"There is nothing we can do now, my boy. The only thing left is to leave the time-protected zone and hope for the best-"
Severus tuned Albus' voice out; it was a calming sound. Then, when his body no longer felt like a pincushion for scimitars he opened his eyes and carefully sat up. "Let's go." The flow of words stopped and the older wizard in his ridiculously pink robes climbed to his feet.
Accepting the hand offered for help Severus regained his own footing and tried to brush off grass and leaves stuck to the sweat wet back. He looked briefly at Albus, and then they stepped up to the softly glowing, see-through green barrier.
They looked at each other for a moment, and then stepped through it at the same time. Please, God. Please, Merlin, or whoever is listening. Please.
***
A/N: Comments? Criticism? Suggestions? Review :). I'd appreciate it.
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