Recalling my grandma
I reached home from tuition at 11am only to find myself locked out. I knew Pa was home but he had worked the night shift at the F1 circuit last night, so I didn't want to wake him up by phoning the house. Irritated at myself for not having brought out my keys, I sat at the void deck and finished up the last chapters of a book, then decided I would take a walk to my grandma's place to have the char siew rice (BEST. CHAR SIEW. EVAR.) there.
Apologies for sounding like a sentimental sap, but indulge me a little la huh.
Walking through the estate my grandma used to live in is like taking a walk through my childhood days. I spent my pre-primary school days living with her and learnt how to speak Teochew before I spoke in English. Wah last time my Teochew skillz bor beh zao one lor now a bit rusty I will work on it TTT Primary school was in Holy Innocents' just beside her block, so I continued hanging out in the area all the way till I was 12. My grandma is no longer with us, but everything in the area, to me at least, is imbued with her presence - aided by the fact, I suppose, that the part of Hougang under opposition control looks pretty much the same as it did 22 years ago hehehehe :x
I return to the estate sometimes to visit my aunt (who still lives there) with my mama, but whenever I miss my grandma, I take a walk over there alone to indulge in some moping. I love moping sometimes... I think an acknowledgement of suffering makes you feel all noble and martyr-like hahaha. There's a small road between my kindergarten and my primary school that's lined with huge trees which filter out most of the sunlight, so when you look upward it's really pretty because you can see rays of light streaming through between the leaves. On days when there's a light breeze, little white flowers waltz down from the trees in the dreamiest manner possible... Perhaps to the apathetic observer, the lane would simply appear as any other tree-lined road, hardly deserving of mention. That nostalgia tends to lend itself to romanticism is inevitable for most, however, and I'd like to think my grandma had a hand in making it extra beautiful to me.
I went to the coffeeshop and ordered charsiewrice and a side order of 咸菜鸭汤 (Have ordered this since my secondary school days, when the chicken rice vendor upped and left. I truly am a sucker for familiarity when it comes to food.) which is really... it cannot be of this world, it must have ethereal origins TTTTTTTT Hougang people, are you reading this?? Let's make a trip down to opposition territory one day... Remember to bring your passports!
Haha only kidding!!! -nervous laugh-
While I was eating, I noticed this little girl with her grandma sitting at the table beside me. Her grandma was feeding her chicken rice and the little girl kept looking over at me. I was in the middle of sadomasochistically relishing my mope and didn't really wish to entertain her, but eventually I relented and shot the girl a wry smile and waggled my brows - my default entertain-kids look - and the little imp got encouraged and giggled, then climbed down her double-stacked chairs to approach my table. After identifying all my cutlery and whatever food that was on my plate, she proceeded to tell me that she was four this year, and that unlike me, she couldn't drink lemon tea because she was having nursing a cough, and what were those sharp metal things in my mouth?! Did they hurt?! Omg non-crying kids are damn cute. I ended up speaking to her grandma as well, and had a rare chance to practise my Teochew skillz (I don't speak it at home because Kenneth is Teochew-illiterate. Whenever my aunt calls he always says my mother is washing the clothes, even if she is not, because that's the only thing he knows how to say -.-) If only I attracted guys the way I attract children and old people. Sigh.
After the girl and her grandma had left, I tried to recall if I had met a 22 year old version of myself 18 years ago, while I was eating chicken rice with my grandma in the very same coffeeshop. I used to love the chicken rice there by the previous vendor, and had finished my first plate on my own when I was 5 :) My grandma praised me and said I was very clever... Haha that's exactly why I love her. Her love and pride for me was truly truly unconditional. I think my father would have called me a pig TTT He gaped wordlessly when I recounted this incident to him a few months back. Hehehe don't get me wrong, I love him too... He's just... not the best person to approach when you're looking for self-affirmation haha.
It's a pity that whatever memories I have of the past are fragments, some likely imagined, as a subconscious result of looking at childhood photographs. They end up slipping away like grains of sand through your fingers, and whatever bits you try to preserve are often embellished. In the unlikely event that they're accurate, they come in the form of soundless clips, or just as snapshots of a particular moment. I'm not even sure how these memories are selected; some of them seem so random and underwhelming in their significance. I wish I could revisit a particular memory whenever I felt like it... but then again it'd probably be terribly burdensome to be unable to forget any little bit of suffering you've had to endure over the years. I wouldn't wish want that either :/ Oh well, can't have everything, get over it
What would have been a perfectly mopey afternoon ended up ruined by a bout of uncomfortable bloatedness, because I returned home (suitably mopey, I'd like to think) to... a packet of fishball mee kia lying on the kitchen table. Mama had bought lunch. Sigh. I finished everything in the packet, and right now my stomach feels like a wooden block. I'm dead.
Apologies for sounding like a sentimental sap, but indulge me a little la huh.
Walking through the estate my grandma used to live in is like taking a walk through my childhood days. I spent my pre-primary school days living with her and learnt how to speak Teochew before I spoke in English. Wah last time my Teochew skillz bor beh zao one lor now a bit rusty I will work on it TTT Primary school was in Holy Innocents' just beside her block, so I continued hanging out in the area all the way till I was 12. My grandma is no longer with us, but everything in the area, to me at least, is imbued with her presence - aided by the fact, I suppose, that the part of Hougang under opposition control looks pretty much the same as it did 22 years ago hehehehe :x
I return to the estate sometimes to visit my aunt (who still lives there) with my mama, but whenever I miss my grandma, I take a walk over there alone to indulge in some moping. I love moping sometimes... I think an acknowledgement of suffering makes you feel all noble and martyr-like hahaha. There's a small road between my kindergarten and my primary school that's lined with huge trees which filter out most of the sunlight, so when you look upward it's really pretty because you can see rays of light streaming through between the leaves. On days when there's a light breeze, little white flowers waltz down from the trees in the dreamiest manner possible... Perhaps to the apathetic observer, the lane would simply appear as any other tree-lined road, hardly deserving of mention. That nostalgia tends to lend itself to romanticism is inevitable for most, however, and I'd like to think my grandma had a hand in making it extra beautiful to me.
I went to the coffeeshop and ordered charsiewrice and a side order of 咸菜鸭汤 (Have ordered this since my secondary school days, when the chicken rice vendor upped and left. I truly am a sucker for familiarity when it comes to food.) which is really... it cannot be of this world, it must have ethereal origins TTTTTTTT Hougang people, are you reading this?? Let's make a trip down to opposition territory one day... Remember to bring your passports!
Haha only kidding!!! -nervous laugh-
While I was eating, I noticed this little girl with her grandma sitting at the table beside me. Her grandma was feeding her chicken rice and the little girl kept looking over at me. I was in the middle of sadomasochistically relishing my mope and didn't really wish to entertain her, but eventually I relented and shot the girl a wry smile and waggled my brows - my default entertain-kids look - and the little imp got encouraged and giggled, then climbed down her double-stacked chairs to approach my table. After identifying all my cutlery and whatever food that was on my plate, she proceeded to tell me that she was four this year, and that unlike me, she couldn't drink lemon tea because she was having nursing a cough, and what were those sharp metal things in my mouth?! Did they hurt?! Omg non-crying kids are damn cute. I ended up speaking to her grandma as well, and had a rare chance to practise my Teochew skillz (I don't speak it at home because Kenneth is Teochew-illiterate. Whenever my aunt calls he always says my mother is washing the clothes, even if she is not, because that's the only thing he knows how to say -.-) If only I attracted guys the way I attract children and old people. Sigh.
After the girl and her grandma had left, I tried to recall if I had met a 22 year old version of myself 18 years ago, while I was eating chicken rice with my grandma in the very same coffeeshop. I used to love the chicken rice there by the previous vendor, and had finished my first plate on my own when I was 5 :) My grandma praised me and said I was very clever... Haha that's exactly why I love her. Her love and pride for me was truly truly unconditional. I think my father would have called me a pig TTT He gaped wordlessly when I recounted this incident to him a few months back. Hehehe don't get me wrong, I love him too... He's just... not the best person to approach when you're looking for self-affirmation haha.
It's a pity that whatever memories I have of the past are fragments, some likely imagined, as a subconscious result of looking at childhood photographs. They end up slipping away like grains of sand through your fingers, and whatever bits you try to preserve are often embellished. In the unlikely event that they're accurate, they come in the form of soundless clips, or just as snapshots of a particular moment. I'm not even sure how these memories are selected; some of them seem so random and underwhelming in their significance. I wish I could revisit a particular memory whenever I felt like it... but then again it'd probably be terribly burdensome to be unable to forget any little bit of suffering you've had to endure over the years. I wouldn't wish want that either :/ Oh well, can't have everything, get over it
What would have been a perfectly mopey afternoon ended up ruined by a bout of uncomfortable bloatedness, because I returned home (suitably mopey, I'd like to think) to... a packet of fishball mee kia lying on the kitchen table. Mama had bought lunch. Sigh. I finished everything in the packet, and right now my stomach feels like a wooden block. I'm dead.