A friend's post...
He gave me permission to post it in my journal.
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Interesting thought.
I was watching a documentary about the head chef at Tasajara Community Center..he wrote the Tassajara Bread Book. He is a Buddhist monk and one of the lessons he repeated was..
You cannot make anyone happy.
If ( Read more... )
My opinion is: It's uttely simple, and therefore utterly untrue.
In fact, I think that simple "truths" like this contain as much wisdom as a roll of toiletpaper.
If you try to make someone happy, you only make them unhappy. Of course this is sometimes true. And of course sometimes people do not realize this enough.
I've seen it happen too often. Person A tries to make person B happy. But person B is not into A's idea of happiness, so it doesn't work. Person A gets nothing from all of his efforts, so A gets frustrated and angry. The both A and B become unhappy.
So, if that is what this buddhist monk means, then I agree that this sometimes happens.
But is it always like that? Of course not.
What this poem suggests is that it is always a waste of time to try and make someone happy. Which is, in my opinion, complete rubbish and foolishness.
It's not just stupid. It's far worse than that. Because plain stupidnes pretends to be nothing more than stupidnes, but this pretends to be some form of wisdom. Which it is not.
Sorry to be rude. But you asked for opinions, and this is mine.
If we stop trying to make people happy, we might as well stop living. Or become buddhists, which is about the same thing.
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I apologize for that.
I have thought it over, but I still feel this way about it. I am still sorry if I offend anyone, but I still feel this way.
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I apologize for taking so long to respond to this.
In my case, at least, no offense taken.
I wonder how much of this is semantics? I think we can --
and life is better when we do -- act in such ways as to
contribute to others' happiness. However, it is the
case that it is nigh impossible to make anyone feel
anything... And attempting to do so can lead to ...
problems...
It is a subtle distinction, perhaps.
I think your simple = untrue is a bit ... simple.
You felt free to "simply" say that
If we stop trying to make people happy, we might as well stop living.
Or become buddhists, which is about the same thing.
That is pretty simplistic, yes? Yet there is a piece of truth
in there...
One of the things that I say is "The surest distraction
from my problems is somebody else's problems." What I'm
trying to convey is that getting out of myself is the best
way to get over myself... and encouraging the other person
to open up...
There is no question that our actions can contribute to the
suffering in the world. Buddhist "right action" and "right
livelihood" is about limiting that as far as possible. Yet
there are people who are bound and determined to be miserable,
and they will succeed! Likewise, those who are committed to
noticing the beauty in the world will see the world as a more
beautiful place...
Whole books have been written about the sentiment stated
in 20 words above. Does that make it more true?
I think time spent incr4easing the happiness in the world
is time well spent -- this includes cats, children, and
one's own happiness. However, I still think there is a
valid distinction in recognizing that we don't MAKE those
around us FEEL -- they respond, and part of that response
is emotional. Trying to make someone do or feel anything
is, in its most basic sense, manipulative.
I appreciate that you continue to think about your comments
after you have posted them. It's one of the things that I
like about you.
I think that we agree that acting in such a way as to
increase the happiness in the world is a good thing.
By the way, I added the line breaks in the quote; don't
know if it qualifies as a poem. Funny how many things
seem like poetry when some line breaks are thrown in!
Again, I think your son and your girlfriend are lucky.
Bright Blessings,
K.
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The way you put it here sounds very good to me.
"We can contribute to other people's happiness (or some animals' happiness) but we cannot make other people happy. We can only make ourself happy."
This sounds like something I can agree with.
Sometimes focussing on another person's problems can be a welcome distraction from your own problems. We humans tend to not get very happy if we focus too much on ourselves. Just as we tend to not get very happy if we focus too much on others.
So sometimes focussing on another person's problems is a very good things that serves two purposes; it may help that other person, and it helps ourselves.
Sometimes it is not so good. Not everybody appreciates it if we nose into their problems. And some people would be better off if they learned to solve their own problems, instead of depending on others.
So again it's not simple. Using other people's problems as a ditraction from our own problems can be good or bad.
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That all sounds about right to me.
K.
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