Oct 31, 2006 07:16
I dont even know where to start.
Work today sucked. I was scheduled 5-8, and i didnt leave until 1am. It was a lot more hours though. We have the big Roe inspection tomorrow and its like 3 pages long, so we had lots of cleaning and preping to do. It sucked, but I got to work with fun people...Robert, Izzy, Karra and Mike.
I've been getting all these wierd feelings lately, and I hate it. It makes me want to curl in a ball somewhere and hide. Just run away from everything, btu I cant, becasue i cant stay hidden forever, and whn i come out, all the problmes will be there still.
I've cut a lot of people out of my life. A few intentionally, and a few non. For one, I cut Sasha out. Ive had enough. All the lies, i cant take it anymore. And she just cant seem to leave my guys alone...when she has one of her own...for the last 2 years. Its not my fault she isnt happy...maybe she should end the relationship. She was all over Aaron at prom, and ven went as far as to make up lies abouthow i really didnt like him, and was onlyusing him for a date. It was all lies...and since we really didnt know each other that well, he believed them at first...but we talked, and everything was good. I didnt talk to her again up until like 2 months ago...and i think it was a mistake. At my little brotehrs bday party, she was all over dale. and she knew i liked him a lot, and we were in the process of possibly getting together. It makes me angry...but i think im done giving her second chances.
Dale is anotehr one thats no longer in the picture. We were talking for a while. Things were going great...until i called him back one night to see if he wanted to go to the movies with us, and then his fiance calls back...when he told everyone he was single. I was crushed...especially after Lisa tried to warn me becasue people had told her stuff...but i didnt want to believ her...i regret it now. He was full of lies, and now i feel so stupid for not figuring it out, and not listening to otehr people. I guess you live and learn, right?
Things with tonya arent going so great. We dont eeven talk anyomre...it its tearing me apart inside. She was the one i alwasy went to for everything. No matter what it was i knew shed alwasy be there. And the other bad thing is i cant even see ali...and i love that kid so much!!! There isnt anything i wouldnt do for her. Eitehr one of them for that fact. Most of this happened after Justin and i broke up. And sometimes I wonder if i made the right decision about that. Im sure we could have tried working things out...but i didnt really want a relationship with anyone right then. And it wasnt fair to him. Also it was hard only being able to see him on the weekends...Tomorrow would have been 6 months we were dating. I still think about him, especially when I hear Better Than Me, by Hinder. And truthfully, i cry once in a while thinking about him.
Last night I couldnt sleep. I had all these crazy thoughts, and they wouldnt let me sleep. I think i cried in my sleep, becuase when i woke up, my eyes were all swollen and i had tear stains on my pillow. I remember thinking about kyle, and how much i like him, and i thinkhe likes my friend charresse. It sucks. Because i think she likes him too. I bet i waited to late ot tell him i liked him. Im was scared to tell him though...im friends with him brotehr and his brotehrs fiance, and i didnt want them to think that iw as going to their house just to hang out with kyle. Hes so different. In a good way though. He alwasy makes me laugh, no matter what mood im in, and somehow hes alwasy in a good mood. I always get this feeling of comfort when im around him, and i can be myslef and not worry about him looking down on me for the way i am. I cant explain it. But its the best feeling you can get!!
And honestly, there are really only 2 people i can count on for anything. Thats kyle and Lisa. I cant even beging to explain how much Lisa has done for me. Shes been there though everything...and we havent even been friends for a year yet. Its amazing. And the wierd thing is shes only 15...16 in december.
I cant even write anymore. So until next time livejournal.
Good Night