Life is progressing...or so it seems...or so I would hope.

[c_rza]

Well, this is going to be slightly-well slightly isn't exa-aw fuck it, this shit is gonna be mad long. But if you have the time to sit down and read for a minute, please by all means do so. I would like in my own world to know that someone is mildly interested in me and concerned with my actual being. Other than it always being me caring for

Comments

Re: speechless... well not really

[c_rza]

And I know it's not your dad's job to pay for my things, but what a tenant told me really hurt. He told her that I was going away for college next year and this is a part-time thing. Since I've been working, Jasmine, I've been able to get my life on track and do something at a greater level than what I've been doing all along and thats further take care of myself. And I understand that your dad moves me into shifts so I can make money, but I also very well reimburse that by working overtime shifts when he can't find no one else, and no one else will do it. I mean I know you're going to take his side, he's your father. And Jasmine there's only so much more I know about this building than you do. Like I said from the start I appreciate all he has done, and as well I bust my ass to return that favor. But it hurts me soooo much. like it literallly hurts me soooo much to hear that he-one week tells me im gonna be working at that position for a long time, then comes a week later and tells me that he's gonna be changing things for me. Then to hear that he's got someone else coming into the picture because "he doesn't know what to do with the shift yet" but i've only been working at that position for 6 months then the last 2 1/2 months full time with not a problem to tell him nor any problems to encounter. I've worked that shift perfectly and then to hear that I'm in the headlights of an on-coming car. It hurts. And then on top of that it hurts more because it IS your father, and I know how much he means to you. But you would do what any daughter would. As much as he comes off to hurt me and let me know what I'm doing isn't good enough, you'd still take his side. I love that job Jasmine and it's not solely because it pays the bills, but I love it for the fact that I finally get some feeling that people enjoy coming home and seeing a friendly face and having someone they can call if they have a problem or need some friendly advice. I love that. Plus the people are great. I don't know how much I need to prove myself to him that I can do that job. I've literally worked my fingers till they bled not too long ago, because he wanted me to do the brass outside...and he should know that you cant do brass when the temperature is below like 35 i guess you could say, cuz the brass cleaner freezes and it still looks dull. but sure enough, I went out and did it, with no gloves because in certain parts of the brass the rubber on the gloves gets in the way. I did it cuz he asked me, so i could prove myself, cuz its what he wanted, and it was so cold that my fingers under the nail part, started to bleed. it was that cold...but i did it anyway.

Re: speechless... well not really

[c_rza]

I hope you don't mean what I say Jasmine, because I don't have many friends, I don't have many people I can talk to. You know I value you as a person, as well as our friendship. So I even more so hope you don't mean that. As much as you've upset me in the past, I've never meant a harsh word to you. So what you've said fuckin hurts. but I don't know how much more you want me to explain...I only hope you can see where I'm coming from. That is the whole point of this, right? To see where I'm coming from. God, if you do know me like you say I do, You should know that I don't just outright attack anyone. And btw, I didn't aim to toast my cat jas, i did it for my mom because she loved that cat way more than I did. She wanted it done so I did it for her, Im so goddam sorry. God where do I get off? I'm so fucking sorry for being such a painful and disturbing friend for you jasmine. All I ever wanted was for shit to go right for me, as many downs i have come through. I'm so fucking sorry that I had to cut myself cuz I don't know what else to do, Im so fucking sorry that No i didn't think of calling anyone cuz i had that feeling that No one cared enough anyway to hear my problems or know what I was going through and to hear that much shit that i get cuz i can finally let out and let my voice down that everyone berates me and hates me and shit, so ya know what if you say hello say hello, you barely consort with me anyway...Let me officially feel and know that I have no one to fucking talk to let me officially know that everyone hates me jasmine go ahead, you might as well pull the fucking trigger on the gun that's next to my ehead cuz im pretty sure at the ratre im going at that i'd be surprised if i diont do it myself.