(no subject)
I feel so odd... I can hardly hold up my fingers to type this out.. am I exahusted or am I dying or something.. I'm having the worste panick attack ever... I'm afraid to go to sleep because I'm afraid I won't wake up... I want to be with Seth really bad right now because he is so good at calming me down.. but he's at work... I don't know what to do.. my heart rate feels funny to me.. I was sick the other day to where I was throwing up.. then I got better.. so I went to the beach.. I'm really tired now... and I don't even feel like I'm writing this... I can't remeber things.... I'm prolly just tired.. but what if I'm not?? What if I'm actually dying or something.. I try and tell my dad but he just gets mad.. and I try to tell my mom.. but she's at work.. I prolly won't even remeber this when I wake up.. if I do... god.. if I do die.. I love you all.... please get me one of those anxiety attack pills.... god.. I stopped taking them a while ago.. once all the fighting stopped in my house.. now I need to do it again.. because I have been having them really bad.. I feel like I'm tipping forward.. am I?? No.... God I'm dizzy.... this is so scary.. nobody is here to help me.. now I can't even do this any more... I just want to tell you all.. I'm in love.. and I swear.. as long as the ocean stays wet.. I'll love him.... haha.. you prolly don't believe me.. but ypu ahve no idea what it's like... I need to go take a nap... or something.. but I don't want to sleep... I'm scared... I'm all alone..