Z-Gay Meets A-Gay
Having been around Laguna for years I always prided myself on not getting involved with the A-Gays. Wednesday night I was invited to a little holiday party down the road from the office. Not really knowing that many people in town I decided to accept the invitation, what an experience that turned out to be. The party went along fine for awhile, met a few A-Gays who took pity on this poor soul by including me in their conversations. Met the local golf pro Eric, who by the way is a total stud and is married in the conventional Republican way. Apparently he likes his boys on the side.
The house was amazing, well more than I'd ever be able to afford. As the evening wore on the dirty little A-Gay secrets started to leak out to some of the attendees. Turns out that the host Bruce is the type of guy who likes to be a victim, he tends to "date" guys who aren't exactly on the up and up, in fact most are only there for the money. Well, his latest "boyfriend" apparently pissed off one of the other guests who promptly announced to everyone within ear shot that James the hosts boyfriend was recently paroled after spending 3 years in prison for writing prescriptions (he's not a doctor) identity theft, forgery and a host of other felonious activities. Well that just led to more dirt being thrown by other guests about people in the room. About this time I was happy, no ecstatic that I was an unknown so none of my dirty laundry could be thrown about. I sat back quietly with Eric the golf pro while we watched the dirty laundry fly across the room.
I did meet Patrick the local owner/designer of an upscale furniture store in Rancho Mirage who offered to give me a discount on furniture when he found out I was new in town. Oh and his boyfriend is all Anderson Cooper looking, in fact several of us did a double take when they entered. Today I had nothing to do so I decided to stop by the store to see if there was anything there to my liking, what I saw at the party wasn't really my style. I found something I liked, in fact I liked it a lot but not enough to spend $10,000. Just as I was walking out Patrick was walking in, we said our hellos which included the A-Gay cheek to cheek kiss. After some small talk he asked if I saw anything that I liked. When I pointed out the piece I liked Patrick looked at the price tag, said "you have expensive taste." He then offered me the piece for, are you ready? I almost fell out when he told the price I could have it for, I couldn't believe it. He told me the piece could be mine for $1,500. Apparently some A-Gay had it custom made then decided he didn't like it or some such thing, the balance he owed was $1,500 so I got it for a steal.
I should probably write the guy a thank-you note for the nice Christmas present. I guess the deal with custom furniture is you only get a refund if Patrick can sell it for the full price; otherwise you're shit out of luck. Does that mean I was shit in luck? What is the opposite of shit out of luck? He's also giving me two club chairs I was eyeing for $200, they're normally $900 something each. Hmm maybe hanging out with the A-Gays isn't so bad after all. Patrick is also coming out to completely decorate the living room and design the media room at no charge; I only have to pay for the furniture at his cost. Now I'm going to have a professionally decorated A-Gay home at the price of a Z-Gay. I can finally get rid of my Salvation Army furniture.
Hmm, is it possible that I'm turning into one of the pretentious A-Gay people? God I hope not!
The house was amazing, well more than I'd ever be able to afford. As the evening wore on the dirty little A-Gay secrets started to leak out to some of the attendees. Turns out that the host Bruce is the type of guy who likes to be a victim, he tends to "date" guys who aren't exactly on the up and up, in fact most are only there for the money. Well, his latest "boyfriend" apparently pissed off one of the other guests who promptly announced to everyone within ear shot that James the hosts boyfriend was recently paroled after spending 3 years in prison for writing prescriptions (he's not a doctor) identity theft, forgery and a host of other felonious activities. Well that just led to more dirt being thrown by other guests about people in the room. About this time I was happy, no ecstatic that I was an unknown so none of my dirty laundry could be thrown about. I sat back quietly with Eric the golf pro while we watched the dirty laundry fly across the room.
I did meet Patrick the local owner/designer of an upscale furniture store in Rancho Mirage who offered to give me a discount on furniture when he found out I was new in town. Oh and his boyfriend is all Anderson Cooper looking, in fact several of us did a double take when they entered. Today I had nothing to do so I decided to stop by the store to see if there was anything there to my liking, what I saw at the party wasn't really my style. I found something I liked, in fact I liked it a lot but not enough to spend $10,000. Just as I was walking out Patrick was walking in, we said our hellos which included the A-Gay cheek to cheek kiss. After some small talk he asked if I saw anything that I liked. When I pointed out the piece I liked Patrick looked at the price tag, said "you have expensive taste." He then offered me the piece for, are you ready? I almost fell out when he told the price I could have it for, I couldn't believe it. He told me the piece could be mine for $1,500. Apparently some A-Gay had it custom made then decided he didn't like it or some such thing, the balance he owed was $1,500 so I got it for a steal.
I should probably write the guy a thank-you note for the nice Christmas present. I guess the deal with custom furniture is you only get a refund if Patrick can sell it for the full price; otherwise you're shit out of luck. Does that mean I was shit in luck? What is the opposite of shit out of luck? He's also giving me two club chairs I was eyeing for $200, they're normally $900 something each. Hmm maybe hanging out with the A-Gays isn't so bad after all. Patrick is also coming out to completely decorate the living room and design the media room at no charge; I only have to pay for the furniture at his cost. Now I'm going to have a professionally decorated A-Gay home at the price of a Z-Gay. I can finally get rid of my Salvation Army furniture.
Hmm, is it possible that I'm turning into one of the pretentious A-Gay people? God I hope not!