(no subject)
Seeing her smile like that makes me happy. I'm back in Nashville, and it's depressing and great at the same time. It's depressing because I'm no where near her. It's great because I'm no where near her. When I'm not so close, I don't feel the almost complusive need to know what she's doing at every moment of the day. I feel almost normal when I'm far away.
When I'm far away I can remember her how I want. I can remember how she still loved me. How she actually liked seeing me. How I was the only person she ever wanted to be with. I get to just feel how I want to feel without the guilt. I can date and fuck who I want, because I'm not scared she'll see me out with them. Not that it would matter, she doesn't want me. But still, I feel like I'm cheating on her everytime I'm fucking some other chick. It just never feels as good.
When i'm there, I can't even think or look at another girl. I don't even have teh desire. And I'm a good looking motherfucker too. I could have anyone I want. Women have always thrown themselves at me, and become almost obsessed if I do end up fucking them. Tiff is probably the only woman thats never been like that. I had to chase her, she's never begged me for anything other than to get my ass better. I don't know if thats why I can't let her go? Maybe because she's the only person in my life that didn't just act like everyone else.
She's so beautiful. inside and out.
I do want her to be happy. The last asshole she was with... Mikey or some shit like that, not he was a fucking loser. I knew, and i think everyone else did too he was never good enough for her. I mean I fucking hated Mark, but at least he had some class and they looked good together. Everytime she had a default picture of those two on her myspace, I would just think to myself WTF. And he ended up being the biggest fucking loser asshole ever. I mean I don't know much, but I knew more than anything she was wasting her life on that guy. Everyone knew. People that don't even like me agreed with me.
The new guy. I'm not sure what it is. What they are, what they aren't. She just seems happy. He seems to adore her, pretty much like the rest of us. She might break his heart. I'm hoping though it works out for her. She deserve to be happy. After everything she's been through.... she deserves to be happy.
I keep replaying that last phon call in my head. She sounded like she wanted to cry. "It's over. Everything. You just have to back off, and stay out of my life." there was more, but I won't write about it incase that fucking nutcase of and ex still sticks his fucking nose in here. Apparently me and him aren't that different, and I think thats what depresses me the most.
When I'm far away I can remember her how I want. I can remember how she still loved me. How she actually liked seeing me. How I was the only person she ever wanted to be with. I get to just feel how I want to feel without the guilt. I can date and fuck who I want, because I'm not scared she'll see me out with them. Not that it would matter, she doesn't want me. But still, I feel like I'm cheating on her everytime I'm fucking some other chick. It just never feels as good.
When i'm there, I can't even think or look at another girl. I don't even have teh desire. And I'm a good looking motherfucker too. I could have anyone I want. Women have always thrown themselves at me, and become almost obsessed if I do end up fucking them. Tiff is probably the only woman thats never been like that. I had to chase her, she's never begged me for anything other than to get my ass better. I don't know if thats why I can't let her go? Maybe because she's the only person in my life that didn't just act like everyone else.
She's so beautiful. inside and out.
I do want her to be happy. The last asshole she was with... Mikey or some shit like that, not he was a fucking loser. I knew, and i think everyone else did too he was never good enough for her. I mean I fucking hated Mark, but at least he had some class and they looked good together. Everytime she had a default picture of those two on her myspace, I would just think to myself WTF. And he ended up being the biggest fucking loser asshole ever. I mean I don't know much, but I knew more than anything she was wasting her life on that guy. Everyone knew. People that don't even like me agreed with me.
The new guy. I'm not sure what it is. What they are, what they aren't. She just seems happy. He seems to adore her, pretty much like the rest of us. She might break his heart. I'm hoping though it works out for her. She deserve to be happy. After everything she's been through.... she deserves to be happy.
I keep replaying that last phon call in my head. She sounded like she wanted to cry. "It's over. Everything. You just have to back off, and stay out of my life." there was more, but I won't write about it incase that fucking nutcase of and ex still sticks his fucking nose in here. Apparently me and him aren't that different, and I think thats what depresses me the most.